Help! How do I tell my boyfriend I'm pregnant

[Ryatha]

I really needed to just tell someone else, and I'm glad I came across this forum. I am a person that hates confrontation and keep bottled, but I know that I can't do that in this situation, but I know thats why I'm scared of actually having to tell him...arrggh life sure does throw its curve balls!!

Thats the great thing about BB - I come on here, vent away and always feel so much better. Everyone is so supportive

[Jes13]

Basically, he told me to sort it out quickly and demanded that either I have an abortion or do it by myself! He said he was not going to have a kid with me...not yet and that I was trying to stich him and that I must have been careless...When I told him I didn't know if I could have another abortion, he said that was not what he wanted to hear and that I needed to make a decision cause he didn't want to be left wondering what I was going to do! He then went out for the next few hours and we barely spoke when he got home...He didn't say one word to me this morning when I dropped him off at the train station! I'm so confused....I just want this whole situation to go away! I can't make this decision. On the one hand, I know he is not ready and this is not what we wanted right now, we are just about to go on holiday and were considering moving up north for a year or so...On the other, I just don't know if I could live with myself, I have spent the last 2 years trying to get my head around the first abortion and I just think another would send me over the edge, and yet I question whether I'm ready for a child! Part of me feels as though he's making me suffer for his guilt over his other children, yet I know he hurts every day because of it! I don't want to have to do this on my own, I mean who does really!?! I would need to find somewhere to live and give up my job for at least a while, leaving me with no income! I always imagined me spending the rest of my life with this guy and having a kid eventually...I just want his support "no matter" what decision I make! Its not fair of him to demand from me, he is not the one that has to live with it!

[CharlieBrownGirl]

Sorry he is making you choose, both options are very difficult.
Take care and do what is best for you

[Peach*]

That is not fair for your partner to be making you feel so rubbish. I think you have to do what is best for you, it sounds like you have been very understanding of his trouble with his other children but you have your life to think about too...

[~clover~]

It is totally up to you. You could give him time to process it, then say (if thats your decision) that you are having the baby, you want his support, but if he won't give it, you can live without it.
Have you got family & friends close by? If you do there is no reason you can't do this if he chooses not to support you.
Towards the end, yes you would need to stop working, but after baby is born centrelink can help. A close friend of mine went through her pregnancy & birth with no partner. It can be done.
Either way good luck & we are here if you need to talk. Hopefully after the shock wears off he won't be so hurt & maybe be more accepting.

[Jes13]

my mother is very religous and brought me up to be against abortion...she doesn't even know I was pregnant the first time and would never even think of me considering an abortion...none of my family would...My mother always wanted me to be married and have children that way...premarital sex upset her enough, even though she has finally begun to except that we have been together so long, she still tells me her concerns that she wants him to commit to me! Though I tell her he has, but we have been going slowly. When we first got together, she was concerned about his "baggage" and even said, what if you get pregnant and he leaves you! He was so adamant that he wanted me to terminate it, I didn't even get the chance to tell him how I felt and he was not in the mood to listen! I feel so alone...

[Madissun]

You're not alone honey

[Evie76]

Jes you are not alone. It's extemely unfair for him to force a decision upon you. It sounds as though he hasn't even bothered to find out if you want a baby. You're not a teenager either, for goodness sakes.

I can only imagine the decision to have an abortion is extremely difficult. I personally couldn't do it unless the circumstances were extenuating - not because I'm not against it - just because it would be a very difficult thing to do. I would have been a single mother before being given an ultimatum.

My DH took both announcements of pg pretty hard because he's a "financial worrier", but he loves his sons and would never give them up. Why you should compromise on having a baby doesn't seem fair to me.

[BrightSparkles]

Oh hun. I'm so sorry things have turned out like this for you. It's definatly not fair of him to treat you like this, however I can imagine he would have been shocked at the news. Unfortunatly no one else can make this decsion for you. Have you got family around that you can talk to about whats happening? I think you need to sit down and think about what you want. It would be a hard decision for anyone to make - especially on thier own.
Did you explain to him how you felt about the situation? What was his reaction? Maybe he needed some time to process this and what he said what a quick reaction, without thinking?

Sending you lots of we are here if you want to talk/vent etc.

[starangelk]

Jes - you poor thing. Sending you a massive internet hug. What should be a happy occassion is being overridden by all of these other factors. I am so sorry your boyfriend reacted badly, perhaps giving him a day to let it sink in and then approaching the issue with him again is a good idea. However, I think you might run the risk of sitting him down and him expecting you to have made a decision either way. Can I suggest you go and get some counselling? It really sounds like you don't want to have an abortion and if the financial and practical side of things are the main reason why you are feeling you don't have alot of options, talking to someone else about it will probably help. Also, ring Centrelink and find out what benefits you would receive. I am not trying to sway you either way, I am just trying to say - make an informed decision and the best decision for YOU. The other thing I would say to your boyfriend is that if you do decide to go ahead and have this baby, he has said that he won't be involved. He regrets not fighting for his other children and being in their lives but this time he is CHOOSING not to be involved. Why is he making the same mistake again? I really hope you can get this sorted out hun.