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thread: Trying to Conceive after Miscarriage or Loss ~ April 2009

  1. #325
    Registered User

    Aug 2007
    299

    thanks everyone.
    more details: i should be 10w3d but bubba measuredat 6w2d with no heartbeat. ob told me i have 3 options: 1. D&C tomorrow, 2. wait for natural miscarriage and 3. give it a week to see what happens naturally and book in for a d&c next week. she's left the decision up to me cause she understands it's a very personal choice.
    i'm so confused. i want to get the physical bit done so we can ttc asap, but a d&c just seems so final also and although i know bubba is already gone i feel like i'm scraping out my little baby. but do i want to wait around and continue to carry the bubba that already left me 4 weeks ago? i thought i was dealing with it really well but am falling down again.
    i'm so confused and sad and torn. what an awful thing for so many women to go through. especially when you have a mil that asks your dh 'what did she do?'. can't get that out of my head.


  2. #326
    Registered User

    Jan 2009
    Pennsylvania
    86

    juleswa- How insensitive of you mil! When I had my D&C it was the same day I found out I lost bub. To me it was the right decision because then I could go home with DH and grieve. We started TTC right away again. You are being very brave talking about it.

  3. #327
    Registered User

    Aug 2008
    Adelaide
    1,488

    jules - So sorry you have to go through this. In my case I had a D&C for a missed m/c. I was 10 weeks along which was a little too far to allow nature to take its course - there's a chance I would've needed a D&C anyway. How far along are you? As for TTC afterwards I don't think it really matters either way. The advice is usually to wait at least one cycle (which I did) and this probably is more important after a D&C since the lining is scraped pretty thin. But its an individual decision as to when you are ready. Allow yourself some time to heal. Physical recovery after a D&C is probably longer but it begins straight away whereas a natural miscarriage can itself take longer.

    Sorry if I've confused you more. Just trying to offer as much advice as I can. In my experience, I chose to have the D&C because my baby had died almost a week before I had any signs of m/c. Then I was bleeding constantly, but not heavily, for a week before having the D&C, so in my case, a natural miscarriage could have taken weeks.

    Again, I'm so sorry you have to go through this. If you want to, let us know how it goes.


    Sorry girls, was going to post more personals but wrote more to jules than I thought I would. I'm still feeling pretty which is not such a bad thing at the moment. I have a dr appointment tomorrow so I'll try to come on and let you all know how it goes. I'm always thinking of you all.

  4. #328
    Registered User

    Dec 2008
    Melbourne, VIC
    46

    Juleswa ~ I'm so sorry you're in the position you are. I'm not sure if my story will help or not; our circumstances were different. I had a complete m/c and didn't need any other intervention so the physical side settled relatively quickly. The emotional aspects have taken much longer to sort themselves out. We had differing medical advice to wait ranging from 1 to 3 cycles, but the best advice was to "feel" ready to TTC. For me there's been a gradual shift from the grief-riddled "I must try now" ache, so more of a slow, certain knowledge that I'm in a better, more rational space and much more prepared for the joy (and the risks) associated with being pg again. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that the physical side is only one aspect of TTC. I have had to learn the hard way to acknowledge the ongoing impact of the mental/emotional side to our m/c as well.

    Good luck with your decision about a d&c. I hope the stories you come across here are helpful in your decision making. We have all been in the same or similar positions and can appreciate how difficult this is. Take care.

  5. #329
    Registered User

    Aug 2008
    Adelaide
    1,488

    jules - What a horrible thing for your MIL to say! I hope you're not blaming yourself. Unfortunately, sometimes, bad things happen to good people. Apart from the medical reasons, I chose a D&C because I wanted to get my physical recovery over with so that I could focus on emotional recovery. The D&C also had the advantage of a general anaesthetic. I do relate to the feeling of 'scraping out my baby' but I don't think I would've coped with consciously losing him at home.

  6. #330
    Registered User

    Aug 2008
    Cairns QLD
    138

    Congratulations Mollycat am very very happy for you fellow Aries!!! I hope you have a fantastic 9 months and am looking forward to updates.

    Fifi - OMG can't wait to hear the news!!!

    Jules - so sorry for your loss, I miscarried all my 3 babies around 6 weeks and they were all natural, no D&C required, it is really up to you and what your doctor recommends, as you can see I had no problem with tubes being blocked as I fell another two times after my first miscarriage, everybody's body is different though so I wish you lots of goodluck and pray that you can start healing emotionally soon.

    Mel - I've been using the maybe baby too and I find it a little ambigous but last cycle it seemed to coincide nicely with my OPK so am still using it in conjunction with everything else of course, am in my PF stage at the moment and should ovulate over this weekend, so we will be BDing all weekend, unfortuantley we are in Sydney staying with family so will have to try not to make it to loud and also have to find the opportunity to just get on with it, at whomever's place we are staying at, thankGod we are home on Saturday night hopefully I don't O til Sunday or Monday!!! Anyway am off track here, keep on with the maybe baby it does work most of the time, but use it with your chart and if you can an OPK. Goodluck sunshine.


    Coco - hun stuff the degrees!! I don't have a degree and Im earning over $100Kp.a and live in FNQ!!! so don't ever let anyone tell you that you need to have a degree to earn the big bucks and be intellingent because hun, if your good at what you do and you make the right connections then it doesn't matter if you have one or not, you'll get there on your merits and experience!! Also my DH used to drink quite a lot and he doesn't anymore, the evil liqour makes him say some very mean things and I too have been on the recieving end, unforutantley the next day its he who is feeling the pain and is the one who has to make it up to you! hopefully he only drinks on occassion, and the best thing you can do if he does get into those mean moods is just walk away, walk away into another room and read or watch TV or go to sleep or if its really bad go stay the night at a friends place (hopefully its not that bad??) I found just walking away and not responding to him the best way to deal with it. Be strong girlfriend Im sure he has learned from this.

    Hey Chappas - hearing that heartbeat hey!! best sound in the world I bet!

    Jen - how you going?? any news from your end yet??? am hanging out on this site until you do!!! are we cycle buddies this month??? not sure I thought we may have been??

    Toccara - how are you lovely??

    Hannah - how you feeling, how's it all going with the little bub??

    Hey I can't change colours on my font's or add smilies anymore is this because Im not a member???

    Hello to everyone else, can't remember all the names hope you are all bding and twwing along and all get what you all sooo deserved which is a big fat BFP!!! like Molly's!!

  7. #331
    Registered User

    Jan 2008
    Indiana, USA
    400

    Good morning gurlies!

    mollycat...I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face...I am sooooooooo very happy for you!!! May God bless you with a H&H 9 months...you so deserve it! BIG HUGE HUGS!!!

    Oh and happy birthday to you fellow Aries!

  8. #332
    Registered User

    Mar 2008
    California
    1,665

    Hey, Mannie, the mods are having some difficulties with the mood smilies.... they need everyone to click "reset" on their mood, so that they can reset the moods that some people are stuck on. I think they have to wait for everyone to click reset, tho...


    Promise I'll bbl for persies--and even an AFM, Mel!

  9. #333
    Registered User

    Aug 2007
    299

    thanks everyone.
    i'm still unsure what to do, and am maybe thinking to give it the week to see if my body will go through the process (although that does scare me a bit at the same time) and go ahead with the d&c next week.
    That's what i feel this minute anyways, it will change in another two minutes i'm sure.
    dh is also interstate for work at the moment so not sure i want to go through through the d&c on my own (although mum is around)
    why can't i make this decision?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!

  10. #334
    Registered User

    Jan 2009
    Pennsylvania
    86

    Greenslw-I'm glad you are feeling better!

    MO3B-I hope things start looking up for you soon.

    Mel-Congratulations on the new car! And how sweet of DH to surprise you. Hope your 2WW ends in a BFP

    Boble-Yay for getting a coverline! I guess your in the TWW with most of us now!

    Hello to Jen, Krystielove, Rhi, erbery, WTH, megsmum, PLC, chappas, sally, smi, mannie, Hannah, meh, coco, cherished and AJC (sorry to anyone I missed)

    AFM- I'm not sure what is going on with me. I'm 5 dpo and I had a temp drop this morning. Does anyone know why that might have happened? Also having pains on my right side that feel like O pains.

  11. #335
    Registered User

    Jan 2009
    Pennsylvania
    86

    juleswa- This is one of the hardest decisions to make for urself. Maybe you should talk to the doctor and see which one they would recommend for your situation. I'm so sorry your having to go through this with DH too. That has to be making things so much harder on you.

  12. #336
    Registered User

    Mar 2008
    California
    1,665

    Shortcake--Really, really, really hoping maybe it's an implantation dip??????? Could be what the O-type pains are from, as well!

  13. #337
    Registered User

    Mar 2008
    California
    1,665

    jules-- I'm so sorry for your loss, and that you're being made to make this decision on your own. I also didn't know that there were options, as my dr. told me based on an u/s that my baby had no h/b, so I was going to m/c within 2 days. I had already started spotting by this time, and had also had what seemed like my water breaking. So I went home knowing I would be m/c'ing at any time, and having to just ride it out. I had to deal with an actual labor and delivery without the fairy tale ending.... my experience was awful, as DS was home with me at the time, so had to lock myself in the bathroom... the dr had asked me to try to save the remains, but I was literally delivering on the toilet, and not knowing what was what and when.... everything had to be flushed... I've also gone the D&C route with my first m/c some 14 yrs. ago. I wasn't given an option, I had what was a blighted ovum, and they just did it. I would say between the two, that the D&C was probably a lot easier to cope with, with much less bleeding if I remember correctly. It's totally up to you, hon.... I just wanted to add also that I've been TTC for over a year now since my m/c, and after finding out about Mel's blocked tubes, and how she was unaware for so long, it really makes me question whether or not my body was able to get rid of everything... so I've got an appt. scheduled for July 1, and I'm going to ask about the possibility of my tubes being blocked. Can't help but feel that maybe if I'd had a D&C, there'd be a better chance that I would be pg by now.

    I wish you the best of luck on your decision, hon! Know that we're all here for you, and we know what you're going through, and how heartbreaking it is! You're among friends...

  14. #338
    Registered User

    Jan 2009
    Pennsylvania
    86

    Jen- I am really hoping that it is implantation dip!?!? I was sorda thinking that myself but I'm trying not to get my hopes up. I am praying that it is though!!!

  15. #339
    Registered User

    Mar 2008
    California
    1,665

    Shortcake--



    Hey, can you click 'reset' on your mood smiley thingy? Thanks!

  16. #340
    Registered User

    Jan 2009
    Pennsylvania
    86

    Its reset! Sorry! Thanks for the baby dust!

  17. #341
    Registered User

    Apr 2009
    Melbourne
    533

    Hi,
    First time post here but I have been reading for a few days now. Hubby is very keen to have a baby, I have two from a previous relationship. Suspected for almost two weeks that I was pregnant only to get a positive test, tell the family (I had no probs in the past) and then miscarry two days later. Feel quite the fool for telling and getting everyone excited.

    Can anyone direct me to a place I can start to decode all the txt talk in here? most of it I have guessed at contextually but I realistically have no idea what most of the abbreviations mean/stand for.

    Anyway, from here I'm trying again and I think I will be using this space to list my suspicions in future instead of talking to friends out 'in the real world' and getting everyone frustrated at me. Seems somehow a lot safer in here.

  18. #342
    Registered User

    Jan 2009
    Pennsylvania
    86

    smallfryplus- Welcome! I'm so sorry you have to be here. I hope your TTC journey is short. Here is a link for all the abbreviations! I hope this helps.


    https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...-acronyms.html

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