Avoiding gender and sexuality 'norms'

[Smoke Jaguar]

I guess, using the 'bad masculinity' thing and taking it further, there is also a 'bad femininity' to be avoided at the very same time. To me, 'bad masculinity' is power seeking and power assertion, and 'bad femininity' is submission. There is masculinity and femininity without these and that's what I want DS and my other future children to learn and appreciate. No daughter of mine will have reason to believe that men can do something better than she can. Even where they patently can - I will never be the one to say she should back off and let the men do it if she believes she's able.
I am in no way going to suggest to DS that we are all actually androgynous, because that's clearly untrue. However, until he gets a bit older, these are the years when it doesn't actually matter what sex he is, so he doesn't need to play out a gender (sex and gender being two distinct concepts to me) until he's ready. I'm just going to preserve that innocence a bit longer and choose clothes that are fluid and expressive of his character, not his sex or gender. People buy him clothes that are more gender-orientated than I'd choose myself and that's ok - the ones who have the inclination to buy him clothes know what I'm like, so I've never had anything that's been really affronting to my philosophy!
I have a boy with long hair and strangers will often ask what sex he is. He doesnt' care. I don't care. I'm not going to cut his hair so that people can know if he's a boy or a girl. And I'll be asked even when he's wearing his army shirt and jeans, so even clothes aren't enough to tip some people off. Lucky for me, though, I don't mind the confusion, it doesn't offend me and DS can carry on being himself. I also like the long hair because it means no-one DOES come up to DS and start gendering him - they're just not sure what to say and I much prefer that time bought by hesitation from uncertainty!
I hate it when my mum sees DS do something and says "No, don't be a sissy" or "that's for sissies" etc. I abhor it, actually, and wish I could snap those words out of the air so that he never has to hear them.
This is how I see it applying to my family and I know others feel very differently. That's fine, too
ETA yep, Bec, I would also like to think that strength, integrity, courage etc are qualities we can find in any human being. But I'm a raging socialist (I think...) and my mum has fostered these very things in me since infancy. She comes from a culture entrenched in Machismo, so go figure.
How utterly disempowering to be punished for doing exactly the same thing as your brother! I'm afraid that such attitudes still exist I never use that term anymore and haven't for years because I started to question it whilst still in school (probably because I was called that, for no reason, and then wondered who it applied to...and came up with my answer of 'no-one').
My dad travelled a lot when I was younger, so male role models were thin on the ground (also with no relatives this side of the equator!), leaving us girls to form and flex our characters unhindered by overt 'masculinity' in the common sense.