Mel - I didn't see Asha let alone hold her. I just couldn't. My first reaction when I knew she had died was to almost just want her out and pretend that she didn't exist, as horrible as that sounds. After a few hours when it had sunk in, I couldn't see her because I knew I would never be able to let her go:frown: My DP was actually away when we found out she had passed, and wasn't due back home until the next morning, by which time she had already been delivered by cesarean. He went and spent some time with her, which I am so glad he did as I feel he did it for the both of us when I wasn't strong enough. I am just telling you this because I want you to know that you made the right decision to spend time with your Nicholas, you really did. As hard as it is now to remember him like that, you will one day cherish those memories I am sure. We all grieve and deal with things differently, and for me, at this point, I still feel like I did the right thing for me at the time, but I still at times regret not seeing her and spending time with her and I am scared that one day I will really wish that I had. But as I said, I have to keep telling myself it was the right thing for me at the time. I am so glad that the hospital took some pictures and hand and foot prints for me, because I look at them all the time.

Jo - I can see what you mean about not being able to see your babies. Maybe looking at your little miracle Brigid will give you a little hint of what they would have been like. And she is so cute by the way I just checked her out in your pics