I had known for a long time before i had children that small babies were very stimulated by eye contact. It's part of the initial bonding process when they are born, those few hours after birth when they are very alert and will gaze into your eyes, learn to recognise your voice, your scent, your face etc. For us this is a lovely time too, but think of how intense and alert it felt, many many women who had even quite hard births talk of staying up all night looking at their newborn. That's similar to the baby's experience but it doesn't wear off so fast as it does for us. They get kind of sleepy with just a few brief snatches of this alertness each day for the next few weeks while they do some growing, but for those early weeks eye contact IS very stimulating for them. Some babies find it so intense (i've seen videos of this) they cannot break eye contact once it's made. I've seen a video of a loving mother gazing into the eyes of a 3 week old baby as she cuddles him until he is crying and crying because it is so full-on and he is so tired by it.

I understand what people are saying about it seeming callous or unkind, but this is not about NEVER giving your child eye-contact, it's about allowing them the peace to settle when they're tired. Looking into the eyes of an over-stimulated, exhausted newborn is like playing loud music to them except worse because they can ignore loud music but their mother's expressions and responses are SO important to them that they cannot "risk" going to sleep then - it's a biolgical drive. If you look at any other mammals the offspring know they're safe and secure when mum is close by but NOT looking at them - the looks communicate and the most important communication in the early days is danger, thus everything is run through the danger filter before being analysed further by the newborn's brain.

When my DD was little and needed to sleep i didn't give her eye contact. I cuddled her into the wrap and went about my day as if she wasn't there. Safe in the knowledge that i was close and that nothing important enough for me to tell her about it with a look into her eyes, she fell asleep peacefully. She has always been a good sleeper, i still communicate to her with my bodylanguage and by giving or not giving eye contact. Whose mother didn't give them "the look" when they were in trouble? Eye contact says ALOT more than just "i love you" and a newborn has not learned the language yet. It makes sense that continuous eye contact is too much for them.

What is appropriate for adults isn't always appropriate for newborns and littlies. The most calming colours for adults to be surrounded by are green and blue. For newborns the most soothing colour is red, because that is what their brain has seen (light onto belly when in the womb). They have done studies where childcare rooms painted red actually have calmer kids but most don't do it because PARENTS think it looks too intense and won't send their kids there.

It is not going to harm a child not having eye contact during the night. It is not the same as never giving them eye contact.