Anyone gone off sex?

[krisp]

I've tried talking to him, I've tried to get to understand that it's not that I don't love him I just need some space. Plus I've got some serious body issues I need to sort out. I breast fed both my cherubs from one side due to breast cancer and now I have very very different breasts. One is a completely different shape and size and I feel like a bit of a freak so I hate him to see me naked. I'm sorry to unload all this but I haven't talked about it before so it's kinda all gushing out...

[briggsy's girl]

krisp - maybe you need to seek counselling for you in regard to the body issues - not sure if you've done it before, but i get the feeling that you unloading in here is the first time you've "fessed up" what you're feeling. it's not great to have body issues (i'm a big person, and i have some serious body issues - hate anyone seeing me in anything LESS than full attire - even DH most of the time) - i have had counselling about a lot of other stuff, and we dealt with this as well

as my DH is always saying to me - he's not attracted to a particular part of me - he's attracted to ME as a whole - personality is what started it (i swore at him first time i met him!) and my body is simply a part of me - he finds the whole package attractive - your DH is probably very much the same, and doesn't have any hang ups about your body - but because you do, it makes sense that it is impacting your relationship.

i really hope you can find a way to work around this and maybe come to some sort of "happy medium" where both of you are happy - it would be horrible for a relationship to breakdown over lack of intimacy if that is the only issue you have kwim?

[skybie]

i havent been intersted in sex since the birth of our daughter 2 and a half years ago! i feel bad but there's nothing i can do, i eat well i excersize and still dnt feel the need!
this isnt a good thing when ur trying to have another one but what do i do?
DF carry's on about it a fair bit but he still gets sex atleast once a week even if i dont feel like it. so ur not alone

[Dansta]

i'll admit i've gone off sex. and DH gets freaked out when we do DTD and blip moves around, as he can see it/feel it.

I've talked to him about it and explained i dont really feel 'sexy' right now. and that its MY issue, i love him for who he is (he has some body issues too) and i always tell him that if he needs a "helping hand" i'll offer it. DH has also worked out that cuddles are better then sex for me, and after he's 'finished' we cuddle, just as we would post DTD, plus he's not freaked out when we do cuddle feeling blip move.

i think i stoped wanting sex around 26weeks and wanted it again around 32weeks...but getting 'bigger' made it harder for my fav DTD possie

I agree with the other posters and i'd suggest talking to your DH, see if you can reach some kind of middle ground with him, where he's happy and so are you, you both need to be happy for your kids to be happy. i think it may also help if he understands where YOUR comming from (EI the brest feeding) and i guess you need to understand he wants to be intermate with his mate, becuase after all DTD is about making babies...

I hope it works out...if you want to talk PM me...i may not understand but im happy to listen

[Miss E]

I can't tell you how relieved I am to have come across this thread and know that it's not just me. Since I got pregnant I have next to no interest in sex (except for the occasional saucy dream, but I can't convert that to my waking hours ).

I've had sciatica from very early on, which has been a real physical deterrent, but even when it isn't acting up I have very little desire. My poor DH is so understanding, but I can't help but feel guilty... I try and make the effort once a week or so and if I really can't I will try and help in out with my hand. But, when we do DTD I find that it is quite uncomfortable initially and just doesn't feel the way it used to. Don't get me wrong I still end up coming and stuff, but it is just not the same... I really hope this changes after the baby comes

[Hoody]

Krisp- Just wanted to let you know you are NOT alone i could have written yours post back in October. My marriage got so bad because of the same issues that DH even went as far as to tell me he didnt think he loved me anymore as i all i ever gave him was rejection. He felt like i treated him like a brother not a husband etc and all we had in common were the children etc. TBH i dont know how to fix these issues but since our big blow up/s I know i have been trying as has he. I told him things that would make me "want" to do it more such as more help around the house, more "me" time for going to the gym, having my hair done, more help around the house etc etc. Although i didnt feel like i had a problem i was just not interested iykwim looking back i think i just need some attention in a different way if that makes sense. Even if the attention was from my self i needed to take some time out to figure out who I was again. We have children virtually the same ages so i know how demanding it can be and its so hard to lose yourself amongst all the mothering and housekeeping. For me i still i have a low sex drive BUT by taking time to put me first every now and then and having DH helping me with day to day things i can certainly say things are on the up. One of my biggest probs b4 was that i felt DH only wanted me for sex sounds silly but like you say every cuddle, kiss or anything remotely close to intimate caused for his hands to wander and me to reject when realisticly i wanted the cuddle the kiss etc just not the expectation that sex must follow.

SOrry if i have rambled a bit but feel free to PM me if you want some one to chat with. It sounds like we have a bit in common
Hoody

[Toomanytoomany]

Just wondering if anyone else has totally gone off sex & being intimate with DH/DP?
We haven't been intimate since mid december, and even then it was a huge struggle for me. It's really statrting to cause alot of tension and problems between us.
I couldn't care less if we don't have sex or be intimate for another 6months.
Anyone else feeling the same? How do I deal with it?
Thanks,

I'm sorry it's causing so much tension I'll preface this by saying that I'm pretty opinionated about this

The problem isn't, imo, that you don't wish to be intimate... it's that your dh can't accept it. It's okay to go through phases of not wanting sex, whether it's the man or the woman who goes off it. And pregnancy, when your body is acting weird and you're tired and your hormones are all different, it's a perfectly natural thing to go off it. It's just a few months of frustration and there are other ways of expressing intimacy and physical closeness ... and he's presumably got two good hands

You can help your dh come to terms with it, perhaps by finding other ways of showing that you love him and find him attractive, and then using alternate methods of giving him some satisfaction. But he's a big boy, he's not going to die from lack of sex. If he can't come to terms with this, I strongly, strongly recommend some couples counselling. The issue of libido doesn't generally go away with the birth, babies have a way of getting in the way for quite some time.

No-one should ever be made to feel bad because they don't wish to have sex. And really, would he *really* want you to do it just to please him? Could he really enjoy it knowing that you didn't really want to and it was just about pleasing him? That'd be the question I'd ask him.

[BeautifulMadness]

lately yes and ive started to get bigger and its more uncomfy. My DH can be a typical male and thinks with the wrong brain on the odd occasion but usually he is very understanding and thoughtful.

Sometimes i dont wanna cuddle cause i know he will be thinking and trying to get it to lead to something more which puts me off even more. im up @ 7.30am i have to try and entertain a 2 yr old stubborn boy with too much energy., i cook,clean and also in the process of packing up to move. my Dh knows by now not to even argue with me about it
sometimes males just dont get it.

[angelaartsstudent]

I havent gone off sex as such...I want sex but my entire body has lost all sense of feeling anything except pain and discomfort when hubby touches me in any way...so that has been a total and utter turn off.

[Kailani]

Doula Mumma I am also feeling the same. I'm 7 1/2 months pregnant and DP and I have dtd 3 times during the pregnancy. I just couldn't think of anything worse to do at the moment! To make it worse, the times we have dtd, it hurt so now even when I'm feeling guilty and that maybe we'll do it just as a treat for him, I get anxious of the pain so I don't go there! Even prior to being pregnant, I was very uninterested and it was more for him than anything. I'm very much like you when you mention that you couldn't care less if you didn't have sex for another 6 months! DP has cottoned on to my feelings and he is very understanding and does not pressure me at all - in fact he doesn't even bring it up. We still hug and kiss and he knows I love him and it's nothing personal (although I've even gone off kissing!) Maybe try to talk to your DH and like somebody else mentioned, get him to read these posts and hopefully he'll realise it's very common for relationships to have sex-less periods

[Chow]

Thank god! I had no idea how normal No sexy time is. I was starting to feel really bad!
I have totally no desire what so ever and i did promise DH that I would not close the "cookie jar". The last time we did it was before I knew we where pg and it really hurt, i have no idea why but it did. So since then i have just not felt like it. I know its not dangerous to have sex while pg but I have read that air going in can cause issues. In the whole process of sexy time there is usally a moment when air comes out kind of like a fluffy (sorry i know to much in) so that worries me but how do you stop that happening? DH read about the air thing too so he is a bit freaked out and is too scared even when i suggest it.

[Miss E]

I also have some pain/discomfort when having sex, not too bad, but still very uncomfortable... Is this normal when you're preg? I never had any problems beforehand....

[Melbournemumma]

Hi ladies,

I have to say that I have no interest in sex at the moment either. But fortunately for me Hubby is overseas and so it's not an issue.

Going off sex has been strange for me as I'm the more sexual one in our relationship . I love sex and I love making love to my hubby so it feels kinda weird for me that I don't want that. However, in saying that, going off sex has probably been a blessing for me bacause of hubby's absence.

When he comes back we'll see what happens. I know that at least the first day I'll want to make love to him and he'll want it too, but knowing his libido he'll probably be happy after the one time .

I guess this doesn't really help any of you who are struggling, but knowing that you aren't alone is always a reassurance.

Krisp - along with everyone else I would definately suggest counselling. Even if it's just for you at the moment. And if you can't get into a counsellor maybe you could contact a counselling hotline like Salvo Care Line or something. Just having someone to talk to may be the first big step.

Praying things work out for you

[fionas]

I've kind of experienced this from both sides. I was very up for it when I was pregnant but DP wasn't because he was scared of hurting the baby and/or the idea just freaked him out. I DID understand and didn't push him, I just said I wish he'd warned me so that it hadn't come as so much of a change (he knew he'd be like this because he was the same with his XW when she was pregnant). Even though I understood, I did feel a tad rejected so I can empathise with blokes who feel this.

When DD was born, his libido came back and mine disappeared - mostly because physically I was in a lot of pain from lingering pelvic instability which means even rolling over in bed was excruciating for the first six months and even now, still a bit uncomfortable 17 months later.

We are slowly getting there but I think these issues are very, very common judging by some of the chats we have in our Mothers Group.

I think the key is that sex is a physical expression of the love we feel for someone so when the sex disappears that person can feel unloved. So you need to keep reassuring them that they are still loved. For blokes, especially, sex can be the main way they express their love.

Krisp - DP and I go to a counselling service in Melbourne that has a creche that could look after your kids. I'm not sure if the creche is open after hours but it's definitely open in the arvos. PM me if you'd like the details.

[tattoo_mama]

Oh geez im glad I came across this thread, so sick of seeing books that say your libido goes up and I was thinking "why not me?"

DP and I have only had sex 3 times since I got pg (im almost 25 weeks) and everytime has been semi forced...its like I enjoy it once were DTD but initiation is either by him after days of whinging (like that helps!) or me forcing myself...to make it worse, when we finally DTD, he says "you don't even want it do you?"
I really hope my libido comes back (I used to want sex every day twice a day at least) and im so depressed I feel like im not a woman anymore...
And continuously having dreams of sex with other ppl (ex's, celebs etc)...not sure if this is normal during pg??

Ahhh so nice to be able to vent

[SophieRose]

I'm not that far long too, and i just haven't wanted anything to do with sex since day 1.
I don't have kids to take care of, i don't work, i stay at home all day and just keep the house clean and do my own thing. But i still just don't want anything to do with it.
Dp hasn't really shown an interest in it either.
So i guess in a way i'm lucky, i don't have a partner nagging me for sex.
But yeah, don't want it now or anytime soon

[blayne]

OMG yes, i have lost all interest in sex!!! i feel so sorry for my partner but it soo hard to get in the mood when u have a little one kicking and squirming in there!!

[tellytubby]

Wow this thread is making me sad

I know exactly what everyone means about the lack of libido! I go to a mothers group twice a week and every mum there is in the same boat. Kinda scary really - because in the end it really does some damage to relationships.

I don't mean to give TMI, but i don't want sex. I'm not 'randy' ever. But my DH is. I try and satisify him (oh god this is embarrasing ) about once a week through a 'hand shandy', haha. It keeps him happy and it means i don't really have to do the deed.

A couple of mums and I have been wondering about the 'up the nose and away it goes' for women. Has anyone tried it??

i really want to know how it is, if it does actually make women horny??