Why is it we blame the community and not the people or better yet ourselves?

[Visitor6]

SB - men get to network quite a bit throughout their lives, mainly professionally, with peers. Women who don't return straight to work don't. You get women increasingly isolated at home when they're with their kids, even if they live in suburbs packed with people. It's just different for men - you guys become fathers and that's the change in your social status; you retain jobs, friends, wardrobe, social engagements. It's not a criticism, it's just the set up of ours and many other societies. I get that you don't hinge on being a member of BB and that's fine. We benefit here from the input of fellas. And we vary from high income professionals to young girls who start families without even having finished

It certainly is different for men, but we have more change in our lives than a notch in the belt and a dent in the wallet. The expectation that life doesn't change much for us is bollocks and perhaps a simplified view of our role by wider groups contributes in some way to why there is more PND in men that originally thought. I'm not spiralling into a debate on the matter, but let's not undermine how much pregnancy birth and childraising has on men. Whilst our make up psychologically may be different, we are just as vulnerable. I think you'll find that my networks are quite small if not non existent since we had our son. If I do discuss our pregancy and parenting journey, I really don't spread the details of my partners breats tenderness or how her suture line was healing and whether we are ready for sex again. Not every father is some boofhead who thinks hitting the **** with your mates in your forties is a good thing or that gees the tyres need changing on the Audi or gees I hope they give me vistation rights or that periods are secret womens business along with hysterectomies, gynae visits....Some of us actually make an effort like i have. I parent just as well. I sat there at 3 in the morning expressing my partners milk with my own hands whilst our child cried incessently and so did my partner.

I'm not retaining jobs, I'm working two. I'm also doing my share of raising for the times my partner works or goes out or enjoys 'reclaiming' her life with her friends.

As much as i dont want to derail this thread, I do get disappointed when our part in things is generalised. I apologise for any discomfort caused by these comments.

It's unfair for me to comment on the sad circumstances of the mother mentioned. I think I've been around enough unnecessary death and enough isolated people- mothers included. As I said I appreciate the more wholesomeness of face face contact. I'm not comfortable using your example though. I dont see the impact BB had on her situation. Whilst there many first contact mental and emotional health sites, apart from a peer support role (as we have for ourselves in ambulance and nursing) BB shouldnt be seen as, I don't know, as some sort of armchair counsellors or something it's not. Identifying those at risk or needing support is highly important here, but referral to appropriate professional and similar networks is so important

What I am saying for me in not hanging on BB is that my mental and emotional well being nor my ability to parent doesn't and shouldn't hinge on my membership or access to BB in the way that I interact with it.

I dont need any convincing on the benefits of BB and I'm not trying to ridicule it or you either. I certainly appreciate the depth of interaction of members that do catch up, and the benfits. With 20,000 or so members thats must be a hell of a lot of barbies, picnics and morning teas!

Similarly who cares about cliques? Don't want to talk to me or respond to me? So what, the world will keep spinning.

Anyways I simply go back to what I orignally think, you get out of it what you want and as I've been told we are free to leave if we don't like it.
If there is ill feeling then maybe it's because some aren't getting out of it what they once did or what they want now.
It's easier to blame the faceless community than be reflective on your own behaviours, but that doesn't make the community absent of blame.

I hear your points thankyou for them.