This is a tricky one.

I can totally understand you wanting to take a breather - I wanted to do the same thing earlier this year but something I read really stuck in my mind and that is that couples who have a trial separation rarely reconcile. I'm quite 'lucky' (though didn't feel lucky at the time, believe you me) that DP wouldn't consider it not for a minute.

I think having been through my share of relationship dramas this year sometimes you have to hit absolutely rock bottom before you can start working things out together.

I think when things got tricky between DP and I, it would have been a huge relief to separate. Things would have been so much easier on my own. No fights, I could do what I wanted. I'm not sure we would have got back together to be honest.

Even when we started going to counselling (and it took me MONTHS to get DP there and I basically had to give him an ultimatum), things didn't get better for a long time.

From the sounds of things, it sounds like you guys, like us, have problems resolving conflict. My way of dealing with this initially, like yours, was to pretend it didn't exist. If I raised anything DP would accuse me of picking an argument and because DSD had just moved in with us, I would say nothing for fear of us rowing in front of her. When she moved out, it was like there was nothing to hold me back any more and I just kept going when he accused me of picking arguments because I wasn't picking arguments, I was always trying to talk to him about something that he didn't want to discuss. That's when things started getting really unpleasant.

But we made it through by working it out together (with the help of counselling). But it has taken a huge amount of effort on both sides and it's still a work in progress but things are looking so much brighter.

I've got not doubt that you feeling a little more independent will be good for your relationship but if the underlying problem is how you resolve conflict then I think you need to work on that together. There is always, always, always going to be some conflict in a relationship. Right now, it seems to be about money/independence but in five years time it could be about something else so you need to have the confidence that you can resolve things together and I think the only way of doing that is to practice together. I'm not sure that you living separately will allow you to practice that.

Look, I guess what I'm saying is that good people like my DP can behave like complete arses and when we tell our friends what arses they can be, they understandably tell us that we should tell them where to stick it. But it really depends on whether you think that he is infact a dyed-in-the-arse-arse or just a temporary arse.

I hope that I haven't offended you in any way. I have ummed and ahhhed for about three hours about posting but decided to bite the bullet!

Take care