You're a dork Fi. That was a very very worthy post, and I agree too.

My xh was suffocating me too..but in a different way. All he wanted to do was hassle me about our problems. He just didn't agree that I was rightfully upset about a few things, he acknowledged we were unhappy but "look at the great life we have" and "but I love yew" over and over.
I had done EVERYTHING I could think of to smooth our problems, he rejected them all. For a girl like me that has no issue with packing up and leaving if need be, I really really stuck it out and when I could do it no longer I left. He went on and on and on about how I was wrong and it was a terrible thing to do to leave...but refused to acknowledge there was any problem. It was stupefying.

I needed some space to clearly think about what I was going to do, but he would not let me. That's why I had to go, he totally suffocated me whilst ignoring my pleas to give me a reason to stay.

WE did get to councelling and I still wonder about it today. I think maybe the chick was accepting of my decision to leave too quickly. I was hurting terribly at the time and I think I could have used a different perspective. HOWEVER - I was following my gut to leave and it was definitely the right thing to do. I have moments of regret as we really are great friends again, but its regret that he couldn't pull his head out of his bum in time to save it. Also, it did take him 3 years to get to the point that he understands now and is kicking himself, (so I rather enjoy that) and the catalyst was me leaving (and a couple of crap attempts at relationships on his behalf).

I think its always best to go with your gut, but as long as your head is clear enough to listen to it. Maybe a week or two away with your family will help?

ETA - I think the magic pill may be more men councellors around, then they can't think she will take the womans side...