ladies, thank you all for your replies to my post this morning. your kindness and support make such a difference. knowing i am not alone helps more than i can even say.

i do know i shouldn't blame myself, guess it is just natural to try to look for answers and reasons when there really aren't any. it is hard but once again i am slowly surrendering to knowing this is all out of my control.

once again, thank you all for your support.