hi guys!
where do i start!
Tildy -i agree with you...my feelings towards people in here and getting pregnant are so different to those outside it. The friend that i have gotton quite upset over seeing her pregnant belly - she will be my reminder of what i have lost a 2nd time. And i want to be happy for her because she did lose a baby at 10 weeks when i lost Jack but right now my emotions over losing Jack and Madison for no apparent reason,are blurring that line. And i feel, angry, guilty upset and all those things you guys have mentioned. But then a reg customer came in the other day who i love seeing and she had a belly and i had no idea she was preg! (go figure how we missed that topic of conversation!) She had 19 days to go and i was so genuinely excited for her. So on the one hand i am avoiding one persons belly and on the other inviting someone back in to show their baby! I also had thurs and fri my manager gushing about her sister just having her baby... even grabbing her mobile phone to proudly show me a photo. And asking advice on what sort of baby presie to buy. It took everything i had to fight back the tears and pretend to share in her excitment. I felt gutted! All i wanted to do was tell her to stop talking about her (the baby was a girl) and i could'nt. She was amazingly supportive with both angel babies but i don't think for a second in her excitment knew how devastating it was to keep talking about it in detail. It was another one of those moments where we place ourselves / emotions aside to be there for others.
Ems 4th b'day party is tomorrow so i will be seeing my MIL like i said, for the first time since i lost Madison. I REALLY hope she does'nt bring anything up.She cares but does'nt think about appropriateness enough! we already had a bad day involving my BIL & SIL as they did'nt recieve their invite to ems party and dan told them it was sunday etc. I wrote them an email and accidently wrote the wrong date (sats date) but in their reply they wrote see you sunday etc and i wrote back see you sunday again also. We got an angry phone call 10.30 this morning going where are you as they were there. they said you told us sunday 11th and dan said yes, sunday and they said but its the 11th today and dan said you knew it was on the sunday. So they basically hung up on him and said to enjoy our day sunday as they "had other plans". GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! So in my horrible emotional state this week i screwed up and boy will we hear about it going forward!
The kids asked today if i could bring home a "big baby". I asked what they meant and josh just said "you know, a big baby". I said do you want mum to have another baby and they both said yes. So obviously their brother and sister are still very much in their thoughts, more than i realise!
anyway - i am quite happy we have all had some selfish posts! we need them sometimes! its a good healthy release! I am forever grateful for stumbling across this site and meeting you girls!Thankfully we CAN say whatever we want and always feel supported!
take care all you preggo girls!
to us preggo-to-bes -take care too!
x jo