Hey Hj,
You're going to get through this, and you WILL be a mum in the not so distant future. I know this is a hard time for you, and it may be difficult seeing the positives in all of this, but there are positives...
- one positive is that they've found an answer to your miscarriages, which means that they can treat the prog deficiency and lessen the likelihood of you having another miscarriage. That's a HUGE step forward Hj, as you no longer have to wonder 'why'? I'm not saying that you should be thankful for the Doctors having found an actual problem, as I wouldn't wish that on anyone...but for many women they will never know what the reason is for their miscarriages. You would not be the first woman that your OB/GYN has seen with the same problem, and I'm sure if you were to ask your OB/GYN of the success rate of the treatment you need to go on, you would find out that there are many women who have successfully carried a baby to term with the same hormone deficiency you have (i.e. once they were on treatment).
- you should pat yourself on the back for being empowered to do the initial research into prog deficiency yourself, and to continue to seek answers despite the obstacles that you have come up against.
- you may just surprise yourself when it comes to doing the needles yourself. You may just find that once you know how to do it, where to put it, and break through the 'fear' factor, you'll be able to do it with your eyes closed!
I know all the injections and blood tests and Drs appointments you will need to go through seem at this stage like it's all too much, but don't forget what your heart's desire is in all of this...i.e. to be a mum. You wouldn't be the first woman to walk this walk, and you certainly won't be the last. I don't believe for one minute that you will never be a mum Hj, because I know your determination and your heart's desire, and that is what is going to get you through this. And I certainly don't believe that your DH would be better off with someone else...your DH is with you not because of your ability (or inability) to conceive a child without going on hormone injections...he is with you because of the person that you are and the person that he fell in love with. I talk about that quite a bit in my relationship with my DH to make sure that he knows, and I know, that no matter what we go through (ie child or no child), that we are committed to each other until death - my DH & I have been together since we were 15 and our fertility potential was never the reason that we got together and are still together (and will remain together for that fact).
Hj, I don't know what else to say, but in one breath I'm sorry for you that you have been diagnosed with prog deficiency and you will need to go on fairly intensive treatments, but in the other breath I'm happy that you have your answers and you can move forward with a reassurance that you are able to do something about it. I really believe it will be 3rd time lucky for you. Just be brave.
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