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Thread: Any ideas on what we are doing wrong?

  1. #1

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    Unhappy Any ideas on what we are doing wrong?

    Hello all,
    Just looking for some advice on our next step. I know that we are only a short way down the IVF path, but I just dont know what we should be thinking.

    We are doing IVF due to issues. Both DH and I are healthy, relatively young, and appart from long(ish) cycles and spotting (which I've been given progesterone for), we dont have any other (known) probs.

    We have had 3 transfers (with good quality embies) - 1 fresh and 2 thaw with no success - BFN for each. Not even a glips of a pregnancy! I know that with IVF the stats are never in our favour, but I'm just wondering what is going wrong. It is feeling like this will never work for us



    Should we be worried, is this normal, could I have implantation issues and how do I find out? These are just some of the things racing through my head.

    Has anyone any advice about what our next steps should be?

    Thanks
    FG

  2. #2

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    Farmgirl, I don't think it's anything you are doing wrong. I think it just comes down to the fact that IVF sucks, and while it will work for some, others find ourselves going through several stim cycles before they find one that works. If you have a gut feeling that something else may be wrong, it would be worthwhile talking to your FS about what further testing can be done, or what else can be done differently in order to get a different result next time.

    Hang in there...

    BW

  3. #3

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    Hi Farmgirl

    As everyone says it does take longer for some then others to finally achieve their dreams but bet you feel like you are totally hitting your head against a brick wall right about now!
    Im probably not much help but my nurse says that sometimes it just takes a little longer to find the right little treasure. Doesnt seem like much of a consolation but its certainly one way to look at it.
    You are not doing anything wrong at all, it takes courage, hope and strength to embark on that awful IVF journey and you must have all of that to have come this far.
    I absoloutely understand your feelings that it will never work for you, I certainly feel that way a lot more than I would like!
    I too have wondered about the implantation issues and tried to discuss with my FS and he pretty much laughed me down. Needless to say I was not a happy girl! I felt it could be the only answer as everything was 'perfect' as I keep getting told.
    I dont really have any answers but I hope this helps a little.
    Hang in there darlin'. I dearly hope you get everything you dream of really soon

  4. #4

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    No need to worry yet Farmgirl. the doctors say it can just be a numbers game. My sister started IVF when she was 37. they needed it as her dh had a vasectomy. she was told she was "perfect". It took them 3 stim cycles and 7 transfers and she is now 40 and due to have her baby in 4 weeks. hopefully your number will come up next time.

  5. #5
    slyder Guest

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    FG, we're in the same boat basically, sperm (morphology) issues, 1 fresh t/f, 3 frozen t/f and no hint of pregnancy. Our embies have been great with Day 5-6 hatching blasties and 95% cell survival after thaw. DW is apparently normal. Buggered if I know. Our FS says to just keep going for now and see what happens. So it's back to square one, cycle two!

  6. #6

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    Hi FG,

    You are not doing anything wrong - I am certainly not a doctor, but there are good things installed for you. Hang in there and don't give up, we are all thinking of you.

  7. #7

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    Thanks everyone for your positive thoughts - I need them at the moment. After the first two transfers I always bounced back and was able to think 'next time' etc etc, but I'm just not getting that this time. All I can think of is those little embies that were alive that died after they were put inside me - I know thats not rational, but it is how I feel. I cant see how the next time is going to be any different from the last...

  8. #8
    slyder Guest

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    Quote Originally Posted by farmgirl77 View Post
    Thanks everyone for your positive thoughts - I need them at the moment. After the first two transfers I always bounced back and was able to think 'next time' etc etc, but I'm just not getting that this time. All I can think of is those little embies that were alive that died after they were put inside me - I know thats not rational, but it is how I feel. I cant see how the next time is going to be any different from the last...
    It's like you are reading my mind. We're in the same place.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by slyder View Post
    It's like you are reading my mind. We're in the same place.
    I'm sorry that you are feeling like this as well - it is not a fun place to be and I dont wish this on anyone!

    Making things worse for me is just the lack of understanding of what DH and I are going through. Emotionally, I'm feeling like we have suffered 3 MC - in less than 5 months! And yet we get no allowances/understanding from family or people at work (who know we are doing IVF) for what we are going through - this just increases the lonelyness of this journey.

    I hope that things work out for you and your DW on the second cycle :goodluck2:

  10. #10

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    Hey Slyder, long time no chat my friend!

    How are you doing Farmgirl?

    I'm basically in exactly the same boat as you. TTC since Feb 05 mainly due to issues also. Have been through 1 stim cycle & 2 FET cycles which have all been BFNs. We are starting a new FET cycle straight away so this will be #4. I was lucky enough to get 10 frosties after my first stim cycle but I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever get a BFP out of any of them. Very disheartening (and scarey might I add)!

    Hope my story helps you in some small way to let you know that there are ppl out there in your EXACT situation and can understand EXACTLY what you are going through!

    Ciao for now hun!

  11. #11
    slyder Guest

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rara View Post
    Hey Slyder, long time no chat my friend!

    How are you doing Farmgirl?

    I'm basically in exactly the same boat as you. TTC since Feb 05 mainly due to issues also. Have been through 1 stim cycle & 2 FET cycles which have all been BFNs. We are starting a new FET cycle straight away so this will be #4. I was lucky enough to get 10 frosties after my first stim cycle but I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever get a BFP out of any of them. Very disheartening (and scarey might I add)!

    Hope my story helps you in some small way to let you know that there are ppl out there in your EXACT situation and can understand EXACTLY what you are going through!

    Ciao for now hun!
    Hey Rara. You're right! I'm really slack with reading journals, I keep kicking myself up the bum about it. Next job after this is reading Rara's journal

    It is helpful (at least for me) to see other people in the same boat and going through the same things. It's way less isolating that way. I just can't understand why perfectly healthy, robust embies will not grab a whole bunch of uterus and stay put But they (FS etc) reckon that there is a lot more at play and sometimes we just have to wait through factors we can't see. You're both in very good positions to get BFPs in time. Hopefully soon

  12. #12

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    FG - you're not the only one struggling with how to keep going - i've been feeling this as well. i have been going through some absolutely shocking guilt and blaming myself for everything cos we've put back, according to my FS, "absolutely perfect" embryo's, and my body still seems to be able to reject them - even the fighters that have tried so hard to take hold - somehow my body still finds a way to destroy them. no one can seem to understand how that feels (well, obviously those on BB going through it to, but no one IRL) - they see it as a failed cycle - not as anything more significant than that. i guess even the medico's see it like this. they just don't get the heartbreak when it doesnt work!!!

    you're not doing anything wrong hun - it's just a really *****ty situation that we're all stuck in, and it's exacerbated by the self-imposed isolation, and the guilt and anxiety. we're here to support you through this

    BG

  13. #13
    slyder Guest

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    Same deal here, BG. Rip snorter embies, and no luck. If they were iffy or highly fragmented etc, I'd understand, but you sort of assume if you have a number of good'uns it should happen. We had this discussion with our FS recently, and she said it's totally normal, and that perfectly good embies aren't a free ride to pregnancy, and it's nothing to do with the ability of the mother to accept the embryo. In 100 years they'll probably know the factors why, but for now we have to play the numbers game.

  14. #14

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    Thanks all - there are far too many of us struggling with these feelings if only this was an exact science where false hope was not a primary element of every visit to the FS! Ok - enough of being negative (where is the blinky thingy for that...)

    Rara - good luck with this FET and hang in there - you have great strenght to keep going as you are and wishing you a .

    BG - your journey is an inspiration to me and I really admire your strenght to keep going as you do - I'm stumbling just at this point, but you have gone through so much more. You have nothing to beat yourself up for!

    Time for dinner - DH has just come in the door (i'm working from home so can play the domestic godess).

    FG

  15. #15

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    numbers games suck!!

    FG - just reading your OP again - perhaps jump in and find some of the threads relating to Dr Sacks and immunology testing. or even talk to your FS about immunology testing. it's not something that is common, but if it will help to put your mind at ease to know there is nothing else physically that you can do, it might be worth it. i'm going back to see my FS next month - and i'll be putting it to him that i want to have more testing - and if he doesn't offer it, i will be going to see dr s. i don't really think there is anything major, but i have, in the past, had BT results that might suggest immune problems, and if i can put those thoughts to rest by knowing the results...

  16. #16

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    Quote Originally Posted by farmgirl77 View Post
    Making things worse for me is just the lack of understanding of what DH and I are going through. Emotionally, I'm feeling like we have suffered 3 MC - in less than 5 months! And yet we get no allowances/understanding from family or people at work (who know we are doing IVF) for what we are going through - this just increases the lonelyness of this journey.
    FG this really resonates with me and is something I have found the hardest to deal with this whole journey. I totally understand what you are feeling

    do you mind if I raise this in the LTTTC/AC Support Group (One of the new Social Groups?) for the other LTers to discuss too? I think it may be helpful. You can join in the discussion if you like - just need to send Sushee a PM.

  17. #17

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    Default **Pregnancy and Children mentioned**

    Farmgirl,

    please do come join us in the social group. It's been a great place to feel supported through your feelings. I will invite you now.

    I don't know if you know my story, so will give you a small rehash here. I had a tubal ligation at 26 at my ex's insistence, and when he and I split when I was 30, I had a reversal, which we discovered to be unsuccessful. I had a battery of tests which showed there was absolutely no reason why DH and I couldn't concieve with IVF because my only fertility issue was blocked tubes. IVF bypasses the tubes so by rights, we should have been pregnant within the first few cycles. Everyone we saw told us that.

    But it took us 5 stim cycles and 3 FETs to fall pregnant, and in all that time, not even one smidgen of HCG in my system. No one could tell us why, it couldn't be anything underlying (like immunological issues) as I'd had 3 children naturally before. I spoke to the scientist directly. He was at a loss to explain it.

    We were looking at PGD for our next cycle when all of a sudden we got a BFP. We couldn't believe it, but it proves one thing.

    Sometimes it's not anything you're doing wrong. Often this caper is just a numbers game. Like throwing the dice and waiting for 2 sixes. Sometimes you get them first go, and sometimes it takes a lot longer than that.

  18. #18

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    Thanks Dusty and Sushee for the invite to the social group - the group seems like a great idea and i would love to participate - thanks

    BG - thanks for reminding me of the immunology thread - I'll go and review. I know it is grasping at straws but I think that as a kid I had some sort of prob with arthritus (bad spelling ) as I remember going to specialists and having tests to make sure it was not lupus (?). I remember being put on a low acid diet or something similar (only remember because no pinapple or coke). But have no probs now so dont think it would be a contributing factor - but then again who knows? My other back of the mind issue is my mum's history - I think that she may have suffered multipul MC - even though she had my sister and I young (we wore a mat dress to her 21st!) But prob is my mum does not know we are TTC let along on IVF! She has some medical and emotional issues that mean we try not to draw her into our lives, and I cant always trust what she says either - so reliability of info is always a prob. No one else on my side of the family is really up with what we are doing so there is no alternative pathways to info - and my dad just had a baby with his new wife so I'm not even going there for any conversations about TTC!

    Sushee - thanks for sharing your story - it just proves that somewhere there is light at the end of the tunnel - if only we find the right one!

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