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Thread: TTC after Miscarriage or Loss ~ April 08

  1. #127

    Default from the black hole...

    hi ladies

    i am in the middle of a very early loss, probably what you call a chemical preg. just found out i was definitely pregnant thursday but woke up bleeding yesterday. the bleeding is now extremely heavy and (sorry if TMI) passing huge clots.

    i was feeling ok about it all but today have woken up and have been unable to stop crying. i feel like a failure. a failure as a wife, as a woman as a human being. i feel like before with the miscarriage in January it was only a one off thing that happened but this has just confirmed that there is definitely something wrong with me now. i feel like i am being punished for every bad thing i ever did in my life.

    i know these are all stupid and selfish thoughts but am just feeling so black- feeling physically, mentally and emotionally depleted.



    i know i will be ok and will pick myself up but just needed to get these feelings out.

    thanks for listening.

  2. #128

    Default

    pbstar...listening and hearing you loud and clear - thats what were hear for...you take care and I'll be thinking of you today huge

  3. #129

    Join Date
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    Default pbstar

    oh PBSTAR,

    so so so sorry sweetheart...please remember, we have all thought these things and felt these feelings, but you HAVE TO know that you hvae done nothing wrong...nothing you did, either now or in the past, caused this to happen...God just didnt think it was your time yet...

    i know it feels impossible now, but please try and look after your self , and know that these feelings will pass...

    but for now, know that we are all thinking of you and praying for you

  4. #130

    Default

    pbstar, although you are feeling bleak and you have every right to be, don't blame yourself. since we lost our little one i've been researching madly and all i can come up with is most m/c have no one "cause", it's just good old mother nature making sure that when you do have a baby it'll be a good strong healthy one. not much consolation, i know...but do look after yourself.

  5. #131

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    Pbstar- I am so sorry sweety I know its hard to think it at the moment, but is so not your fault and doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. A friend of mine had 3 mc's bw her two bubs and her 2nd was fine. I really think its just the luck of the draw. I know I'm probably getting repetitive, but not every egg can be perfect and not every sperm can be perfect, but eventually two perfect ones will get together. There is nothing you can do that will alter that. I think these really early losses are very common, which is why doctors always want us to wait til after AF is due to POAS. Try to give yourself a break. Take care and come in and vent as much as you feel like doing.

  6. #132

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    Sorry i haven't posted lately but will bbl for personals.

    Just wanted to say to Pbstar - that, depite what u feel, u r not a failure and u r experiencing what many many women before u have for hundreds of years but have never wished to share with anyone else cos it's "taboo". Honey, not any consolation right now but maybe will be in time, this is nature's way. It can happen once, twice, 3 times and more and it randomly happens to anyone - not ur fault and nothing u did wrong. That's the logical side - the emotional side doesn't understand that hence u feel like a failure and that it will never happen for u. Sweety - it WILL happen for you - just believe it will. You have all of our shoulders to cry on however for as long as you need it

  7. #133

    Default

    ladies, thank you all for your replies to my post this morning. your kindness and support make such a difference. knowing i am not alone helps more than i can even say.

    i do know i shouldn't blame myself, guess it is just natural to try to look for answers and reasons when there really aren't any. it is hard but once again i am slowly surrendering to knowing this is all out of my control.

    once again, thank you all for your support.

  8. #134

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    Oct 2007
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    tutmae - hoping that shadow turns in to a deep dark BFP :goodluck2:

    tinak - sorry about af. that this month will be yours.

    smilinatu - yes my breasts do usually get a little more sensitive, a little fuller too. This month they have been super sensitive as I'm on clomid, have been quite veiny too.

    pbstar - Ditto to what the other ladies have said. Your pregnancy was something created with your love for each other - the same love that WILL one day bring a healthy bouncing bubba into the world for you to hold in your arms. Acknowledge your thoughts and feelings, none of them are selfish or stupid. Keep popping your folate & vitamins, don't lose sight of the big picture because you WILL get there.

  9. #135

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    Mar 2008
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    Ok, I know I'm not supposed to be here--supposed to be camping. Drove 3 hours (after getting lost) to find the campsite is closed until next weekend! Then we had to drive 3 hours home--needless to say, DH not too happy. We've been so busy trying to plan this trip that there's been no bd'ing for 2 days! Supposed to have O during the last week, but just not sure. Hope I didn't miss my window for this mo!

    pbstar--Unfortunately these feelings you're having are so familiar to us all! It's heartbreaking, I know, and it feels like your world has come crashing down around you. Please, please, please, don't listen to that nagging voice in your head (I know it's there--like a never-ending slide show in your mind) that tells you that this is your fault, and that you did something wrong. Nothing you did could have prevented this from happening, you did nothing wrong--and you're definitely NOT a failure! I had 3 m/c in between my boys, so I know from experience that it can still happen when it's meant to be. I've also done a lot of research on the topic and was surprised to hear how common it is for women to m/c. With 2 of my m/c I was POAS the day that I was supposed to start, got my BFP, then m/c within a week. My dr. told me that had I not been trying, I wouldn't have taken the HPT, and I would've just thought that my period was late. He said that most women that start their cycle late are actually having a m/c and don't even know it! I don't know if there's any truth to that, but it did help me to feel a little more "normal". My heart truly breaks for you--the "black" feelings, the emptiness, I know all too well. I think we all do. Though it won't go away, the pain will lessen over time, I promise. Just know that we're all here for you and we all care about you!

  10. #136

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    Grrr. I just spent ages typing a post and then ping! It all dissappeared!

    PbStar. I am so sorry for your painful and unwanted news. Take your time to heal, be selfish (it's allowed) and remember that this is most certainly not your fault. You are NOT a failure. Plenty of women who suffer more than one pregnancy loss go on to have healthy babies later. You and I will join their number really soon, I'm sure of it. Take Care.
    Jen Campsite closed? Familiar story! I once travelled many miles on a bumpy bus with an enormous rucksack only to find that the campsite had been closed for 3 years! Our guidebook was out of date! I hope that you managed to catch the egg. The distration from TTC may have helped (I always think that if you concentrate on something you want to happen, it is less likely to than if you are 'not looking!')
    Tina. Sorry about AF. Our cycles must be almost in synch now- what CD are you on?
    Mollycat- hope you enjoyed the pampering
    Jodsan, Thanks for the advice- I didnt know those swimmers could survive for so long! I agree with panadol, by the way!
    Emmylou and Tutmae For a BFP really soon
    Nickster- Glad to hear that bub is behaving. Enjoy the rest of your preg. I bet you cant wait to feel those somersaults ( At 3am and 4am and 5am...!)

    AFM- AF is packing her bags, but is not quite out of the door yet. I have been spoiling myself today with shopping, lunch with a friend and a hair cut- oh, it's a life of leisure! Take care everyone.

  11. #137

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    Hi Canary, well, im on CD7 at the moment, and AF has gone for another month...is that where you are? Ive decided not to temp this month, and just pull back from the stress of monitoring...DH and i decided it was all too much pressure, so we are just going to try and relax and see what happens....

    jen805: how irritating! i guess that i was a bit of a distraction for you anyway!

    pbstar: remember we are all here and still thinking of you...look after yourself...its amazing how prevalent this terrible thing really is...

  12. #138

    Default Hi Ladies

    Well I purchased 4 HPT's yesterday..did one last night and another this morning and both a BFN...not even the slightest line!!! sooo I presume AF is still to arrive and my body is still out of whack from m/c...this is such an emotional process, I thought I was dealing with everything really well but have cried with frustration a couple of times this weekend!!! I can't really tell anyone close to me how I really (only because I don't want to upset them) feel except you wonderful ladies on here!!! I did have my hopes up as you can see...I think constantly everyday about my angel baby and am I pregnant and temping etc etc...I think I'm going to take a step back from it all and let nature take its course instead of trying to force something to happen that I want so much too!!
    Thanks for listening..

  13. #139

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    Default quick question

    Just a quick question ladies:
    any one tried using preseed? any comments, thoughts etc? im thinking of giving it a go this month..so feedback would be great, thank you

  14. #140

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    Tina - I gave the preseed a go this month so we'll know in a week or so if it made a difference. When I have been googling I have heard a lot of good stories about people getting pregnant first month of using it. Worth a try I think.

    God, sick as a dog this weekend, the boys had a tummy bug this week and it seems I have picked it up. No vomiting or diarrhea for me (DH and DS did), just severe stomach cramps and nausea, kind of wish I would throw up to get it out of my system. Hope its not going to affect my chance of implantation

  15. #141

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    Jodsan--Hope you're feeling better!

    Emmy-Lou--So sorry about your BFN's

    tina k--Wish it could've been more of a distraction! Now I'm stuck sitting around the house with nothing to do but think, think, think!!! GRRRRRRR!!! Taking a break from the monitoring is probably just what you need! I hope it helps! Never heard of preseed, so I have no input on that--although now I'm curious, so I have some homework to do!

    Canary--good for you for spoiling yourself! Glad to hear AF almost gone!

    Hope everyone's having a great weekend!

  16. #142

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    Tina K - I used it a few times, i got some samples from LC when i got my pregnancy tests. I have been trying for 8 months now since my last m/c and still nothing.
    The preseed was ok, not sticky or anything which was good, but im not pregnant so it didnt work miracles for me. I wouldnt say anything bad about it though.
    sorry not much help, but better than nothing i guess.

    Best of luck
    treelo

  17. #143

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    hey ladies - i haven't posted in awhile in this thread. well actuallyi haven't posted all that much in any thread. i have been lurking though. i am exactly half way through my 2 week wait. gonna try a few personals.

    Tina K - i never heard of preseed until I came to this site. sorry i can't be any help.

    Canary - spoil away. you deserve it.

    jodsan - sorry to here about your stomach bug.

    Jen - sorry about the camping trip. DH has ben trying to get me to go camping for years. the thought of bears terrifies me.

    hello to all I have missed. will try to keep up. good luck with BFPs to everyone

    Barbara

  18. #144
    Chalalan Guest

    Default Can I join in?

    Hi ladies,

    I'm a couple of months past my missed miscarriage, but not the heartache that goes along with it. I still check into BB occassionally but I check in and leave again pretty quickly as I can't stand being around all these pregnant women..totally selfish but I offer no excuses, it just hurts too much....

    To make matters worse, my husband works away for 2 months at a time with 1 month home with me. I ovulated for the first time since my D&C about a week after he left back to work and I have been pretty miserable since.

    I feel totally sorry for myself and can completely sympathise with what the rest of you lovely ladies are going through. I'm not going to be a regular contributor but I will be lurking so best of luck ladies and I really and truly hope that you get the BFPs that you are wishing for.

    Love Charlie x

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