Lynn - Welcome to BB :hugs: I remember reading your thread about Cooper and posted to say how sorry I am and that I hope you can find support here. I am so glad you have found your way to this thread, the ladies here have been unbelievably supportive and caring and really have helped me get through. If you read back over the threads you will see that what you are feeling is completely normal, guilt is a natural feeling and I know I struggled with that early on but as time has gone by I realise that Nicholas knows he can never be replaced and he will always be my special boy. Cooper knows he will always be your special boy and I believe that all he wants for you and his daddy is that you are happy because he loves you and is watching over you. I personally have decided (probably just to make myself feel better, lol) that it shows a strong person to go through something like we have and pick ourselves up and go down that TTC road because it is absolutely terrifying. I wish you all the best in this journey and if you have any concerns, no matter how silly you think they are (I know I have often thought mine are silly) just let it out here cause everyone will understand you. I wish you all the best for 2007 and send lots of you way.
Kirsty - How did you go at your appointment yesterday? Thinking of you.
Bec - Knowing Mark has helped bring Eliza into your world safely gives me so much hope that I am on the right track now. For the last couple of days I have just felt overwhelmed with what-ifs, what if I hadn't changed obs? what if I had another baby without knowing the problem? would the baby have died like Nicholas? It is driving me nuts, but I am really trying to put the what-ifs out of my head, all I am trying to think is thank-god! And about your photos, you don't have to feel bad about not showing photos to MIL, she may well be disappointed but I am sure she understands, she knows its something deep and personal. You may feel like showing them one day, but also if you don't ever sobeit.
Nat - From what my mum tells me I think your right about that whole guilt thing from the day you conceive. After telling my mum the other day they found that blood disorder, first of all she was happy that I had some answers, but then she started worrying thinking the disorder was something that she had done wrong while she was pregnant with me. Personally, I have been wondering if its something I have done... maybe I shouldn't have smoked that pot back in high school, lol. And, don't feel sensitive about your neighbour I think anyone would have felt the way you did, but all the same don't let it bother you it's an ignorant comment that doesn't deserve you time and thoughts.
Tish - I hadn't had a recommendation to not conceive linking a birth with Nicholas birthday, but I have to admit I did decide on my own to avoid that. While I think I would still be happy and if it happened to work out that way it would be ok, I would probably not plan it that way because I keep thinking that first birthday is going to be really tough and I guess its gonna mess up your mind trying to be sad and happy all in one.
Clare - Still thinking of you and wondering how your going.
Anyway, as for me I did a test this morning and it was negative AF is due on Monday so I am pretty sure I would get a positive by now. I guess its not a bad thing cause of finding out I need to be vaccinated against chicken pox (anyone would think I was 2, lol), cause if I am not pregnant I can go get that sorted out. But I am kind of thinking I don't really want to wait the 6-8 week I would have to after the vaccination. Today is Nicholas 4 month anniversary/birthday and I was sort of hoping to get a cause it's a sad day and it would give me something to be happy about. It seems to be taking forever and I don't know why I am not falling pregnant, it happened so easily (so easy I didn't try) with Nicholas. I dunno, maybe I have to go an do some good deeds so that my luck comes around.
Hope you are well and enjoying this stinking hot weather (well it is in Melbourne anyway). Going to Eastern Beach for a walk (and ice-cream, lol) tonight after we have dinner at in-laws, so that will be nice. Well if I don't hear from anyone I hope you all have a great weekend.
Love Mel
P.S. I think I should be crowned Queen Of Long Posts, lol
Last edited by Mel1977; January 5th, 2007 at 11:49 AM.
: to add PS
Hi Girls
Sorry I haven't been in to visit, but I have my mother staying with me and she is taking up most of my time, she also doesn't know I am prgnant so I have to be very deceitful. I have just spent the last half hour catching up on all the posts, geez you girls can write some long ones
Firstly Mel, your new Ob sounds wonderful, I am sure you must have some comfort knowing you have such a positive ob looking after you. I know what you mean about the guilt, I truely thought I had caused Max's death by DTD the day before I started bleeding, I also remember telling Craig after all the problems we had that I didn't want the baby anymore, I wished I could take that back instantly but I know now it had nothing to do with it. I have my fingers crossed for a real soon.
Deb I hope you are enjoying your holidays, sounds absolutely wonderful.
Lynn, I am so sorry to hear about your darling Cooper, I am sure he would want you to try for another baby as soon as you are ready. I felt funny trying again straight away too, and we were advised to wait a couple of cycles but I believed it wouldn't happen until it was supposed too anyway. Welcome is not really the right word, but you will find some tremendous support in here, and just telling your story will help others too. Big hugs to you.
Just a quick update on me, I keep waking up with feelings of dread. I can't shift this thought that something is wrong and then last night I had a dream that I started bleeding so that didn't help. But today I have woken with the worst case of all day sickness, and believe me I am ecstatic! The GP asked if I wanted something for it, NO THANKYOU, I will grin (from ear to ear) and bear it. First dating scan being done in a fortnight so fingers crossed for a heartbeat.
Love to you all, smoochy kisses *MWAH*
Clare x
p.s Oh I finally told Craig. It was the middle of the night and I thought I really should tell him. lol I was trying to hold off as long as possible but only lasted 3 days.
you way.
AF is due on Monday so I am pretty sure I would get a positive by now. I guess its not a bad thing cause of finding out I need to be vaccinated against chicken pox (anyone would think I was 2, lol), cause if I am not pregnant I can go get that sorted out. But I am kind of thinking I don't really want to wait the 6-8 week I would have to after the vaccination. Today is Nicholas 4 month anniversary/birthday and I was sort of hoping to get a
cause it's a sad day and it would give me something to be happy about. It seems to be taking forever and I don't know why I am not falling pregnant, it happened so easily (so easy I didn't try) with Nicholas. I dunno, maybe I have to go an do some good deeds so that my luck comes around.
Bookmarks