Trying to Conceive after Late Loss, Still Birth or Recurrent Miscarriage Feb/March 08

[Simba]

Barbara - thinking of you today :hugs:

TM - sorry that AF arrived - good luck for this month.

jo - glad that you are settled in your new place but sorry that you are having a few moments with DH. my dh has said something similar about dealing with it and moving on - it hurt me a lot too when he said it. i have come to accept that we are different and i really do think that men in general feel this grief at a different level than women. fingers crossed for your imacuate conception!

snowie - welcome and sorry for your losses. you are more than welcome here. we have all had different journeys but we all still feel the same pain. i know initially i didnt really feel like i fitted anywhere - i didnt have a m/c and didnt have a stillborn, i dont have any fertility issues as such so where did i fit?? i guess as i continued to post i learnt that we all "dont fit" but that's what makes us all belong if that makes sense. we all desperatly want a child but know all too well the pain of loosing one (or more) so please feel free to share as little or as much as you want we will all be here to listen and understand.


katie - good on you for a lazy weekend! 9 weeks, congratulations! i bet you cant wait for the 12 week scan. you must get a ticker then - i am going to get one next weekend after i have my scan on sat morning then i will know my dates. i am preparing myself for them saying it is 8 weeks but would be great if they said 9 or 10.

take care all..

wish me luck for going back to work tomorrow - i am really dreading it.

[jo76]

I have just done a test and it has a faint double line!I am slightly freaked out!But a little hesitant as well as i have only done this one and i don't have the strength of heart to completely believe it is true just yet.
I went to my psychic today and she did my tarot cards and the baby card came up. She started saying how she could see a baby coming soon and i was surrounded by pink. (but she was'nt sure if it was an effemiate {sp} boy) So she starts going through the months of the year and says that she sees a baby in my arms either at the end of the year or the first couple of months of next year. And she said could you be pregnant and i said no, i'm late but there is no way my body is screwed up etc etc. she said do a test, if there is no baby there will be soon.
Then as i was leaving she said do a test and call me!
So I am thinking no way, no way and then it got the better of me and i bought one and then
so what the hell am I meant to think especially since I have eaten so badly for the last month? i hope that all is ok if this really is a baby!
arghhhhh!

[Mel1977]

OMG congratulations Jo Gave me goose bumps about the psychic... where are you in Melbourne or should I say where is she? I need a good one and have been looking so a recommendation would be great LOL. Sending lots of and your way.

Oh and dont feel bad about your eating over the last little while, if you are pregnant your body is obviously getting enough goodness to look after the little one.

[Katiegirl]

Jo - congratulations!!! I got such a thrill when I saw the BFPs come up under your name. I really had a feeling about you this month...so maybe I am psychic as well. I am so happy for you. Will you test again or just go to the dr to confirm?

Also if you are interested, there a couple of support groups in Melb for people who are pregnant after a loss. Sids and Kids run one as do Frances Perry (not sure if you need to be registered there though). So if you feel you need that kind of support it may be worth looking into. I certainly know that I am looking at all means possible to learn to relax - starting a meditation course on Wed - will probably fall asleep though given my tiredness.

Take care and can't wait for another update.

[jo76]

thx Mel and Katie for your super quick responses!
I woke up early and did another test this morning and there was still 2 lines coming up. I rang my doc surgery yesterday to see when i could get in around my days off and I can't get in to see the doc i want until next friday. (i want to see the one who initially referred me onto THAT ultrasound!I feel like she may be more sympathetic to anything i am feeling by that stage as she was amazing the day we found out Jack had died.) So i feel ok about that as I will do another the morning i am meant to go and i feel if this bubs wants to stick the lines should be well and truely jumping out at her by then. I don't want to tell Dh until I have seen the doc as i want to have it confirmed by her before I get anyone elses hopes up. So you guys are a part of a very special secret!
I could'nt sleep properly last night as it was all i could think of so wish me luck at work today.
katie - I think i will def look into a support group as i think my mind will over exaggerate every minor thing. My psychic said there may be spotting but don't worry as it will all be ok. She also said she could see the baby i lostwith a blood condition and a cancer link so she was'nt sure if there was a cancer linked to blood somehow. (i have no idea)She said the baby would have got really sick around 18mths and would've died at approx 3 years and all she could see us doing was going back and forward to the hospital. She said that our baby did us a favour and saved us from further heartache. In the reading i had right after Jack died she said she could see a young child (not a baby) with my nan who has passed. (she said it was a elderly female from my mums side = my nan) so the ages tie in.
MEL - She is out in the south east suburbs. I have seen psychics since i was 16 and have been to this one 3 times. She does tarot, answers questions and reads photos. She is $60 for an hour. Let me know if you want her number.

Hope everyone is ok!
Barbara - still thinking of you and hope sunday was ok and you had some support around you!
xxx

[Simba]

jo - that is the most wonderful news!! i am so excited for you. i just popped on to have a quick catch up and wasnt going to post but saw your news and just had to! i was having a really sad moment so you cheered me up so much, thanks! i cant believe you can keep it a secret from your dh i am so bad at keeping it a secret - i have told quite a few friends as well as my sister and dh thinks i havent told anyone - we planned to wait till the scan this sat but girls need to talk! on the bad food issue i wouldnt worry. my ob said to me last time that your baby takes everything it needs from you so it wont miss out its just that your body might which is fine because now obviously you can make up for it. take care of yourself and look forward to maybe meeting you at one of the support groups down the track that katie mentioned.

hi to everyone else - i'm off to the gym - i so planned to get fit again before i got preg again but i hast quite happened!! but i will take it easy i promise.

[tempus moriendi]

*sigh* just started clomid again this month. But I won't have to go to the doc for so many tests, so that's a positive.

Katiegirl: still praying and keeping fingers crossed.

jo76: personally, I'd trust the test over the tarot card reader LOL! Congratulations and I'll keep you in my prayers!

[Anthonysmom]

Just a quick drop in to congratulate Jo! I am so excited for you!


Barbara

[tempus moriendi]

Just need to navel-gaze for a moment.

I finally realized why I've been so out-of-sorts this past week and it's more than just a BFN. I've always thought of myself as very healthy, I'm active and have a job and a house. But with my miscarriages and hormone problems and having to see a fertility specialist, I feel like I've changed from "Very Healthy" to "Person Who Needs Treatments". I know from my nurse's training that change in personal image is very stressful and needs a period of psychological adjustment. I guess I'm just so used to giving care, not receiving it.

[Katiegirl]

TM - I understand completely what you mean. I never for a moment imagined I would be somone who would fall into the 'high risk' pregnancy category, and I still find it hard to believe sometimes that it has happened. After the MC, I had so many tests done and was given so many supplements, that I started to imagine that I was going to have problems conceiving. That was so upsetting to me. It is very difficult to have to see yourself in a different light, but you need to take comfort from the fact that through all of this you remain a very strong, positive and supportive person. Big hug to you and I hope that you start to feel a bit better over the coming weeks.

[Simba]

hi TM - just wanted to send you a hug you seem to be having such a tough time and i wish there was more that i can do. i wont say i can relate because i cant at least with the fertility issues but only on a small level i can relate in the sense that life doenst always go to plan which i find i am still having trouble coming to terms with. take care of yourself.

Barbara - hope that you are doing ok.

Jo - cant wait to hear how you are going? hope all is well.

i had my scan yesterday and saw the little heart beating away. am only 7 wks 5 days which means i found out 3 wks and 4 days. didnt think that was possible to find out that early but guess you can. have been having a bit of m/s mainly in the morning and at night but am doing ok.

anyway hope everyone is doing well

sim
x

[Anthonysmom]

Simba - congrats on the heartbeat. it is a magical sound.

katie - you are right we are all different now. you not having problems conceiving gives me hope. can't wait to hear about your next u/s.

TM - big hugsto you. we have all changed, and not in a good way. i always felt pretty healthy and very responsible. I got my college degree first, secured a good job, bought a home, got married, and then decided to have a baby. well we can only control so much. at work i hear about teenage moms, and drug addicted babies all the time and it is very disheartening. but Katie is right we are strong women and our time will come.

Jo - ghows it going any new news?

well today is a busy day. we have a mass for Anthony in 2 hours. Last week was his due date but the church was booked. then this evening the hospital i delivered in is having a sunset service for him. 2 in one day, i will be a mess. wish me luck.

Barbara

[tempus moriendi]

Thanks for the encouragement ladies. I'm so grateful for this site!

Anthonysmom: I'll be thinking about you at Mass today. Sending cyberhug.

[Katiegirl]

Barbara - I will be thinking of you today as well. I think it is wonderful that the hospital is having a service. Whilst it will be emotionaly for you, it is also a beautiful way for Anthony to be remembered. Take care.

I am so nervous about my u/s. I find during the days that lead up to the scans, I get very nervous and start thinking the worst. I know it is not helping me, but it is so hard to control my thoughts sometimes. I am praying so hard that all will be ok.

Simba - you mentioned in the PAL thread that you were annoyed with some reactions from relatives about your pregnancy. I understand that 100%. We have only told a handful of people, and when we told them we stressed that this is a very emotional and stressful time, so whilst we are excited we are not ready for people to make a fuss about us. I think a lot of people view our pregnancies as a 'cure' for our losses. We know that there is never a cure, but I guess it makes people feel more comfortable to think we are now 'ok'. I am nervous about telling more people as I know I will get that 'good now everything is ok' reaction from some people. It will be the same people who have asked me if the dr has given me the ok to start TTCing again - what a personal question!!!

Okay that is my rant.

TM - I am glad that you find encouragement here. I know that I should probably move out of this thread, but I really like being here with all of you. I would rather we all move through this journey together.

Jo - did you get to the dr this week? Or is it this coming Friday? I can't believe you are able to keep it from your DH! I would be so obvious that my DH would guess. I am hopeless with that sort of stuff.

[Hammi]

Hello everybody.You may have seen my post elsewhere that I recently lost my 22wk old baby boy. It's only been six days so I'm on a massive rollercoaster of emotions I didn't know I was capable of having. I'm sure you know all about it since I've just read through this thread and seen in your signatures that what happened to me was not unique at all. Although, until now, I thought it was. I really thought the 12wk mark was the 'safe' milestone.

I'm not TTC but it's inspiring to see in this thread that there is life after the devastation of a stillbirth / late loss and all these BFP really give me hope.

Although I'm not TTC, I really would like to think that I will one day hold a live baby in my arms. Can I ask when you all started TTC, especially the ladies who lost their babies around the same gestation as mine?

A bit about me, I'm married, 31 and living in Sydney. My two angel babies are my only children... so far.

[Simba]

oh Hammi so sorry to hear about your loss. i read your story and it is so terribly sad. i am so glad that you got to hold your dear Hamish and got to see all his beautiful features. although painful to do from my experience those are the precious memories that will remain with you always and you will remember him for how perfect and beautiful he looked. do all the things you need to do to remember you little boy. i have a memories box were i have put all of Lani's special things, although sad to put them all away it is nice to know that they are all kept safe and there to look at whenever i need them. i still talk to her a lot too - i find it comforting to know that she is out there somewhere listening to me.

about ttc we were adamant that we wanted to try again straight away. even while lani was still alive we talked about it. there was just such a drive in us to be parents - for us it was impossible to switch that off. as i had a c/s we had to wait a few months before we could ttc but then we were lucky and got pg the first month of ttc. everyone is different though so do what you feel is right. i am now 8 weeks pg and riding the next rollercoaster, not sure how i will ever make it though to november but hopefully my little angel will help me through.

take care of yourself hon and know that we will all be here for you whenever you need.

big hugs

sim
x

[Katiegirl]

Hammi - I am sorry to hear about your loss. I read your story as well. As you can tell me have all gone through similar experiences and are all here to help each other through the rough patches. The loss of Hamish is still so recent, so I am sure that you are finding day to day things to be difficult. It was often the little things - like having to walk into a cafe where the staff knew I had been pregnant and having them ask when I was due - that are the hardest to deal with. Please know we are all here to support you and share your pain. Like Simba, I also have a box with Nathaniel's things - I had a D&C so never held my boy but I hold him in my heart. We have his ashes and some clothing and ultrasound photos as well as the cards people sent in the box. It is important to us and we know we will always keep it close. I found out at 20 week scan that Nathaniel had passed, in fact this has happened at 15 weeks so was a missed miscarriage. Like you, this was our first child as well.

We also wanted to try to TTC straight away but did not start properly due to bleeding etc until Jan. We then fell pregnant 2nd cycle. My ob wanted me to wait until we had all test results back but as it turns out I was already pregnant. Luckily all the tests came back negative. As to when you start TTCing really is a very personal decision that you will make when you feel ready.

I had been seeing a naturopath since early Jan so I felt that I was looking after myself. I personally found that making arrangements - things like seeing a naturopath, booking a new ob etc, really helped me in the early days to find some positive things. I found helping myself gave me a little lift out of the darkness. I also see that you are in Melb - I have found that SIDS and Kids have been wonderful. They offer a service for people who had losses from 20 weeks onwards. We have had a counsellor come to our house, and also go to their support groups. You might find this useful - but just a suggestion.

As for me, I have another scan tomorrow - i am 10.5 weeks. I am scared as per usual - scans whilst offering reassurance also terrify me. Catch 22. Hopefully I will have some good news tomorrow afternoon. I am also finding that I am emotional as next Wed is Nathaniel's EDD. We have plans in place for remembering him, but I know it will be an emotional day. I think I am finding it hard to seperate my feelings of grief for Nathaniel, and my feelings of anxiety around this pregnancy.

Anyway that is me. Hope you are all well. to everyone.

[tempus moriendi]

Katiegirl: will be praying for you about your U/S. And don't even think about abandoning us! Like I've said, the preg ladies are inspirational

Hammi: I'm so sorry to have to welcome you to this thread. I'll keep you in my prayers and sending a cyberhug.

AFM, I have an appointment with FS tomorrow to do some mid-cycle blood works. Hope everybody else is good.