I don't believe for a second that everything happens for a reason. I think that's just something some people who haven't lost a bub say when they really don't know what to say. I don't believe we would fall pregnant for the purpose of losing it. I think it's just a horribly unfair occurrence that happens for alot of us. When you think about how amazing the miracle of life really is, you can understand why things go wrong. So much has to go right for a baby to be born healthy and I guess it makes you realise how easily things can go wrong. I don't believe m/c happens because the baby is not meant to be. How can a baby dying happen for a reason. I believe every pregnancy that happens, happens with the intention of birth it just doesn't always work out I really really hate it when ppl say that it wasn't meant to be or that everything happens for a reason. It hurts alot! I do believe however that we can bring about good things from these sad situations. These occurrences can change us for the better or worse. I believe because of my experiences I feel more blessed to have my baby girl, I am more patient with her and I take pleasure in the tiniest of things more than maybe I would have had I perhaps never had a m/c.
Bad things don't just happen to good people for a reason. It's up there with "just relax and it will happen" while TTC.
You just want to punch them in the face!!
i used to think everything happened for a reason. then Jack died,now i dont, i dont care what anyone says, there is absolutely no justifiable reason for anyone to loose a child. im so sorry that people are so insensitive
These posts make me terribly sad. I used to think things happened for a reason but I can't now, after 5 losses - it makes no sense to me. I feel exactly the same as you, Babyluv and others. I do understand what Nae is saying to a degree, but more that it defines you as a person/mother and that you can understand and be supportive to others. I don't think I'll ever understand why I have had to endure 5 losses and countless years of ttc # 2
I used to have something along those lines in my siggie. "Everything happens for a reason" does my head in. No, everything doesn't happen for a reason. Anyone who thinks so can explain those reasons to me.
People don't feel comfortable with choas and uncertainty. It makes them feel better to think that there's some overall plan or reason for things. I can understand that. It would be easier for someone to blame or to know that if I suffer X, I will be rewarded with Y. IMO, that's why religion was invented (I am not going to debate religion at all - that is my opinion only).
Bad things happen to good people all over the world, all the time. Life is choatic. I don't believe there is a reason for anything at all except that life creates life and that death is part of the lifecycle. My babies didn't die so I can become a bloody saint. They didnt die so I can become bitter and twisted and resentful either. They just died. How I deal with that is up to me. A living child is not going to 'fix' anything except for the fact I don't have a living child. That's all.
There is no fix or reason for your babies dying. That doesn't mean their lives had no meaning though. In their short lives and after, they have affected so many people.
As for the happy ending stories. They sell. No one wants to buy the magazine or book that tells the story of the grieving parents who lost a baby or two, and were never able to have living children but just got on with their lives, trying to live with the pain. People want to buy the story about family who 'moved on' and had a living child and everyone lived happily ever after. That's just human nature. People want to hope and nothing respresents hope like a new baby. It's just that most people don't understand that getting on with your life, new baby or not, does not mean leaving your angel babies behind. They are with us always.
I'm so sorry. You're right. There is no reason for your sons to be taken from you. When I hear of mc or any kind of babyloss my response is always the same. "I'm so sorry. Nature is cruel." It isn't much but I think it's kinder than empty pleasantries.
You are taking this baby home. I hope your baby can ease some of your pain and fill your heart and your life with joy, where there's only been sadness for so long.
Blessed, when I lost Joshua, the only thing that got me through the pain of losing him was to believe and accept that it did happen for a reason, that's how I got my peace and closure. I think if I didn't believe this, I would have lost the plot. I believe that wherever he is, I will be there with him one day and that makes me happy. I don't believe he is gone forever. I guess people have their own beliefs, and it doesn't necessarily mean that they don't understand pain (especially pain of losing a child) it just means that that's what they belive and hope that it will too bring peace to the other person. I agree that it's better to say 'sorry about your loss' in case you are one of those people who don't believe that things happen for a reason.
I really really hate it when ppl say that it wasn't meant to be or that everything happens for a reason. It hurts alot! I do believe however that we can bring about good things from these sad situations. These occurrences can change us for the better or worse. I believe because of my experiences I feel more blessed to have my baby girl, I am more patient with her and I take pleasure in the tiniest of things more than maybe I would have had I perhaps never had a m/c.
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