Trying to Conceive after Late Loss, Still Birth or Recurrent Miscarriage Feb/March 08

[Simba]

thanks mel - just saw your post after i had sent one to Katie so didnt want you to think i'd left you out. it might take me a bit of courage to join the PAL thread but i'll be there soon. thanks again

[jo76]

hey everyone!

well, i have'nt been on for about a week and it has been really hard. (maybe its been less but just feels longer) I have'nt had access to a computer as i have been so busy and i have really needed this site this week!
But first!!!!!...
simba - i am really happy to hear your news. I can understand your nerves as i am not sure how i will cope when i get a BFP. But i really hope this is the beginning of some wonderful things for you and DH!
Katie - I hope all is ok with you! The brown mucous could seem daunting but pls stay positive! the peeing sounds like a great sign for you and may be the one time we actually are happy to get up during the night! I am thinking of you!

I am really excited there is a couple of us getting there!

As for me, this week was hard work. I was working a few extra hours this week so was already feeling the effects of that after going to part-time for the last month. Then on tuesday my IVF friend had her baby, which i was so excited about as she has wanted this baby for so long and struggled for years to get there! Then i went onto her facebook and saw the photos that night and was still the happy excited friend. then on the way home to our friends where we are staying i hit a massive wall. Emotionally! (not as in a car crash!) You could say i fully slammed into it! i was in tears like you would'nt believe as she was only a few weeks in front and we had talked about our babies playing together etc very early on in our pregnancies. So i think her happy healthy baby combined with the disappointment of a late period all slammed together at once. So then i was upset because i felt i was being so selfish but it made me realise just how much i had lost. AGAIN! It seems those feelings just don't wanna go just yet. I saw Dh inside and just burst into tears again and then our friends who walked in on it also then stayed in their bedroom for the rest of the night. Which is where i ended up also. I was still not great the next day either but at least had a full day at work to get my head and thoughts busy with something else. So its been really emotional and all i could think of was all you guys as i could'nt think of anyone including DH that i wanted to speak about it to. Now i'm feeling a bit better and am hoping i am joining the BFP club very soon!
we are at mum and dads for the next week and a half as they are going away so i have lots of computer access! YAY! Then on the 25th we get the keys for our new house! Finally setllement is near! YAY x 1000!!!!!
Please take care everyone!
xxx

[tempus moriendi]

Been going through a major emotional roller coaster the last few days. After the initial excitement of the four follicles on my ovarian ultrasound, I started to panic, picturing myself with quads, picturing my husband passing out cold on the floor, etc...Then I picked up my prescription of ovudrel, which the package insert said it increases the possiblility of multiples, especially when taken in conjunction w/clomid (like me). so I wasn't sure whether to BD or not, did it anyway, and went to my FS today, where he told me that one of my follicles is clearly in the lead for development and the chance of 40 year old me having multiples from this drug is extremely low. *whew*

But then he goes on to tell my my uterine lining is a "little thin". Not that I"m suprised, because I AF profusely and long, so I didn't have my usual time between ending AF and O. But I decided not to fret about it.

But then they called back after I got home this morning and said the doc got my bloodwork back and he wants to see me in his office tomorrow. So now I"m upset again, and thinking it's bad news and maybe my eggs are all cr@ppy and I'm just getting too old for this and so on and so forth.

Not to mention the kids are all fractious today, and DH is down in the dumps about his dad passed away last month (normal grief, I know--but today I need somebody to be there for ME), and my friend who I usually call to vent to is out doing family stuff (the nerve of her, having a separate life!)

I never thought it would be so hard to have another baby, and besides, I wonder if I really need all these chemicals to make me ovulate--I get pregnant fast, I just have trouble staying pregnant (4 mc's). Maybe their just doing more harm than good, if my uterine lining is any indication.

So, any words of encouragement would be so appreciated right now. I'm usually a positive person, but right now none of my real life people are there for me, and I don't want to sink too low.

Enough about me, how about you:

Simba: Congratulations! I'll be praying really hard.

jo76: I"m so sorry. Sending cyberhug. Be really good to yourself right now, and if it makes you feel any better, everybody on this site has felt exactly the way you did about a friend or family member having a baby. We won't judge.

[jo76]

How hot is it? (for the rest of you melb girls!) PHEW!!!! Bring on the air conditioning! I usually love the sun but the rain is looking great right now!
TM - just wanted to let you now you are in my thoughts! Eventhough it is easier to say than to do, please try not to stress yourself out too much as you really don't know what they may have to say to you until you get there. i ahve always been that person that has been positive until i have heard the bad news, even in the case of Jack, i still believed at the emergency ultrasound i would be seeing him kick around not getting the bad news i did. So I hope your appointment is in the morning so that you don't have to aniticipate the answer for too long. But don't give up, my IVF friend that i have spoken about various times on here, she is my inspiration. All she has ever wanted to do was be married and preg and she finally 6 years ago met the man (at 33) and then from 3 mths after they met were trying for a baby. Fast forward to being on IVF for 5 years and numerous miscarriages, pokes and prods, tests and visits in and out of hospital (she was similiar - would get preg but miscarry early) and one finally stuck firm! She has just had a little girl and I know that all she has been through would be very worth it for her right now. She has had fibroids removed, battled bulimia and had basically one ovary and tube left usable, so use her to inspire you, because I really consider her one of the strongest people i know!
simba - how are you going?
katie - update me!!!!!! i hope you had a good weekend!! I get what you mean about the car race, DH and my dad sat and watched it so since i had no where to go, did the washing! awesome! ha!
barbara - love your talking to the body thing too! maybe we all need to that a little more! Mantras are supposed to be a good thing! I am really trying to look after myself right now, i hope all is still ok with you and your renos!

[Simba]

jo - i bet you cant wait for the 25th - it will be so nice for you to be in your own place and not be around people all the time (good chance that will help ttc as well!) the heat is such a killer - my classroom at work doesnt have aircon so today was very tough - poor little kids were melting! my friend had a baby the other day too and i am happy for her but just get so ****ed off that we deserve that happiness too - so completely understand where you are coming from and i think feeling like that is pretty normal (whatever that is!)

TM - i wish i had the right words to say to you to make you feel better. will be thinking of you tomorrow at your dr appt. someone once said to me that god only ever deals us what we can handle - not that i am overly religious but i liked that thought that someone believes we are strong enough to face what is in front of us - even if we dont think we can. you really have so much on your plate at the moment - take care of yourself. :hugs:

katie - hope that mucous has all cleared up and that you are feeling happy and positive.

Barbara - hope that you are going well - how many more days till testing for you? so hope that this will be the month for you.

went to the OB this afternoon - he sent me off for bt to determine how many weeks as my cycle has been so irregular. i will get the results tomorrow arvo. he said i could be up to 6 weeks but i think its more like 4 so will wait and see. anyway off to dinner with some girlfriends, dh is off taking clients to the rugby so i decided i should go out too!

take care everyone and bring on the cool change!

[tempus moriendi]

Ask and you shall recieve! Thanks for all the encouragement--it really helped a lot. And you ladies know just what to say because you've been through it.

Well, the FS just wanted to do another ultrasound and more bloods and good news! My lining caught up its development overnight and now it's a normal size, one of my follicles is ready to pop, two are almost there, and one follicle is pretty much out of the running. So I took an ovudrel shot tonight and have to BD tonight and either tomorrow or wed nite, then start progesterone pills on Saturday. My FS doesn't check progesterone levels first, he just puts everybody on it on general principles. Which is fine with me. So after a trip to Victoria Secret to spend a gift card I had lying around, I'm all set for this week (yeah, TMI).

Thought I'd post this funny little Dr. Seuss poem I found:
"I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind.
Some come from ahead and some come from behind.
But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see.
Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!"
~ Dr. Seuss

[~StarBright~]

Wow girls!!! I told you 's are contagious!!!!! Wahoo Simba!!!!

tm i LOOOVE that quote!!!! Good lcuk with everything!!! It all sounds promising!!!

Katie girl... i hope all is well and sticky!!! xoxox

[jo76]

hey everyone!


Simba - can't wait to hear how far you are - i am really happy for you!And having our house and our own space will really make a difference, physically and def emotionally! I 'll feel as though i'll have the space just to be me, you know?!?
TM - I love Suess so that was a really appropriate quote! And i am REALLY happy to hear that you had some good news. Nothing like going out and buying some new undies either (and VS stuff is gorgeous, i love going to the stores every time we go to the USA. GORGEOUS!!!) I am sure DH will be very appreciative and will make your spirits lift too! Sending you heaps of luck! (and fun...wink wink!)
Katie - are you out there? thnking of you! Hope all is still going strong! i'll check the other forums and see if you have been there instead and get the update hopefully!
Barbara - sending you loads of luck too!

take care everyone! heres to some more BFP's!!!!!!!
xxx

[Katiegirl]

Hi Everyone. I have been a bit missing in action. Firstly

Simba - can't wait to hear how far along you are. What a bonus it would be if you are already 6 weeks!

TM - so happy to hear that you had good news from your FS. Good luck with TTCing this week, fingers crossed it is your turn for a bfp.

Jo - glad to hear that you will finally have your own space. I can not imagine how hard it must be to not be able to grieve whenever and wherever you want. You have done amazingly well to cope the way you have. Your new home will feel extra special because of the lack of privacy you have had to endure.

Barbara - hope all is well with you.

Okay - so with the brown discharge as I mentioned it stopped on Saturday. I called my Ob yesterday morning when i returned to Melbourne. He told me that he wanted me to get a scan straight away. He did say that he thought it would show that there was not a problem but it was better to check. Luckily DH was home so I did not have to go through this alone. I managed to get a 3:30 appointment. Being told to have a scan meant that we both started imagining the worst, but I decided that this baby deserved to be trusted and believed in - if that makes sense. The 4 hour wait was excrutiating. DH was very upset, mainly because the last ultrasound we had was bad news. So we were both nervous and anxious and I was praying non-stop. Well - to cut a long story short....it is all good news. We saw the heartbeat - it is amazing to think at 6 weeks we can already see the heart beating away. It was quite emotional for us both. The dr who did the scan was not very communicative and it took him ages to say that he saw the heartbeat. I am now feeling a lot better about things. So I am now moving forward with hope in my heart.

Thanks for all your lovely and encouraging thoughts. I have no idea how I would cope without you all.

[Simba]

hi all, sounds like everyone is in good spirits today - some days are just better than others hey!

i had a bit of a s**t day at work - the assistant principal basically yelled at us in a staff meeting as if we were 5 years old. i am all really over it am pretty sure i am going to finish work at the end of June and then just do some part time replacement teacher work- just dont need the stress.

my ob didnt get the blood test results today so will have to wait till tomorrow. have been feeling symptoms though which i guess are a good sign - sore bb's mainly as well as kind of a stretching feeling in my abdomen (not cramping though so not worried)

my ob just rang then to say he had the results and all good the hcg results probably indicate around 4 -5 weeks which i expected so he wants me to have a us in about 1 -2 weeks. how nice that he rang at 8.30 at night knowing that i would probably get a better sleep knowing. he is a real gem. he has been so good through it all - even came to the funeral which meant so much.

sorry no time for personals but am thinking of you all and sending you all lots of

thanks all my wonderful cyber friends - i am so lucky to have you

[Simba]

just wanted to wish you all a happy easter - hope that you all have a restful break. dh and i are going camping for the easter break and will be back monday night so will catch up with you all then.

take care,
sim xox

[jo76]

hey all!

had a s##tty day with dealing with banks today and our settlement on tuesday. They got it so wrong with dates etc, yet there was me running around crazy trying to tie up the loose ends. All is good now and by 2.30 tuesday the house SHOULD be ours! HOORAY!!!! And after this I am never moving again!!!! lol!

katie- so glad that all is ok with you! was getting a bit worried so i am really happy you got to hear bubs heartbeat - must have really put your mind at ease also! Its amazing what ultrasounds can pick up now...
simba -have a great camping trip - we thought about it but since so much is happening next week with us moving it was probably best to have a veg weekend at home.
tm and barbara - hope you guys are ok!

have a fab easter everyone! enjoy the long weekend!
xxx

[Anthonysmom]

Jo - Tuesday will be here before you know it.

SImba - Big congrats to you. Glad to hear all is going well

Katie - I remember hearing the heartbeat for the first time. It is magical.

TM - Love the poem. good luck this month

Well I have had a busy day off. Spent the day looking for tile and then putting it up in the kitchen. My period is due in a couple of days. I actually got my hopes up a bit today, even though my temp dipped just a bit this morning. I was nauseas a lot today. Plus with all the work in the kitchen I started to get faint a few times. I remember feeling that way with Anthony when I didn't eat enough. SO I gave in and tested once DH and my uncle left for dinner. Well I went in POAS and when I wiped I saw just a faint little hint of red on the toiler paper. Well I was devasted. needless to say I got a BFN. I expect AF to be here tomorrow. The only hope I cling to is that it may be a bit early 10 DPO and I also had some bleeding with Anthony around day 27/8 of my cycle too. But this time I think its different. I think the BFN is here to stay. I am in tears. This was my last chance to be pregnant beofre ANthony's due date, which is in 2 weeks and I am struggling with.

Barbara

[Anthonysmom]

Its official. I'm out. AF came this morning. I won't be pregnant for Anthony's due date (april 6). I know we have only been trying a few months but I am devastated. hope you ladies are doing better than me.

Barbara

[tempus moriendi]

Barbara, I'm so sorry. I know how much you wanted it. Sending cyberhug.

[jo76]

barbara -
I am so so sorry - i know how you feel getting it, as that was me last month. And no doubt this month as my body just seems so screwed up at the moment. I'm not sure if mine will come on the 25th as "normal" (and i say that lightly) or the
5th when it actually decided to come!
I am sending you loads of hugs all the way from Aust and really want to make sure that although this is huge for you that you don't give up hope!
xxxx
(i am trying to get those damn symbols up but their computer is giving me issues!!!! )

[Anthonysmom]

Ok now I am really starting to lose it. I have been temping for a few months now. I got AF on Saturday morning,but my temp has yet to drop. It dipped just slightly (still .35 degrees F) above coverline. And this morning it actually went up .1 degrees. I even slept without covers last night to make sure that wasn't effecting my temp. I am praying I don't have any hormone problems. I can't take anymore problems. I am so happy for Katie and Simba and now I heard my cousin may be pregnant after a year of trying and a m/c and needing assisted conception, but with every BFP that is not mine, I get more and more depressed.

Barbara

[tempus moriendi]

I started the progesterone pills yesterday, and so far, no side effects. I'm keeping my fingers crossed and hoping/praying for a BFP.

Anthonysmom: what you're describing is "irregular shedding" ie your temp drops before or after the day you start bleeding. Let me ask you--are you full flow yet?