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Hi Everyone,

In the Monday morning meeting at work, we were all told that another staff member has fallen pregnant. As much as I was happy for her, I felt my head spinning and I wanted to run out of the room.

I went home that night and couldn't tell my husband that another person had fallen pregnant because I didn't want him to get depressed. Instead I had dinner, had a shower and went to bed. I tried reading 'Natural Fertility' by Francesca Naish and that made me even more depressed. I also started to feel guilty. When I was 23 I had left an abusive relationship and found myself pregnant. I knew in that state that I was that I was not ready to bring up a child as I was fighting my own demons at the time. I just want to add that this is a very hard topic for me to open up about because I know that I may be judged for my actions.

Anyway I feel much better now. For those who don't already know I am having a laproscopy and hopefully this will be the next step to motherhood.