Im sorry but Im with the others. The only time when I wouldnt assume that DH and the girls arent invited to an event is when it was said initially, by the invitee. just because she was the only one from her family to come and see you at hospital does not mean that she would 'get' that only she is invited. there have been plenty of times when I have gone and visited someone at hospital after they have had a baby without Dh and the girls. Dh doesnt like hospitals, so he gets to look after the girls whilst I head down there and thats regardless of whether they are DH's friends, my firends or our friends. I consider that to be part of my job as the head female of the house.

I really think you need to have a chat to this woman about the situation, and be prepared for some heat from the conversation too, and the possibility of losing a friend. As far as 'free feed and drink' and no gift, well you stated gifts arent required. And I also assume that when I attend a party there is no need for me to bring any food or drink to the party unless stated on the invitation.

And its not about assuming anything, but if it isnt stated by the invitee than Im not one to give the invitation the 3rd degree.. If the invitee has further terms and conditions to the invitation than it is their responsibility to make sure that they are clear and understood by all invited.