I've ordered a copy of PET and am hoping to read it while I'm on maternity leave, because I find that the concepts behind it really resonate with me and DH and how we want to go about raising our children.

But Mayaness, I was hoping you could expand a bit more on the punishment/reward side of things and how that applies to the concept of positive reinforcement. Personally, I don't use 'punishments' as such, but I do wonder if the positive reinforcement techniques that we use would be considered reward.

For example, DS is going through (and coming out the other side I think) a stage of hitting and pushing other children. When he has hit/pushed another child I pick him up and explain that why we don't hit and use key words such as 'kind' and 'safe', and also if I can see what's caused the situation how he could deal with it differently next time. But I do also say that if he does it again, we will need to leave right away because the other children need to be safe. Does this fall in the realms of punishment?

When I see DS sharing, or helping another child I also try and acknowledge it and reinforce the behaviour by saying along the lines of 'that was very kind of you...' Or if he wipes up a spill he's made with or without me asking him to, I'll say something along the lines of 'thankyou, I really like it when you help mummy clean up, it's very kind of you'.

I guess, I'm just wondering how far the concept of reward/punishment extends. I had always thought of it as 'if you do this, you will get this' type of thing, but does it go deeper?

TIA