But abusive relationships don’t start with violence, Reinecke-Clayton said. Abusers slowly gain control over their victims by first isolating them in manipulative ways, such as asking them to stay home and spend time with them instead of going out with friends. Over time, the victim’s friends stop reaching out to her. The same kind of manipulation works to push away the victim’s family. Eventually the psychological manipulation turns to physical violence. But by then, the victim has usually been in a relationship with her abuser for a long time.
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