SB, nah, my example wasn't about BB's accountability at all. It was to illustrate how in real life a mother in real trouble could just pass the notice of those around her. It was after that that Kelly and others encouraged face to face meet ups, because it's harder to slip through cracks when you know someone IRL and know how to contact them offline. Her physical community is implicted heavily, as was her inability to know how to get help...which is kind of reflexive, because in a better functioning community she would not have been left alone with the responsibility of getting help or of looking after her kids and the better functioning community would have help far more accessible to people who don't know as much about how to get it all by themselves.
So, people come to BB as a point of contact, like Liz said. It can often be like a referral system. The private support forums aren't designed for people to get treatment in. As mentioned, the members in there will be the ones to say "geez, what an awful situation, it is/is not like mine, here's who I recommend you call for clarity and further assistance". Often, Platinum members will go to the Plat section for more privacy and then be referred to a private group for even more confidentiality and peer support. Peer support, like in emergency services, is not counselling - it's support to get to the appropriate resources if a chat and virtual cry on the shoulder isn't enough. I'm involved in Peer Support as a firefighter, so that's the perspective I take - it's similar to ambos and police, just a lot more confidential.
And in no way was I meaning to diminish a father's role. If you stopped turning up for work, or had a high rate of absenteeism because of PND, someone would notice and you would be picked up on it sooner. You have retained employment STATUS, is probably what I could have said better. So many women nowadays give birth later - that's a long time to have an identity as an employed person (read: valued by our society) to unemployed and being 'invisible' at home (read: devalued by society). It's the social isolation that can cripple mothers who are at home with their kids - not just a social crippling, it's also an emotional and psychological crippling, because it's all interrelated and humans are social animals for survival reasons. We're wired to be social. The way isolation affects parenting (mother or father and particularly mothers who are designed to stay with their babies, whether we do or not in the end) means connection with others is vital. Lots of women here know what I'm talking about from experience and are probably nodding heads. This was just to clarify and it seems you know what I'm driving at.
I completely agree that BB and any forum is as good as what you want to get out of it. My requirements fluctuate depending on many things and moments in time. This week I've been kept at home with the kids will illness. I'm supposed to be studying and if not studying then my 4yo needs loads of physical stimulation to keep him out of trouble while I'm living at my MiL's! So, BB has stepped into the breach where catching up with friends who have families has not taken place.
Trillian - he he, likewise
Liz and SB, I guess that's what I was trying to say! I agree that it's not the community's fault and extend it to say it's not JUST the community's 'fault' when things get heated. I mean, it's a community, and what community has no challenges? It's full of PEOPLE for goodness' sake