I have a few more "don'ts" based on my personal experience.....

I had an orderly come into my room just before I was taken to another room after giving birth, and asked where the formaldahyde (sp?) solution was. Of course I knew it was for my baby. That imagery was something I definately did not need. He was oblivious to the fact i was RIGHT THERE!! And that was MY BABY he was about to put in that solution!! So, as others have said, make sure staff know which room the bereaved mums are in.

Also, don't argue with a mum who's just lost a baby (not that I'd think you would as you seem especially caring and thoughtful), but I had a nurse argue with me when I asked for my meds which I knew were due for me. I ended up yelling "Do you know why I'm here ??!!"

I also found it frustrating that the midwives could not give a single clue as to why my baby died, which really confused me at the time. Since then I've learnt of various causes like a cord accident etc, which would have been useful info at the time. I'm not sure maybe midwives aren't allowed to give you that sort of info??

I also didn't like when one particular middie kept on looking for a heartbeat when it was pretty obvious to everyone there wasn't one, another senior middie actually came and told her to stop.

Never having been though anything like this before I wish the middies would have encouraged us to hold & bathe our little man, & spend more time with him. I was so distraught, shocked & frightened I didn't really think that through and how I might need those precious memories of him in the future

The "right" things that the midwives did with me were:

Held my hand through the birth

Give me room on the general ward for my overnight stay, staying on the maternity ward would have been torture

Came and gave me stories of how they had known mums to go to have healthy babies following a loss like mine

Giving me the Sids & kids info & memory booklet with footprints, handprints weight & length


Thankyou so much for taking the time to hear the mums opinions & experiences who have been through this. You must be a wonderful midwife.