What I hate hearing are all the stories about people who adopted... and then found themselves pregnant 6 months later. As though adoption is a magic cure for infertility.
Well... I've got friends who adopted, and nearly three years later still aren't pregnant - obviously they are doing something wrong!
And then when people start on about how IVF is playing God, is morally wrong, etc, etc... So is it wrong for us to want our own child? Is it wrong for us to freeze embryos so we (hopefully) don't have to do further stim cycles - which cost a heck of a lot more than a FET?
But I have to agree with everyone else - the "just relax, it will happen" line is the single worst thing for making my blood boil!
As though simply relaxing is going to correct the fact that I have 5 times the amount of insulin running around my body as a normal person. Relaxing is going to do what all the drugs, herbs and acupuncture couldn't do and magically make me ovulate. And relaxing is going to fix the fact that DH has a thumping great varicocele cooking his testicles and somehow manage to make him produce sperm that can actually swim as far as the egg... then correct the fact that I have a 7 day luteal phase if by some miracle I can ovulate... yeah, right!
I'm sensitive to you ladies who are trying and not seeing much luck. 4 of our closest friends (2 couples) have been trying for a long time. One pair had a very early miscarriage in December and the other pair as far as we know haven't even gotten as far as a BFP. I love them to bits and I know it sounds stupid, but I actually feel guilty for having a 33 week pregnant tummy sticking out in front of me.
It feels so unnatural to spend an evening with them and not talk about babies and pregnancy and I have to be careful to not fondly rub my tummy for fear of how they might feel.
DF has the same issue with a work collegue who after 8 years of TTC is going into adoption.
Perhaps it's not really helpfu to you ladies who are trying so hard but just so you know, there are a lot of us out there who don't take our good fortune for granted and really do try to be quietly supportive.
Sending you ample sprinklings of baby-dust.........
As there are equally ignorant and annoying things people say when you ARE pregnant ("what cravings have you had?" "a craving to be rid of your company"), or even when the child arrives ("is he good?" "No, he's awful, where's the receipt?"), I am rolling my eyes with you, and clenching my fists on your behalves!
However, I would like to know what you would like to hear, that does not involve denying the existence of my own child and pretending he's not there. I'm not really the type of person to patronise someone, especially to the extent of just pretending there isn't an issue, so what is a tactful acknowledgment of your situations, without saying something dumb?
Also, next time someone asks something dumb of Oscar and I feel myself bristling...I'll take a chill pill and think of you guys who put up with far more ignorance!
You simply need to acknowledge that it is hard for us. Offer sympathy when it seems to be needed and understand that there are some times when going out where there are going to be pregnant women and babies is sometimes just too much for us. Don't take it personally when that happens.
And most importantly - NEVER try the line "I understand how you feel because it took us 6 months to conceive". Yes, it is difficult any time you are TTC and a cycle is unsuccessful, but there's no way in the world 3 months, 6 months, etc can correspond to a year or more, and add the knowledge that there are issues, which make natural conception utterly impossible for some of us. There's no understanding what it is like unless you have lived through it yourself. I know friends who say things like that are very well-meaning... but there's just no comparison. I look back to the first few months when we were TTC, and it was disappointing to see a cycle fail (and hear of other successes) at the time, but it's nothing like the complete heart-rending agony that I experience now.
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