Younger Couples Chat ~ January 2008 #2

**reganelizabeth** · January 13th, 2008, 02:44 PM

Kirsty - Yeah I never really thought logan could be that bad.. Boy was wrong!
Jo - I'm sure you'll go great at Redlands. I've heard good things! I'm so jealous of the excitement you must be feeling right now! So close to the due date! And don't worry about getting to the right hospital, I'm sure bubs will give you some notice early in the day as to whether you're going into labour.
Nina - I'm sure you'll love it over here in Brisbane. The only thing will be the weather, however if you're from Darwin, I'm sure you're more than used to hot weather. Are you moving over here before or after you give birth?
Sally - that's so good to hear you're working things out between your ex!
Me, on the other hand, is having constant troubles with mine. Girls do you think I'm being unreasonable? Our situation:
Nick and I were together for just over a year living in Melbourne, I moved back home to brisbane for uni, a week later found out I was pregnant. He moved up a few months later, even though we were sort of broken up. After the baby was born, we got back together and were together for 1.5years, then broke up. Now a year on.. he told me today he's thinking of moving back to Melbourne "for uni" next year. I got quite upset and couldn't understand why he needs to be on the other side of the country to study. If he does his uni course part time, he'll be gone for six years! I keep telling him how much of Ruben's life he'll be missing out on.. Also, I REALLY doubt he'll move back at the end of his degree. Whether he does it fulltime for 3 years or parttime for 6 years.. he'll be quite settled again (all his friends and family are in melb.. he really doesn't like brisbane and is quite unhappy here). But basically he thinks it'll be easier to study there as he can live at home so therefore won't have to pay his $200 and something rent that he pays here.
I told him I really think it's a bad idea, as Ruben will really suffer without his Daddy in his life. I've even told Nick he doesn't need to pay me child support anymore, told him he could move into student accommodation as it's cheaper and I would drop ruben off both days on the weekend without him staying overnight (ruben wouldn't be able to stay in a shared accommodation house). I told him I'll do whatever it takes to help him manage a degree/work/child. I honestly think Ruben will really be affected by his dad living so far away, where he'll see him a couple of times a year.
Am I being unreasonable? I just want what's best for Ruben.

**Early Kids** · January 13th, 2008, 05:11 PM

Quiet in here today!!

Reganelizabeth, I'm in two minds over that one. Firstly it is important for Ruben to have his father in his life, but secondly its no good having a father who would rather be somewhere else. You've made enough compromises, but really you can't force him to stay. Sorry, if its not what you want to hear. I dont think you are being unreasonable, you have offered and its now up to him to decided where he wants to do his uni.

Take Care

**Kazmar** · January 13th, 2008, 06:10 PM

Reganelizabeth: My heart is breaking 4 u as this would b a horrible thing 2 go through.
Nick has every right 2 do his degree in Melbourne but he needs 2 relise with parenting comes sacrafising(soz not sure how 2 spell). I mean he cant just one day say "Well, i want 2 do a uni course now so ill be going 2 melbourne." Nick needs 2 really think about whats important and thats his son. Right now prob isn't the best time 2 go back 2 Melbs. Cant he do a course in Brissy? I understand that he might hate Brissy but he needs 2 get over it and make friends there as his son comes b4 him and all that his son knows is in Brissy, family etc. Basicly he needs 2 try and make Brissy work 4 his son. If his not willing 2 do it, well u cant make someone care when they dont care about bubs they way u want them 2. Its tricky and Nick is prob very confused on what 2 do, i mean he wants 2 something with his life which as i said is his right but he needs 2 make it work in Brissy or do his course later on in life when u and Ruban can move 2 Melbs.

**reganelizabeth** · January 13th, 2008, 06:29 PM

Hey Kass and Sally,
Sally - No no, don't apologize. I agree with you. I can't make him stay, it just breaks my heart that Ruben may have to grow up with a long distance father. I had to do it, and I'm pretty sure it's affected me quite badly in many aspects of my life even today, and I'd hate Ruben to have to go through that and live with those rejection feelings for the rest of his life.
Kass - That's exactly how I feel. I understand he wants to make something of his life and it's going to be easiest in Melbourne, I just wish he could struggle through it and do it here, for Ruben's sake. I really really care for Nick and it truly upsets me when he tells me he barely has anything to live for while up here.. But I hate what it could do to Ruben. I've given up friends, uni, a social life of ANY kind.. I just wish Nick could study here. I respect that he gave up his whole life in Melbourne to move here and be with Ruben (we weren't really together when he moved up before bubs was born). It's just hard, and I wish it could be simpler. I guess I really expressed my thoughts to Nick today, quite rationally, so it is up to him.
My main concerns are that.. he won't ever come back; he's moving because of his friends down there and not actually uni; his interest in Ruben will eventually dwindle over the years.
Meanwhile, my little man has been so cuddly and chirpy lately. He's sitting on the couch with me now RIGHT next to me with his arm around me. He totally cheers me up whenever anything is wrong haha

**Kazmar** · January 13th, 2008, 06:39 PM

well reaganelizbeth theres ur answer he said he hasn't got anything 2 live 4 up here and doesn't want 2 struggle through uni in Brissy if he truley cared about bubs thats all he'd need 2 live 4 in Brissy and he'd want 2 b where eva Ruban is and if he really loved and cared 4 Ruban he'd struggle through uni just so he could b with his son. So unfortunatly if he goes it just proves how much he doesn't care the way a father should

**JCE0810** · January 13th, 2008, 07:07 PM

Regan- Yeah i'm sure i'll be fine at Redlands too, i think i'm just nervous seeing asi've only got 2 weeks & 3 days until EDD. I'm excited but just not knowing WHEN d-day will actually be as EDD is just an estimate, SIL expected me to be more excited than i'm showing. Yeah i'm hoping Bubs will give me some notice, but DP & SIL are on notice.

Hello to everyone else, sorry for no other personals.

**rustygirl** · January 13th, 2008, 08:03 PM

Hey Regan, I'm sure I will love it too!!!

Anywhere but here.
I will miss some aspects of life here but I can't wait to actually go swimming at the beach. Darwin has 94% humidity on the best of days and there is no relief.....only aircon. I have been to Brisbane in the summer and it is alot cooler. Sad to hear about your situation, but you have done all you can and the rest is out of your hands. If Nick desides to go, all you can do is make sure that Ruben has regular contact with his daddy and that he knows that he loves him. Even though it looks like he doesn't care, he has to. Ruben is his son. He is just being selfish and thinking about himself, something guys seem to do pretty well. Plus because you guys aren't together as a couple it makes for a difficult situation...not siding with him at all. He should stay to be with his son but obviously his thinking only about himself and his comfort which is slack, what will happen will happen. ALl you can do is be a good Mummy to Ruben and shower him with love and affection. Don't worry, it will work out.

**Early Kids** · January 13th, 2008, 10:43 PM

Quiet in here tonight.....

Hope all is well!

**BeautifulMadness** · January 14th, 2008, 07:07 AM

I remember getting our pram......i was sooo excited lol had no diea how to work the silly thing lol
I had so much fun picking out a car seat aswell lol....

Wow you must be sooooo excited jo....oh of course he is lol great story to say her daddy picked her name.

Nina...some babies heads are down...but hey do tend to move...so it all depends....i know with my son he was head down for 2 weeks and then moved lol

**BeautifulMadness** · January 14th, 2008, 07:10 AM

Regan....wow that must be a hard spot for you to be in....As for you're ex i dont think he has thoguht this through very well.....His son should be considered and how it will effect. hopfully he iwll coem to his senses

**JCE0810** · January 14th, 2008, 07:32 AM

Jess- i was excited to be buying the pram i just want everything read for when she arrives, the guy showed us how to work the pram at the shop but when we got home it took a few minutes to work it out for ourselves it was funny when i opened the box & got the pram out (& it wasnt put together) DP said are you serious something else that needs to be put together i PMSL saying dear everything has to be put together, not much comes assembled he rolled his eyes. Yeah DP tells everyone HE picked her name and that she'll be daddys girl etc and i let him apparently i'll be the mean parent & daddy wont be haha. I'm excited i just think that i dont show it on the outside as much as i do on the inside if that makes sense.

Regan- Sorry to hear you've been put a difficult position. In my opinion your ex is being selfish & thinking more about himself & not the consequences of him moving interstate & being away from his son. Ruben needs to have his dad in his life and you seem to br trying to make that happen, but if he doesnt want to stay theres not much that can be done but to try & make the best of the situation.

Nina- my bubs has been head down since 32weeks, as at my dr appt last tuesday was still head down 3/5 engaged, she still moves around like mad but has remained head down.

**Early Kids** · January 14th, 2008, 07:57 AM

Heads down WOOOHOOOOOO!!!! Great news Jo!!

**reganelizabeth** · January 14th, 2008, 08:13 AM

Thanks for all your kind words guys! He does really love and care about Ruben, but yeah as one of you said, guys often put themselves first.
Jessica - my current DP also thinks Nick will eventually come to his senses, so let's hope so!
Jo - yeah, it could really be any time now. We'll know when you stop posting for a day that the bubs is coming!
Nina - it's a year away til he's possibly leaving, so I'm sure we'll be able to work something out. So how long will you guys be staying in Brisbane? Swimming at the beaches here is fantastic! My DP and I are about to go for a work/holiday roadtrip up the QLD coast and are going to learn to scuba dive on magnetic island in the great barrier reef. I'm so beyond excited! But Gold Coast beaches are still great.
Hello to everyone else!

**BeautifulMadness** · January 14th, 2008, 08:16 AM

Wow head down thats fantastic....

yeah they showed us how to work but ahh its hard to fold it when ur the size a blimp lol. im a weakling.
Ashley came 3 weeks early and we hadnt picked up his carseat yet just his pram lol DH had tp walk to our house form the hospital with ash in his pram poor kid lol.

Totally understand i was the same

**Early Kids** · January 14th, 2008, 08:26 AM

Regan, I know you probably dont want to hear this but.... I feel that some fathers that aren't in the "family" environment dont think about the effect of what they do has on their child. Especially younger ones, my DP for instance felt like he missed out on some things that he enjoyed, basically came down to not having enough money (he's a motorcross rider) When we broke up he still didnt have enough money to do those things, and he's now realised that hey I'm missing out on more! Point being that once he gets to Melb and after spending a few weeks there, he might just realise what hes missing out on and come back!
I hope you guys can work it out.

Jo, I had an ultrasound the day before my waters broke and then one after. the day before he was still "floating around and was laying across ways (fine at 28 wks, not good for birth) but on the US after my waters broke he was fully engaged!!! it happens so quickly!

Jessica, LOL, at least you had the pram! Lucky!!! I didnt have anything lol.... no car seat no pram no cot no bassinet.... just some clothes and nappies. LOL

Take Care girls

**JCE0810** · January 14th, 2008, 08:27 AM

Regan- Yeah could be any day now. I'll either stop posting or tell you guys its d-day and swap mobile numbers with one of you, i have Ash's number but not sure how much she'll be online. No problem about the kind words, i'm sure your ex does love & care about Ruben.

Jess- Was kinda scary hearing that bubs was 3/5 engaged 3weeks before EDD haha. I didnt even try and fold the pram i left that for DP all i tried to work on the pram once it was together was the reverse handle & locking the wheels. LOL on only having the pram & no carseat, i hope your DH didnt have far to walk, just goes to show babies come when they want & have their own agendas haha.