incomplete, if they knew everything you have been through then yes they were being insensitive. but then again, as it has not been a long road for them they probably have no idea how upsetting it is to hear people are pregnant when you have to go through so much. I am thinking if it had been their 4th cycle too, they would have been much more aware of what you might be going through.
As you said, a blessing has come from it, in that you had that talk with your DH.
Re families - if you have to avoid family gatherings to stay sane then do that or at least make sure you remove yourself from particularly upsetting situations. Just remember that because people have not been through what you are going through they will find it hard to understand what you are going through so may seem to you to be "thoughtless".They are not doing it to hurt you, they just have no idea how their words are affecting you. ((hugs))
I just want to give you a . It's so hard to wait our turn at times when all we tend to do is compare how many cycles we've done compared to those who have been successful. In one way it gives me hope ( eg. They took 8 cycles), but in others it's a form of torture (they had success on their first cycle, so when is it my turn).
As for your DH, it's great that you had that talk. I'm just begining to realize how hard this is on my DH as he's talking about it and making comments more and more. I think initially he tried to be the "strong" one and hold it all together. I think that's geting harder for him to do but the good things is we are talking and dealing with it together more than before. I hope you and your DH can find the comfort in each other that you need.
Please come in hear and talk more if you need. There are people that understand and can relate. again.
My niece was in a very similar situation. She too reacted badly to her SIL's pregnancy, but everyone understood and she was fine after the initial shock. However, they simply decided that the family Xmas get togethers, which included two pregnancies were more than she could deal with.
They organised to go visit some interstate friends (childless) for christmas. They had a nice time and nobody objected to them doing what was best for them.
It's such a difficult time for you, and so unfair, but do try and stay positive.
My niece now has a beautiful daughter, 11 months younger than her cousin
I know how u feel. We were TTC for 2 years. My SIL was with Dp's brother for 3 weeks and wamo! i felt sick.. angry.. upset. They spoke about it like it was just another day in their lives. I mean FFS. I did congradulate them, but it was eating me up inside. So many horrible thoughts went through my mind, like, i hoped they would misscarriage. I know thats sooo horrible to think, but i was really mess up about it. Once their DD was born, 3 months later they were pregnant again! It felt like they were shoving it right in my face. I was on fertility treatments by this stage, and i finally got my BFP. Her DS was born 6 weeks before my DD. And since, she has had another.. so thats 3, 2 and under.
Feel free to let it out here hunni. Its not good to keep it bottled up inside.
Im praying for u that one day you will have your forever baby. Hang in there xoxox
I think you did a damn sight better than I did when I heard SiL was pg, and when I heard Cousin was pg.
I'd also be going away, just the two of you, for Christmas. It's a famiy time. You and DH are a familly - it doesn't have to be an extended family time.
when my SIL told us that she was pg with her second, DH took the call, and I could tell what the news was from the look on his face - I just ran down the hall in tears and cried for hrs - even though they had been through a terrible time with their first (was diagnosed with cancer at 6 months) and deserved a h&h pg! How bad did I feel!
It took me a while to realise that 1. my inital emotional reactions where always hard - tears etc etc, but when that inital shock was gone eg a few days later, I could seperate the feelings a bit more and understand that yes, I was happy for the couple, but that at the same time I felt jelousy, fear that we would never be in that position and just the grief at the losses we had gone through. By understanding this, it meant that I was not so hard on myself for how I reacted at first hearing the news, but then I could congratulate people a few days later when I had rationalised my feelings.
BUT, you do no have to put yourself in positions that make it harder for yourself. DH and I spent last xmas together at home - shunned the rest of the family (inc pg SIL) and finished off my bird avaries and moved in the budgies (their best xmas ever!). If you feel obligated to do something with people, make it so you can leave early or have an escape plan eg instead of going to someones house, go out for lunch somewhere and if you need to go for a walk and do some window shoping to get away from conversations about kids! You need to look after yourself and your DH - so do whatever you need to to preserve your mental health and strenght.
Remember that this is not easy, and you are intitled to feel upset and devestated during this journey...dont be too hard on yourself.
Just let it all out here - we can take it.
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