That is excellent that you have got in Mel and that your DH is going with you. Drop in and let us know how you go.

Dream - everybody deserves a second, or third or fourth chance and you do too. You deserve another child just like the rest of us deserve a child. I have only lost one child and that was so late in the pregnancy when you think you are nearly there and think that nothing can happen. Carrying Cooper nearly to term and then losing him is heartbreaking, feeling those kicks and punches and then............nothing. Whether you have felt the kicks or not you are still a mummy and it doesn't matter when you lose a child it is still painful. All the hopes and dreams you have for that baby are gone. I had hopes and dreams for Cooper before he was even conceived. You have lost 13 babies and I just can't imagine the pain that you feel. I have lost one baby and I couldn't imagine going through this nightmare again. You are so strong and need to stay strong and I wish you all the best in being a fabulous mummy soon to your second earth baby.

Spring - I hope you got through all the packing ok. I have been thinking about you. I remember when I lost Cooper and I told DH to get rid of everything in the nursery - cot, change table, pram, clothes. But then I realised that our second child would have gotten these things anyway, it just will be a little sooner than expected. You will be able to set up your new nursery when you get to Sydney and hopefully a new city and new baby. I think men try to be strong. I know my DH tries to be strong for me but he has his low days too. I have come to realise that we all grieve differently and that is ok. I think I know the song you are talking about, is it by Puff Daddy? That is a very sad song and hits you straight in the heart.

Bailey - sorry I am unable to offer you advice as I didn't have a caesar. I hope you get the results you are wanting today - good luck.

Well I am trying to design Cooper's garden. I didn't think it would be this hard. I guess I just want it to be perfect. I need to go out to a garden centre and talk to someone but I just can't go out of the house today. I realised yesterday while talking to my counsellor that I find it hard to leave the house because it feels like I am leaving Cooper behind. Because I have his ashes at home in his cot, it is like he is here and when I go out I forget to take him with me. I know that he will always be in my heart and dreams but just having him at home makes it feel like he is actually here........just sleeping a lot in his cot.

I thought each day was supposed to get easier..................each day that goes by I miss him more and more and it just hurts so much.