when my SIL told us that she was pg with her second, DH took the call, and I could tell what the news was from the look on his face - I just ran down the hall in tears and cried for hrs - even though they had been through a terrible time with their first (was diagnosed with cancer at 6 months) and deserved a h&h pg! How bad did I feel!

It took me a while to realise that 1. my inital emotional reactions where always hard - tears etc etc, but when that inital shock was gone eg a few days later, I could seperate the feelings a bit more and understand that yes, I was happy for the couple, but that at the same time I felt jelousy, fear that we would never be in that position and just the grief at the losses we had gone through. By understanding this, it meant that I was not so hard on myself for how I reacted at first hearing the news, but then I could congratulate people a few days later when I had rationalised my feelings.

BUT, you do no have to put yourself in positions that make it harder for yourself. DH and I spent last xmas together at home - shunned the rest of the family (inc pg SIL) and finished off my bird avaries and moved in the budgies (their best xmas ever!). If you feel obligated to do something with people, make it so you can leave early or have an escape plan eg instead of going to someones house, go out for lunch somewhere and if you need to go for a walk and do some window shoping to get away from conversations about kids! You need to look after yourself and your DH - so do whatever you need to to preserve your mental health and strenght.

Remember that this is not easy, and you are intitled to feel upset and devestated during this journey...dont be too hard on yourself.

Good luck
FG