thank you willow.

I'm doing ok. I'm just very very tired. I have had a very full on week at work and have just been busy keeping my head above water.

DH and I had a chat this morning. He understands that our marriage is at breaking point. He even went as far as to tell me that the only reason he is still here is because of DD and because he feels I can't cope financially on my own. How noble (note sarcasim). I told him I'll be fine (even though I'm not convinced of that myself). Neither of us want the marriage to be over, but neither of us feel that we have the energy to fight. We are going to give it another chance. But this is the last chance I will be giving him.

What scared me during our conversation though, I raised the possibility of DD and I moving back to our home state and how we would organise visitation in those circumstances - he said he wouldn't have anything to do with her at all... very sad. I asked what he would want if we staid in Vic, he said he will probably have little to do with DD if we split. That makes me so sad for DD. And I feel like it was an attempt at holding me ransom. Especially since he had spent ages telling me that if we split we need to live in the same house for continuity for DD. WTF? He said it will be too disruptive for her... but I think it would be more disruptive if we seperated but staid together - do you know what I mean? sigh. Poor DD - I explained to DH that she will always need her Daddy and he should be a part of her life. For the record, I don't think he could keep away - he does love her immensely. But he also said that he would expect me to find someone else and that I wouldn't want him around if I did find someone. Again, I explained that he is DD's Daddy and will always be a part of her life. If I found someone else, we would work around it. It's not like he has to be a part of MY life - he just needs to be a good Daddy to DD.

Anyway, we have agreed to give it another go. But this is the last chance from me. I can't keep doing this. I can't give him endless chances. I hope this works. But if it doesn't, I'm ok with walking away. I've made peace with that.

Thank you for your support everyone. I will keep you all updated. I promise.

Torn