Keike- Caiden is a nice name I think. i feel for you with Professor having aspergers, my DH doesn't have it but being an engineer has a few elements all the same, its hard. I hope your dream comes true soon xx
Maruschke- thats shocking that your family is so unsupportive, lucky you have us!! My sisters are counsellors/ social workers so they can be too much sometimes, but it must be difficult to have no support. Hopefully you can have twins this round and say goodbye to ttc forever! xx
tellytubby- sorry you feel invisible very normal to be scared to ttc again, unfortuantely thats the only way to get utd again lol, praying your next is a sticky bub xx
Joeve-my Dh wants more than 1 (not sure how many) but the realistic view is we will be lucky to get one so we will see how that goes first!! I'm sure your DH will change his mind when he falls in love with your future bubby xx
Hi Pakrakmg xx
I'm really struggling with dh at the moment, I just keep thinking back to my last pregnancy, we never fought at all, dh and I were so happy and optimistic,I know it wouldn't have lasted but now all we do is fight, DH is stressed about potentially losing his job and I am in a tww (FET)that I think isn't going to work. We both can't get past our own pain to be comfort to each other. I keep thinking if I had never had my first miscarriage our relationship would be so different- no infertility, no multiple miscarriages, urggh sorry to offload to everyone....
Oh saffy sweetie I am sorry you are feeling that way, fingers crossed this month works for you and things get better.
Yes my DH loves kids so I think the more the merrier we just should have started ttc 5 years earlier
Signing in here too. Nice to have a place to be able to come and ramble away, without feeling the need the make a new thread every time.
I've got my two gorgeous kidlets and we had #3 on the way, who sadly left us to go to a better place (that's what I'm telling myself ) about three weeks ago. Big shock for me, totally unexpected (I know loss is never "expected" but I hope you all get what I mean) and has taken me some time to process and work out how to grieve.
Saffy, I'm so sorry you're going through a rough patch with DH and work and things. Offload all you want.
M, I hope I can be a support for you in the next few weeks as you've been for me. Very exciting about the scan tomorrow. I'm thinking of you hun!
Joeve, I hope you can work out what's holding you back and start to move forward with TTC.
telly - you're not invisible I see you round lots! Sorry that I'm now here and see you here too... but it is what it is I guess. The new year isn't far away at all.
Pac - hi gorgeous, hope you're well, here if you need to talk Will happily bring DD and DS around to play again if you need to offload or anything. Just shout. Or whisper I'll be there.
Keike - sounds like you are on a good health and fitness path. I love the name Caiden... I thought of you the other day, I read a thread of yours a while ago where you talked about deciding to name your babies... I realised I needed to do the same thing, I was struggling to imagine this little child in heaven playing with God and I couldn't do it without giving him/her a name. So thank you, for helping me, even if you didn't realise you did. Now when I think of them, I use their name and it feels so much better.
Not much going on with me. Good times and bad, good days and bad. A bit sad Friday, better Saturday and today. Had book club Friday night and a friend was there who I reckon is about what I would have been... that's the third person I know who is due around when I should have been. One knows about the mc, two don't. I felt like a complete cow because I didn't ask anything about her pregnancy... I just couldn't. Normally I'd be asking about EDDs, how they are feeling, appointments, scans, hospitals, anything... I just couldn't.
I feel terrible but have to think that she probably didn't even notice. Right?
I think AF is going to be back in a week or so... and then I have to decide if we are going to TTC again.
On the computer, so its now much easier to read back. Thank you for recognising me everyone... ha! I know that sounds ridiculous, but its nice to know I'm not invisible. Really nice..
Ocean - I'm sorry to see you in here too.. It's not fair, is it? Hope your body is settling down after the loss. Did you need a d&c? Either way its a horrible experience.. We are all here to listen to your ramblings. Yes, it is nice to express our emotions in a safe area, without having to begin a new thread. The whole "friends due around your due date" thing is a tough one. I'm sure all of the ladies have this.. me included. I am the same.. I can't ask questions, I try. I really do try. But it breaks my heart, so I rather not mention it. I am slowly losing a very close friend, because my heart just won't heal right...
Hey Saffy - Sorry to hear you guys are having a stressful time. I hope you find a middle and can begin to support one another again. A miscarriage not only breaks your heart, it does take your optimism.. Every pregnancy then after is nothing but stress. Don't apologies for off loading, we're all here to listen. Hope you get your BFP this month
Keike - I need to work on my fitness too. *sigh* The never ending battle with my weight! Hopefully you can give me some inspiration. As I read your post I was eating vanilla icecream in a cone... hahaha. That would be tough, with hubby having aspergers.. I would love to hear one day of your surprise, sticky bfp - as I"m sure a lot of BB members would.
Joeve - Praying you'll get your very first sticky babe 1 sounds like a great start, hehe.
Freya are you still around? You'll be my TTC buddy soon. Bet you're chomping at the bit, anticipating your hubby's arrival, lol
We're down to just weeks to go. Unfortunately AF has been a complete biatch and cant find herself a regular cycle. Last month she came on the 23rd about 7 days late and this cycle she can on the 17th which would be a few days early if I keep with the 30-32day cycles. DH will be heartbroken if she ruins our reunion
Ive been going from chomping at the bit to TTC to being freakin terrified and not wanting to TTC. Its a tiring thought having to go through the terror of waiting out the first 20wks and doing the clexane injections. We've decided we are not telling anyone when we get a BFP until we've had the 18wk scan. Ive got a bit of extra padding since having Ds3 do I think I could hide it for that long (I tend to turn into the size of a house as soon as I get pregnant!)
I don't exactly know where to post this, so I figured this was a pretty good start. I am currently going through a miscarrage, my second one, which is no easier than the first and a lot harder being the 2nd, especially after already having a perfect DD to look at and dream and wish and think about her brother/sister that I am losing.
DH and I chose to try and go naturally, my Ob has given me 6weeks in total to pass my baby, I have a check up with him in 1 1/2wks to make sure everything is progressing okay.
I go to work 5 days a week, I work with children, suprisingly it helps, but no one knows what I am going through at work, and the handfull that do have never expereicned what I am going through, I look around at the people at work and go if only you knew what I was going through right at this second.
Last Friday I crippled over in pain, kinda forgot how painful physically it is to lose a baby, and they just looked at me, and said, oh are you okay, did you trip? I smiled and said of just a little sore tummy, and smiled and continued on my way.
My DH is keeping busy and grieving in his own way, we look after our DD feed her bath her put her to bed, I go to my parents house and they see me in pain, they wish they could help, the hug me and kiss me and tell me they are there for me, which really does help.
But how do I continue to go on now that things are starting to progress even more **TMI COMING UP SORRY** last week I was cramping and had spotting, now I am bright red bleeding and started to clot, which sadly I know what is coming... how do i continue to work, to breath and love my daughter and husband, which I do so very very much, while I am right in the middle of losing my baby, a baby who we love and wanted?? How do I get up everyone morning and just be??
I am coping better this time emotionally then last I think, last time I was a wreck I didn't go to work for the week it took to pass the baby, but this time I can't I have another child who is living who needs me to work ( I work where she goes) I cant fall apart because I have her... I fall apart at home once she's asleep, I stay strong at work becuase I dont want people to know, I dont feel they need to know, or perhaps I dont think they will understand what I am goin through.
Can anyone give me ideas on how to just take one day at a time? Or is it simply I wake up and do my best until it is all over?
Really sorry if this isn't the place to ask, I just needed to say that to people who understand what I am going through, yet again...
I basically woke up and approached every day as it came at me... for the first few weeks anyway. I didn't plan much beyond a few catch ups with friends that I knew would give me what I needed at the time and I took it very easy on myself. One day I wandered around the shops for a few hours just looking at things and being alone (surrounded by people!).
I found being around kids helped a bit too... just not my own kids They seemed really strung out and able to push my buttons at the drop of a hat so I stepped away from them a bit til I sorted myself out. Now, they are being super cute and that is really helping too. I'm glad being at work is helping you!
I can't help with how long it'll take to pass your darling baby naturally... but I know the hollow grief you are feeling, all too well. I know how it feels to love and lose a little one that you conceived of in mind, body and spirit. Your baby was loved, wanted, adored, and you need to grieve that.
I really hope the physical pain begins to ease over the next few days and you can start processing and dealing with the emotional pain.
Hi everyone. I wished I would never, ever have to post here again, but I am back because you precious ladies have supported me so much when Ive really needed it.
I had to go to hospital on Saturday night because I had cramping and uncontrollable vomiting. When there was no food left to vomit, I brought up copious amounts of blood. I was put on the drip and given pain killers for the cramps. I had to wait until this morning for the D&C, but they controlled the vomiting and pain well in the meantime. I got home not long ago.
I can't believe my baby has gone. The shock hasn't worn off yet, I don't know when it will. I don't let myself cry too much because when I do I get hysterical and physically, it hurts like hell. I have to be realistic and know there is a good chance I will never have another baby. I will try again, but who's to say it will work? They tried everything this time and I still lost my baby. I get sooooo sick during pg, I lose so much weight that its not healthy. Im down to just 50kgs which is very low for my height. Sorry for the me post, but I am so devastated I cant function properly. I look at my boys and wonder how on earth they survived. I am grateful for every second they have been alive, I don't think I could cope if I didn't have them. I know Im taking this so much harder because there is only a very slight chance I will be a mummy again, and for that its taken my grief to a whole new level.
Hope - Im so sorry you are going through this for the second time. My body has never given me the honour of allowing my baby to pass naturally, so I do not know how to help you there. You don't have to pretend everything is ok and normal because lets face it, you've lost a much loved and wanted baby. Take all the time you need to grieve it. You will feel normal again, but not straight away. I think its a process you have to go through to get better. Im sorry again for your loss. No one ever deserves to be here.
im popping in here with you all, some of you know me......
the short story is i have fertility issues, pcos etc and i had 2 children without a (miscarriage) problem and since then have suffered 4 miscarriages and a chemical pregnancy last week
im currently on a clomid cycle but i think im almost ready to throw in the towel and admit defeat
after my 3rd m/c i had a falling out with my mum over her lack of compassion and she influenced the rest of the family and they have all turned their backs on me, we don't see dh family either so we have had a lot of loss this past 2 years
2 weeks ago i went out for lunch with a friend for her birthday and some of her friends, i was really looking forward to going but it turned into a nightmare for me, the conversation touched on all my sensitive subjects (my problem i know not theirs), they didn't know my history but it just made me so sad to hear about all the pregnancies around and how wonderful they all got on with their families etc one of the girls who has 3 children casually said she will have another one soon and i just wanted to yell at her REALLY you think it is that easy !! i wanted one more and have had 4 losses !!!! its hard because they don't know but then i don't think its appropriate to announce my losses at lunch, which brings me to why im here with you all, you girls understand what it is like unfortunately
diamond girl: im so sorry you are here, it is so so unfair and i know it is hard to pick yourself up and risk trying again, im going through that myself. you must be in such shock
oceanprincess: for you too hun, it is still early days for you too
hopepositivelove: for you also, sorry to hear you are currently going through another miscarriage, it is so hard to deal with day to day life when going through that
tellytubby: you aren't invisible, i appreciated your words to me when i was going through my 4th loss
saffy: sorry you are struggling at the moment and there is stress with you and dh, infertility and treatment is so stressful but throw in miscarriage on top of that and its no wonder things are difficult
joeve: isn't it awful to have regrets that you didn't start trying for a baby sooner, i hope you get that baby soon
DG - I'm so sorry hun. Been thinking of you over these past few days, how unfair it is.
HPL - I guess it just is one foot in front of the other. For me, my natural mc started to get easier once I realised the worst was over. I just "knew". I was 6w2d. It was after that point that I let myself cry and get angry at the unfairness of it. I had a fight with my brother in the middle of that. He told me that his wife hadn't responded to something because she had a cold. I went postal. I had to function going through what I was, why couldn't everyone else. It wasn't good, I felt pretty bad afterwards. He didn't deserve my reaction even though I was annoyed at the situation. I just wanted to yell. Hardly anyone knew I was pg then, and when I mc, I didn't know if it was a good thing that so few knew as I had little support. But I didn't want the pity that goes with it either. I hope you're okay sweet.
Freya - I'm excited for you! Aaaaarrggghhh!!!! So close! Hope AF stays away for your reunion and everything works out perfect.
Telly - I went to a meet up the other day and was so sure that if I introduced myself, people would say "Who?" Just reading your post on healthy eating, it's so hard sometimes! My biggest time for weakness is at night. I've started juicing oranges and freezing them in icypole cylinders and they are sensational! All fruit, sweet and healthy! Helping those late night munchies! Hope you're going okay.
OP - You're as nice in person as you are online! Hope you're travelling okay, and thank you for the offer of a chat. Same goes to you, anytime. You know where to find me I wouldn't worry too much about your friend at bookclub. I wouldn't have ever noticed if someone didn't ask me about my pregnancy with DD.
Joeve - Hoping you get a nice BFP for Christmas
Saffy - How are you and DH going? The stress gets enormous sometimes. Hope you're both okay
Keike - How're you doing hun? I think you're right about our men. DH tries to be so strong for me, that he forgets he too has to grieve, that it's okay for him to feel sad too.
Maruschke - Loving the new avvy! How are you going?
Snap! MinnieMouse - Sorry, I was writing when you posted. Families hey? Hope you're okay. Sometimes you just feel like screaming.
I had my first mc at 12weeks in 2005 then a ruptured ectopic at 9weeks last year. I hear your pain with every word you type. I am so sorry you are all hurting.
I just wanted you all to know that there are people reading and ready to support you all. Sometimes you don't need answers or solutions you just need an ear.
MM - Im so sorry for all your losses. Your kids are the same ages as mine too. I wish you hadn't had to go through so much pain and loss, and your post makes me realise that sadly Im not alone. It seems to be so easy for everyone else to just choose to have a baby and then have one, but we have to suffer so much. I hope you don't give up and I pray you get a sticky BFP. If you did, you would also give me a much needed a glimmer of hope.
I just want to surround you ladies with lots of love and support and comfort.
DG I am so sorry I can't begin to imagine how much you are hurting right now
Pak - I am OK because right now I have hope (mid treatment) but if this doesn't work I think it will be like a house of cards coming down). How are you? How do you feel about TTC?
Minnie - that would have been so so so painful I hate those kind of conversations. It is like a slap in the face how naive (well that might be the wrong word, but the gloss has not been taken off their experience of ttc/pregnancy/parenting, and the gloss has gone from us) they are. I wish I could be like that... innocent. Sending you all the loving support I can muster.
OP you know I am praying for you hun.
HPL you must also be in so much pain. Please know you have plenty of support here. It is terrible to go through and I hope you never have to endure this again.
M, there is a lot of hurt in this thread, I agree... but so much support and understanding too.
DG, I'm so sorry you're back here again.
Minniemouse, hello, thank you for your lovely words. We are here with you through your cycle and whatever happens after.
I know what you mean about random comments - I met someone the other day who was only 9wks pg and I said to her when she left "All the best with the next few weeks, hope the 12 week scan goes well" and she said "Oh yeah it'll be fine nothing to worry about" - I wanted to shake her and say "YOU DON'T KNOW THAT!!!!!!!!!!! IT MIGHT NOT BE OK!!!!!"
But I couldn't. Of course. Why on earth would I want to introduce anyone to this world of pain? All the joy in the world to her if she does get through without experiencing this. All the joy to her.
Oh DG I just dont know what to say. Nothing will really offer you much comfort. I can think of a few choice four letter words.
All I can say is, you survive. In what condition I cant tell you because it varies from person to person. But your heart will always be missing peices. You just keep going because in the end their is no other option when you have precious little people to care for.
Hope - It's so surreal isn't it, to be outwardly getting on with the mundane daily tasks, all the while knowing your beautiful baby is slipping away? I have had 4 natural mc's and one d&c, but I couldn't tell you which one is easier. With the d&c it was nice to finally stop bleeding and know that it was physically behind me, but to go from being 'full' to empty within a few hours is devastating. And then of course, feeling it all happen, being confronted with it every time to you go to the loo, is devastating as well.
I don't have any advice about going on with life. It's hard. Then after a little while you realise you've gone a few minutes or an hour or two without thinking about it. Then you'll start smiling and laughing without feeling guilty. The heart wounds start to scar over - still there, but not open and raw anymore.
I'm so sorry
Diamond Girl - I don't know what to say, except sending . What an awful ordeal, I'm so sorry.
Minniemouse - I know what it's like to sit there in a group and wonder why they can't hear your mind screaming, I'm sorry you went through that My last mc happened a few days before we stayed a a friends place for the weekend. I was still feeling very fragile, but we went anyway as a distraction. As soon as we walked in, one of my girlfriends came up to me and announced that she was pregnant. Not just pregnant, but we were 4 days apart Professor and I ended up staying at a little chalet a few streets away, didn't stay for the housewarming party, pretty much just up and left. I swear my mind snapped when she told me, I just couldn't believe it. She ended up losing her bub as well, a few weeks later, and I felt so awful because of the things I'd thought about her and her baby. It's made us better friends though, so something good came from all the crappiness I guess
AFM, I'm just my normal anxious self today. Work finishes at the end of the month, and while that'll open up a whole new can of worms financially, it'll also be good to not be telling myself off for not going to work. I was supposed to go in today but Professor didn't wake me up in time, and I had a bit of a panic attack about it last night anyway. It certainly takes my mind off of mc's.
Telly - I downloaded an app called MyFitnessPal, which is a food and exercise diary, so you can track your calories and food breakdowns. I've found it AWESOME! Especially with the PCOS, I thought I was eating pretty well, but I've actually found that while I may be eating healthy, I'm having too many carbs and not enough protein, which is not a good breakdown for PCOS symptoms. There's a website for it as well if you don't have an iPhone; I would highly recommend it, as it's good to learn about your food breakdowns, and it's also stopped me from having some junk food coz I don't wanna admit to it when it comes to filling out my diary!
GGRRRRRR - I just wrote such a long and emotional post - replying to you all and thanking you for all the kind words and its GONE - just GONE!!!
I will re-type te long post but wanted to let everyone know that i sadly passed our baby last night at 5.45pm- it was a beautful moment as a family of 4 as my Dh wanted to see 'his little boy' - we said our hello and and goodbye - i was 10wks 4 days however our baby died at 8wks 3days - it was a lot larger than our first loss and we were able to see a lot more this time... it was a very surreal feeling - it was our closing - for a moment we were a family of 4 - we are going to keep him and bury him under a very special plant - we want to research and find plant that means rebirth or free spirit... soemthing meaningful..
I will repost again soon .... thank you every one again fo ryou supprot
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xx
very normal to be scared to ttc again, unfortuantely thats the only way to get utd again lol, praying your next is a sticky bub xx
I'll be there.
I wouldn't worry too much about your friend at bookclub. I wouldn't have ever noticed if someone didn't ask me about my pregnancy with DD.
I can't begin to imagine how much you are hurting right now
from me too xx
Professor and I ended up staying at a little chalet a few streets away, didn't stay for the housewarming party, pretty much just up and left. I swear my mind snapped when she told me, I just couldn't believe it. She ended up losing her bub as well, a few weeks later, and I felt so awful because of the things I'd thought about her and her baby. It's made us better friends though, so something good came from all the crappiness I guess
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