Trying to Conceive after Late Loss, Still Birth or Recurrent Miscarriage April '08

[Katiegirl]

Hi all. Hope you had all had a nice weekend.

Jo - I hope yesterday was okay for you, even though I am sure it was emotional. I just know that all our angels were keeping each other company and watching over us.

Jen - of course you are welcome here. This thread is for people who have had late losses, stillbirths AND recurrent miscarriages. Having 4 mcs must be so difficult, and no matter at what stage they happen. So you have not offended anyone, and are most welcome here amongst us. It is just so sad that we are all here in the first place. So please feel very welcome to join us as we are all here to support each other.

[Rozzie27]

Hi ladies,

this is my first post here. I lost my first child, a son, a week and a half ago. He was 22 weeks and died with no warning in utero.

Having started to read these forums, I see that most stillbirths occur close to full term (although there are plenty that are much earlier). My question to those who would like to answer is, for those who did experience the terrible loss, did you find a reason? At this stage it appears we will have no reason... I guess I'm interested to know because DH and I would like to start trying again soon. It hasn't been long I know, but we really want children, and this is the only way to do it! Unfortunately because I had a surgical birth we can't try till after the 2nd cycle.

I'd appreciate your advice. Whilst in a way it was comforting to know that there was nothing anyone could have done to save our son, at the same time it's terrifying that it may just as easily happen again (though statisically that's unlikley, but I'm allowed to be irrational right now!).

Rozzie

[jen805]

Rozzie. I'm so sorry to read of your loss. I pray that you find peace and comfort here with us. I wish I had an answer to your question, did your dr. ever run any tests to try to figure out why this happened? And you're not being irrational just because you're worried that it could happen again--that's natural after what you've been through! I hope your 2 cycles go by quickly so you can start trying again soon. You're in my thoughts and prayers, hun, take care of yourself!


Katiegirl--Thanks so much--I actually feel really relieved! I just didn't want to step on anyone's toes or anything, KWIM? thanks for being here (although I wish none of us had to be)!

[jen805]

Rozzie. I'm so sorry to read of your loss. I pray that you find peace and comfort here with us. I wish I had an answer to your question, did your dr. ever run any tests to try to figure out why this happened? And you're not being irrational just because you're worried that it could happen again--that's natural after what you've been through! I hope your 2 cycles go by quickly so you can start trying again soon. You're in my thoughts and prayers, hun, take care of yourself!


Katiegirl--Thanks so much--I actually feel really relieved! I just didn't want to step on anyone's toes or anything, KWIM? thanks for being here (although I wish none of us had to be)!

[Hammi]

Rozzie, I also lost my 22wks son. They did a blood test on me on the day to check for infections and found none. They also did a post-mortem on my baby but I haven't received the results yet. I have read that about 30% of stillbirths have no evident cause.

I'm due back to my hated obstetrician for a check-up next week where I'll ask more about what happened and also when we can start trying again. I understand how you feel, I desperately want to hold a baby in my arms and hear it cry and see it open its eyes.

Good luck Rozzie and feel free to vent, we all know how you feel.

Hi Jen, thanks for checking up on me. I'm doing OK. We collected Hamish's ashes last week and it's a real comfort to have him home with us. I'm also distracting myself with looking after my health and trying to be in a positive frame of mind about the future.

[jen805]

Hammi--I'm so happy to hear you feeling so positive about the future! My dad passed away from a brain tumor 5 years ago, and my step mom still keeps his ashes next to her bed. It provides her with great comfort, so I can only imagine how comforted you would feel to have him home with you. I wish you luck at your appointment, and I hope you get the green light to begin your TTC journey. Please feel free to join us in the TTC after M/C when you're ready, I would love to see you there! We're planning a mass exodus into the Pregnancy after M/C thread! Take care, hun!

[Katiegirl]

Hi Rozzie - I am very sorry for the loss of your baby. I hope you find comfort and understanding here with us. I found out at 20 weeks that our son Nathaniel had passed away aroun 15 weeks. We have all had losses at different stages from the 2nd trimester so most of us in here were not close to full term. So please know that you are most welcome to join us in this journey we are all on. We had chromosomal tests performed and all came back negative. My original ob after persuading from me (more like me saying - I want tests done) some blood tests on me - and my new ob (who I love!) did a very comprehensive testing - and all have come back negative. So we also have no explanation for why Nathaniel did not make it. I don't think an answer would have made it any easier - either way it doesn't change the outcome. So if they have not done tests, than know you can certainly ask for them. I have had more blood taken from me than I care to think about! One day alone I had about 16 vials taken!

Hammi - glad to hear that you have Hamish's ashes at home with you. I also have Nathaniel's and it is a great comfort to me. I don't think I will ever be ready to spread his ashes etc, as I really do like keeping him with us. Also just remember if you aren't happy with your ob...then change! I had my 6 week follow up with my ob but I already knew I was going to change, so it helped me.

Hi to everyone else.

[Rozzie27]

Thanks ladies for your replies.

My OB has been great and ordered blood tests and a post-mortem. All the blood tests came back neg and we're waiting on the PM results, though initial inspection yielded nothing.

The only health problem I have I can think of that may be related is I have low levels of anti-cardiolipin antibodies, so was taking clexane for first 12 weeks, then stopped on OB's advice (after he spoke to a few hematologists). But if my understanding is correct if that were the cause it would have been from a blood clot, which they didn't find. Anyway, I have a feeling no cause will be found.

My OB has said that next preg, though he'll still be my doctor, he'll send me for regular check-ups to the public hospital, because it's a teaching hospital they're up on all the latest reading and see this sort of thing more than he does, so that's reassuring. One man can't know it all I suppose

Thanks

[Katiegirl]

Hi Rozzie - I am very sorry for the loss of your baby. I hope you find comfort and understanding here with us. I found out at 20 weeks that our son Nathaniel had passed away aroun 15 weeks. We have all had losses at different stages from the 2nd trimester so most of us in here were not close to full term. So please know that you are most welcome to join us in this journey we are all on. We had chromosomal tests performed and all came back negative. My original ob after persuading from me (more like me saying - I want tests done) some blood tests on me - and my new ob (who I love!) did a very comprehensive testing - and all have come back negative. So we also have no explanation for why Nathaniel did not make it. I don't think an answer would have made it any easier - either way it doesn't change the outcome. So if they have not done tests, than know you can certainly ask for them. I have had more blood taken from me than I care to think about! One day alone I had about 16 vials taken!

Hammi - glad to hear that you have Hamish's ashes at home with you. I also have Nathaniel's and it is a great comfort to me. I don't think I will ever be ready to spread his ashes etc, as I really do like keeping him with us. Also just remember if you aren't happy with your ob...then change! I had my 6 week follow up with my ob but I already knew I was going to change, so it helped me.

As for me, I had a mini breakdown today. DH is working from home and I have taken the day off because I am tired (I am always tired at the moment), and we got a text from our friend's saying their baby was born this morning - a boy. We were due a couple of weeks before them, so whilst I am happy for them it just makes me feel like we have been waiting a long time for our baby. So I had a cry and DH was very lovely and understood why I felt this way. The feeling of loss, really never goes away - it eases but it never goes away. DH kept reminding me that we will have this baby in November but I am tired of waiting. So that is me feeling sorry for myself.

Hi to everyone else.