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Thread: Scream, cry, vent! #2

  1. #91

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    Thanks Tam, yep sure is. No i don't know how they prioritise, but have just sent a fax to the clinic explaining what's happened since my appointment last month & asking for more info. My Step Mum is going thru menopause & she got in in a month (Jan to Feb this year) & they found nothing, so is menopause more important than infertility issues? Turning 30 in Oct & desperately want to be pg before then. He only operates fortnightly tho & there aren't many on the list, just more with higher priorities.


  2. #92
    Lynny Guest

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    Just a bit of a cry... :-({|=

    Feeling a bit down in the dumps since late yesterday. One minute DH is all for having kids and even is excited at the prospect of the increased chance of twins from IVF, paints the spare room yellow, measures the boot of the new car to see if a pram will fit...

    Then last night when I talk to him about it, he says he's not sure because of all the people he knows who have kids they seem like so much hassle!! :? I admit our nephew and niece are right little terrors which doesn't help my case of course

    So yeah, just a bit blah about it all and the infertility thing again.

    I feel like if I'm not going to be a mum then what on earth am I going to do for the rest of my life?! :-s

    Thanks for listening

  3. #93

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    Lyn - big hugs
    what can I say but tell him not all kids are little terrors and even little terrors are lovable most of time - to their parents,nanas,pops and aunties -now Uncles they can take a bit longer to come to the party. Once Dad sets his eyes on his prize -they are a little darlin' thru and thru

    It is part of the plan - kids enrich our lives and we have take the 'job lot' in deciding to include them in our lives -*sigh* -given the chance. I too often wondered the same question before we adopted.

    Give him time the whole infertility thing probably gets him down too.
    Thinking of you - note we are all very wise about kids before we have any and think when we have our own we will have all the answers to behaviour problems but different story when your earth angel comes along.

  4. #94

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    I have found that when DH seems to get down about the whole infertility thing he does the rapid change of mind as well, and starts about how much money we would save not having kids and how we could do what we want and so on.... but later he has admitted (once) that it is easier for him that way.

    Men! They just handle things so much more differently than we do. And a lot of the time because we dont understand that is what they are doing, it gets very upsetting.

    Hang in there Lyn... like Trish said, all he will need to do is lay his eyes on his baby and BAM!


    Keen

  5. #95

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    Lyn - I might understand where your DH is coming from. It could be a defence mechanism he's putting up so he's not disappointed. I used the excuse that my sisters kids were mental and avoided all baby talk to try and talk myself out wanting kids (worked for maybe 5 mins) but I had everyone else fooled. In fact people were so surprised when I announced my pregnancy because they all thought I hated kids!.

    But then again I don't understand men either. Give him time - he'll deal with it differently to you, just be there for each other.

  6. #96
    Lynny Guest

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    Thanks babyangelmum, Keen and humphrey. It's just good to write it down sometimes. I know he does think differently and it's just frustrating when he doesn't want to talk about it!

    But it's all good at the end of the day

    Thanks for listening

  7. #97

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    I 2nd that! Hang in there Lynny.

    I know other kids can be extremely misbehaved rascalls, which can turn you off kids. But then if you look at their parents, alot of the time it is coz they don't discipline much. My nephew can be a wholly terror & my sis has been trying some of the super nanny techniques & they have been working. I fully believe in disciplining children, a smack can go a long way, but not bashing IYKWIM.

  8. #98

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    Shell I totally agree with looking at the parents, I watched super nanny last night and couldn't believe what I was seeing. I believe children need to be treated to respect everyone/thing. I think some parents forget that step.

  9. #99

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    Yeah I was absolutely shocked at that little girl on the show last night & how much she was allowed to get away with... as usual, super nanny came to the rescue.

  10. #100
    jo gaskin Guest

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    :-({|=

    Hi Everyone,

    In the Monday morning meeting at work, we were all told that another staff member has fallen pregnant. As much as I was happy for her, I felt my head spinning and I wanted to run out of the room.

    I went home that night and couldn't tell my husband that another person had fallen pregnant because I didn't want him to get depressed. Instead I had dinner, had a shower and went to bed. I tried reading 'Natural Fertility' by Francesca Naish and that made me even more depressed. I also started to feel guilty. When I was 23 I had left an abusive relationship and found myself pregnant. I knew in that state that I was that I was not ready to bring up a child as I was fighting my own demons at the time. I just want to add that this is a very hard topic for me to open up about because I know that I may be judged for my actions.

    Anyway I feel much better now. For those who don't already know I am having a laproscopy and hopefully this will be the next step to motherhood.

  11. #101
    Sal Guest

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    Jo, no one will judge you in here. I don't judge any woman who has a termination (I don't see how anyone really can, as we can't stand in the shoes of another person and know what they have been through to come to any decision they make), rather I always just wished that it were me falling pg instead. I think all of us girls in here feel the same way. I really hope your laparoscopy give you answers to your fertility issues and if anything is found that it can be fixed and have you ready to fall pg.

  12. #102

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    Jo it is hard to deal with hearing pregnancy when you don't expect it
    if you frequent ttc forums - you understand you hear BFP but at work that would be a slap in face .

    Jo no one can judge you because at the time you made the decision based on your life at that time. I believe never an easy thing.
    You are brave opening up and it might help you forgive yourself. No one should live with this guilt . An abusive relationship would have been terrible to endure.

    I haven't had to experience this but don't blame yourself or feel guilty - no one can know what might have happened. Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself. You can't change the past but look with hope to future.

    All the very best withyour lap and baby/motherhood quest.

  13. #103

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    Hi Jo,

    Just wanted to share my story with you. I fell pg to my XH when I was only 19yo and we got married against my parents’ wishes. I had my first child, Ariani, the day after I turned 20. When Ariani was 9 mths old, I fell pg by accident. I miscarried and fell pg again the very next month. Shay, my 2nd child, arrived 19 mths after Ariani.

    Only 2 months after Shay was born, I started getting nauseous. I went to see my doctor and found out that despite breastfeeding and never having gotten AF after the birth, I was pg again. We had just moved into a new house, were deeply in debt and my XH was in a low paying job. I knew I couldn’t cope with another child at that stage. Shay would have been only 9 months when this child was born. I went for an abortion.

    2 months later (yes! it was crazy) I was pg again, despite using condoms! Again I knew we couldn’t have another baby so soon and went for an abortion. Right after, I saw my doctor and went on the pill.

    When I fell pg again when Shay was 22 months old after a bout of gastro, I refused to have another abortion. We were poor and still struggling, but while I understood why I couldn’t cope with another child when Shay was 2 months or 4 months, I couldn’t say no to one who would be 2 and a ½ years younger than Shay. So Zaki came along.

    All up, I’ve been pg 6 times in my life.

    Because I’m human, I often look back on those abortions now and wonder if I’ve been given all the chances to be pg that life has got to offer me. I wonder about those babies I left behind and think that maybe I’m being punished for not carrying them when I had the chance, and that's why I can't fall pg now.

    But how could it have been the right thing to have them if it didn’t feel like the right thing at the time? We could barely afford to feed two kids back then, let alone three. I ate rice and eggs for almost a year so that the kids I did have could have some good food. How could I do that if I was pg?

    And why does life have to be so unfair that I could fall pg then at the drop of a hat when I couldn’t afford to have a baby? And can’t seem to now, despite medical intervention, when I am financially comfortable and able to provide the world to a child?

    It isn’t fair, and it just doesn’t make sense. And that’s why you cannot blame yourself for any decision you made when it was the best decision for you at the time.

    love
    sushee

  14. #104

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    Jo, Sush ...



    Nobody will judge you here. I can't imagine how difficult the decision must have been but you made the choice based on the situation at the time and that is the best anyone can do. I've never had an abortion myself but I do understand regret over past decisions and how it can really stuff with your mind.

    Jo - no matter how much you think you're prepared for it, the pg announcement from others is always a shock and hard to deal with. It's perfectly normal for you to feel this way.

    (Jo, just as an aside, I read "Natural Fertility" for a while when I was starting TTC and all it made me feel is guilty and inadequate because I wasn't getting pg despite all the healthy eating, exercising etc. Once I read "Getting Pregnant" by Robert Jansen, I realised I wasn't a freak and I needed medical help. I ended up chucking "Natural Fertility" under the bed and I think it's stayed there ever since.)

  15. #105

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    Hi everyone

    I've just been dealt another blow. My Dad has cancer again!!!

    A bit of history;

    3 years ago, Mum got very aggressive breast cancer, she was 47 at the time, she had a full masectomy and intensive chemo. She beat it and is now doing pretty well.

    A short time later my Gran got cancer and died. Then my Nanna, who I was very close to also got cancer and died. Then my uncle (Mum's little brother) also died of cancer. Bad luck hey!!! Oh, then it was my grandpa who died of cancer also.

    Last year my Dad was diagnosed with lymphoma, he responded well to radiotherapy and they were fairly confident that they got it all. A PET scan earlier this year was clear..........HOORAY!!

    On Friday Dad had a further PET scan, just a routine follow up. THe cancer is back but in a different spot. Dad is 52.

    Sometimes I feel that there is something out there just trying to tear me up inside, it's certainly working.!!!!

    Dad is confident that he'll be ok, but I can't help but think the worst. Why is it always my family, who are the most loving, beautiful people you could meet, that are the one's getting hurt and sick???????????????

    Life's just so cruel sometimes.

    Sorry to whinge.....

    Ali

  16. #106

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    Oh Ali thats just awful! I know there isn't much I can say that can make you feel better, but I just want you to know I am thinking of you, and I hope everything goes well!

    :flower:

    *hugs*
    Cailin

  17. #107

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    Ali
    I am thinking of you too - I understand too well .My Dad has just had stem cell transplant due to leukemia last Wed. - he is still in hospital now you do worry so much for them.
    I hope you Dad has a speedy recovery. It is so unfair.

  18. #108

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    Ali,

    Rotten bad luck you are having. Thinking of you and your family.

    Mel

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