DH & I have been on this TTC rollercoaster for well over 5 years now. At times it really has been hell . The tests, operations, disappointment, empty feelings....I could go on and on. But through it all I feel like I soilder on with a brave face. I happily as watch the women in my life have their first child, 2nd child, 3rd child....and on & on. I reach a point where I feel I don't need to be pregnant to have a child that is my own so I make the decision I cannot go on anymore with TTC, I want to do local adoption. DH supports me, becomes very excited about adoption. We progress in the process......then I change my mind. I cannot be the best mother I can to an adopted child until I have faced my fears of IVF not working and try. DH says okay, we go to the appointment & have all the tests. Before finding out the results we go to Europe for the most amazing 6 weeks of my life, I am me again, not Sarah the women with fertility issues. We return and have our IVF appointment. We decide to ease ourselves into IVF and are trying IUI for 6 months. IVF doctor says the chances of this working are not great, but in IVF terms we are young & if this is what we want to do she is supportive.

This brings me to where I am now........I don't like the thought of giving myself injections to make my body do something it wasn't suppoed to do. I am affraid that this process will not work and that disappointed ache will return and consume me all the time. DH tells me I am overreacting, I shouldn't feel like this, I should just get over how I feel & get on with it. Is it too much of me to ask him to support my errational, emotional feelings and give me compassion? or is he right I am just being ridiculous feeling this way?