i had an interesting conversation recently with DH and another couple that showed how much he has been changed by our experiences. our friends are pregnant with their first bub and were saying they had a heap of appts and tests already and a heap coming up. dh was awesome, he showed empathy and talked about all the appts and tests offered (mainly with DDs pregnancy), and then said (with a sense of admiration) 'after awhile hoti just started saying no'. it was such a great way of raising the possibility that you don't have to accept all that they offer, and it was great to hear it said with admiration rather than being seen as a troublemaker. i have always felt my decisions were supported by DH, but the way he spoke was that now he believes that my decisions have been the right ones AND he is happy to encourage others to question and find the right way for them.
I don't think i have described it very well, but it sort of fits into whether to talk up or not, and i probably wouldn't have in that context, but DH did and i think the way he did it opened up the opportunity for further discussion if and when the other couple are ready or face issues with their care.
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