Dear Kellee, Shannon and Jillian

Thank you so much for your kind words. You will be glad to know that I have an appointment to see a councillor tonight.

I want so much to find out why this has affected me so much and move past it. I read the article on belly belly about Gender disappointment and I don't seem to fall into any of those categorises.

I can't believe I am this upset about it, I have one friend that has had seven goes at IVF and still can't get pregnant, and another friend that was due around the same time I am and lost the baby. Here I am with a healthy baby and I don't want it. I would not wish these feelings on any body; I have never felt so distressed and unhappy ever before in my life. I imagine that PND must be similar though worst because the baby is there, and you are suppose to have fallen in love with it as soon as you see it.

I have been speaking to friends about my feelings, and it has been interesting how the truth has been coming out about how they felt when they found out they where also having a boy, even my sister who has always said up to now that she was really happy to have her boys told me last night that it really took her a week to come to terms with the fact that her first child was a boy.

I think one of the things that makes it so hard is that you feel like no one else could ever feel like this, but it appears that I am not the only one. Though I think my feelings are on the extreme end and I don’t know why. Most women talk about being disappointed and then getting over it, at the moment I feel like I am never going to.

Please if anybody reads this a finds they feel disgusted with the fact that somebody could feel like this and not just be happy about having a healthy baby, you are right I feel the same!

Morgan