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Thread: Endo and painful sex

  1. #1

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    Exclamation Endo and painful sex





    Just wanting to see how many of you out there that have Endo suffer from painful sex from your Endo?

    I'm feeling really alone and like im the only one that is going through this so it would be great to meet others who are going through this also.

    My DP and I have not had sex for about 4 years! We try but everytime I end up crying because of the pain and he ends up feeling upset also he hates seeing me that way and never wants to push me into it so I do feel very lucky!

    Hope to hear from you all

  2. #2

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    Hi elephant,

    Sorry to hear about your pain I suffer from this but not to that extent.

    I'm not sure how to word this appropriately, but I don't have much pain provided he is gentle and doesn't enter completely. My DP is also very understanding and is aware of my limits. He gets carried away sometimes however a sharp yelp from me usually makes him back off, so to speak.

    It was trial and error for a while but we found certain positions that lessened the pain, and of course other activities as a substitute.

    I'm not sure if it's a symptom of endo but I have a low sex drive, and the prospect of painful sex is a bit of a turn off to say the least. The ability to look forward to and enjoy making love with DP would be wonderful!

    Hopefully the ladies here may be able to help you a bit more

  3. #3

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    Desist, thanks for your reply I do undertstand what you mean about not entering completely etc we have tried that but it still hurts! We have tried other positions and some do hurt more than others and we are yet to find one that we can do without me having to say stop it hurts too much.
    I dont think me or my DP can relax enough anyway he always worries he will hurt me so he gets on edge and so am I cos Im worried about the pain so we both find it a very awkward experience!

    I too have a very low sex drive and who wouldnt when you think of the prospect of painful sex. I don't think I am every relaxed because I am always worried it will be painful!

    I hope you and I can one day have the joy of making love pain free! Whats that like again? he he he!

    Whats your endo like and are you being treated with for your endo?

  4. #4

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    I had this problem when we were first married which put a real damper on our honeymoon!! Luckily for me I was able to have it removed surgically as it was only one small area. My gynie said it was on an ovary in the worst place for pain but the best place for being able to fix it.

    So even though I only suffered with it for a short time I can totally sympathise with the feeling, and it did take me a while afterwards to enjoy sex again as I was always tense in anticipation of it maybe hurting again.

    I hope you can find a solution.

  5. #5

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    Dee73 - great to hear that the surgery helped All the best for 'no endo' for years and years to come!

    elephant - I had a lap in november '06 and had endo burnt off. I do not know where it was or to what extent. The surgeon (not endo specialist) was not the communicative type and I did not ask questions at the time. Yes, I was a fool!

    Unfortunately the pain has been worse since the lap and I have been ignoring the issue/trying to live with it since. The idea of spending so much money again for no result doesn't appeal to me. The waiting period for my PHI has now expired so I'm looking to find some answers.

    I'll be seeing my GP next week and hope to be referred to an endo specialist for a consult. I will be asking many, many questions this time

  6. #6

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    desist - I think the more we deal with our endo the more we learn what we need to ask and if your dr is not a specialist or forthcoming with any info to ease your concerns it doesnt make life easy.

    I was the same I think before I was diagnosed with endo i thought if I could ignore things they will go away in time but they didn't and its so hard even now when nothing seems to work.

    Good luck with your search for a specialist because finding the right one is the key to a successful treatment! Kepp me posted as I would like to hear how you are going!

  7. #7
    wiildn Guest

    Default Another point of veiw

    Hello there,
    I am a 22yr old male and my 20yr old girl friend has endometriosis and chrones disease. She was diagnosed about 3 years ago with both, although, we have never had a 'normal' sex life. She also has a very low sex drive, so occasionally we try a little foreplay and she can enjoy it but that only lasts about 5 mins before it will hurt. We have tried creams, different lubricants, every position yet it always ends with her in tears and me feeling bad, I was wondering if anyone knows of anything that can help. With the awareness for endometriosis and chrones growing I hope this is something that gets addressed.

  8. #8

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    Going in for a lap with an endo specialist in brisbane on 30/4 - after one appointment I trust him and has a good rep, from what I've seen and heard.

    I'm not getting my hopes up too much (my last op made it worse!) but I'm quietly confident that it will help ;-) I'll send an update once I know the results.

  9. #9

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    Hey Desist,

    Good luck with your lap on the 30th I will be thinking of you! I hope all goes well and you get some relief from your endo pain!!!!

  10. #10

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    Hi Wiildn,

    I would like to extend a warm welcome to this forum!

    I think its wonderful that you are so supportive of your girlfriend and are trying to help her through her pain and that you are working together because thats so important for your relationship!

    I read your post and it was like reading what my boyfriend would say about our relationship! I have had endometriosis for most of our relationship and suffer from extremely painful sexual intercourse like your girlfriend as well as many other symptoms. We try to have sex and I end up crying also and my partner never knows what to say or do to make me feel better the poor guy. Its a huge emotional burden for us, I know speaking for myself I feel like less of a woman because I am unable to have a 'normal' sex life and I think due to all my pain etc I find my sex drive very low because it causes so much pain etc sometimes its just easier to avoid sex!

    How was she diagnosed with endometriosis? Has she had a laparoscopy?

    I have had the surgery remove my endometriosis but I was left with some nerve pain which is the same pain as the endo so Im currently going through some different treatments to find some pain relief.

    Let your girlfriend know if she needs some support and someone to chat to she is more than welcome to message me and we can have a chat as I know how much better I feel when I can chat with someone that is going through the same thing and really understands!

    Good luck and please feel free to ask me any more questions!

  11. #11

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    hi there,
    i haven't been diagnosed with endo yet, and i'm currently going through fertility treatment, however i've been having painful sex for many years. And yes i truly feel your pain.
    my DH and i have devised a routine where we know which time of the month hurts more than others and what positions we can and can't do. i too get anxious beforehand and i feel it has impacted on my sexdrive but i try and relax as much as possible.
    just before my periods doesn't hurt as much, so we make it to the bedroom a bit more and just after my periods i can't even do anything for at least a week. we try to sneak some postions in however sometimes ends up with a sharp pain and near tears, so we basically stear clear.
    it's very frustrating. this pain is deep and has been gradually getting worse and at first every doctor told me to just use lube. i was going home in tears each time totally confused/frustrated, plus i didn't know anyone else going through this untill i found this site.
    finally my gynae believes i have endo but have to wait for the specialist to see what's next.
    fortunately for me i have an amazing DH who never pushes me and always understands, but i used to feel so bad at first, even though there was nothing i could do about it.
    it's a little hard for us at the moment cause we are TTC but i've been having terrible ovulation pain and painful sex. but we're working on it.
    i know it sounds like a roster but if you can work out which positions are good for you and whether there are times of the month that hurt less than others just go for them. i've found it much less stressful and enjoyable for both of us.
    hope relief comes to all of us soon.

  12. #12

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    Well i went for a lap end of april, the doc removed some endo, left some there but there wasn't much to start with

    I'm now tricycling so no severe monthly pain, but my general lower abdo pain is getting worse I had some bad PMS moods before going on the pill (combined plus progesterone only, never been on it before) but now it's constant! I'm a little moody to say the very least, i was annoyed the other night and decided to punch the floor, i felt better afterward but broke my hand

    Sex is still painful and DP is not as understanding as he was - he claims he needs it every other day and he becomes a bit mean if he doesnt get it. He says it's not my fault and he doesn't mean to take it out on me, but damn how horny can he be... My sex drive is zero! So now he wants to take up pot again to 'deal with it'. What a cop out. Yay for having a zonked out partner lol.

    Hrmm that was only supposed to be a general update ... oops, sorry for the rant! I suppose what I'm getting at is the lap hasn't worked :P

  13. #13

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    hey desist,

    Im sorry to hear your lap wasn't as successful as you had hoped I know the disappointment I felt when I went through that!

    Well I am pretty much the same still having all the same pain but I have been to my appointment at the pain clinic and she has given me some advice and some medication so im hoping I notice the improvement soon!

    Sex for me is not currently an issue my partner and I split after seven years and I have moved out of the home we shared now I am focussing on myself and improving my pain. The endo wasnt the reason for the split but im sure it helped put strain on our relationship!

  14. #14

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    Hi everyone,
    I actually also have really painful sex. I am so glad to see this thread!
    I went to see a GP and she did some blood tests, pap smear, sent me to ultrasound and everything came back normal so she suggested perhaps I should see a psychologist.
    But I know it true and clear that it's not in my head ... and I also noticed that if my DH doesn't enter completely then it tends to be less painful ...
    Did you have any other symptoms with endo? How were you initially diagnosed with endo?
    I certainly have an extremely low sex drive, let's just say we wouldn't be doing it if not because I want to have a bub ...

  15. #15

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    I definitely had painful sex with Endo, so much so that I would be in tears after sex all the time. Unfortunatly it inflicted enough damage in my head that it has put me off sex. I had a laproscopy at 22, when all my endo was removed and the sex wasn't painful after that, and hasn't been since but I can't help remembering that pain all the time, no matter how relaxed I am.

    They only discovered Endo cause my initial lapraoscopy was investigative surgery as an ultrasound picked up growing mass. My whole endo story can be found here Endometriosis - My Story
    Last edited by Astrolady; June 19th, 2008 at 09:48 PM.

  16. #16

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    I'm sorry to hear about your relationship elephant, here's hoping you get the benefits you need from the YOU time, and that you find a caring doctor

    secretmission - the main symptoms of endo I had (started at 16yo) were very painful periods and ovulation which progressively got worse over the years. 6 years later mum told me that both she and my grandma had endo, so I had a laparoscopy and they burnt some off. Had another lap last April.

    My "IBS-like" symptoms of endo (common for endo) were made far worse after each operation, so this is what I'm currently trying to sort out

  17. #17

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    I got IBS-like symptoms since about 4 months ago ... I bought a bottle of those IBS enzymes and didn't seem to help very much, looks like I should go and get some help if it still doesn't work after I finish this bottle!
    Thanks for the feedback desist.

    Quote Originally Posted by desist View Post
    I'm sorry to hear about your relationship elephant, here's hoping you get the benefits you need from the YOU time, and that you find a caring doctor

    secretmission - the main symptoms of endo I had (started at 16yo) were very painful periods and ovulation which progressively got worse over the years. 6 years later mum told me that both she and my grandma had endo, so I had a laparoscopy and they burnt some off. Had another lap last April.

    My "IBS-like" symptoms of endo (common for endo) were made far worse after each operation, so this is what I'm currently trying to sort out

  18. #18

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    Well I have some good news so I thought I would come on here and share it!
    I have been on the gebapentin for about a month and a half and i have also started a relationship with a guy who I was friends with so knew all about my endo before any relationship started so really was interested in me and didnt mind that sex etc might be non existant!

    We had sex and for the first time in years and years no pain at all!!!! That gabapentin is my wonder drug. Several sexual encounters later all is still good so now I know it wasnt just a one off!
    I can't help but wonder is it the drug alone or was part of the pain psychological due to being in my previous somewhat unhappy relationship?
    Anyone got an views on this i would love to hear them?

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