Beata - oh my darling. I will light a candle for your furbaby and for your aching heart. I know what its like to have someone you love so completely die in your arms. You gave your beautiful furbaby the most wonderful gift of being loved so completely when she needed it the most. Well done, that is an amazing gift, and don't underestimate it. Her angel will never be far away, ad she will protect and guide you. I don't think badly of you! OMG though, I am so amazed and proud of you that your hossy date is here. On my friend, I am crying for you, both tears of sadness and happiness.

Gigi1 - I am so proud of you, both for just being a star at the shower and also for behaving in a way that you're not so proud of. I am proud of you that you let loose and also that you're thinking about it now. Why should we who have suffered so much, always be polite and not vent if we need to? Sad thing is, the message was missed on your bro. But I still say good for you. I am hoping one day I will be able to do that. Weird, I know to aspire to something like that, but I just think there's something in that. Good luck with the appointment. I can live in suspense. It will do me some good to learn some patience.

Crumpet - thankyou. One of the "schools" is the ob who has been with me the whole way through my journey of losses and whose opinion I respect, and the other "school" is a second opinion I sought from an obstetrician who specialises in high risk pgs. I have also in my journey seen some other obs who have also offered their opinions, some of whom I respect, the majority of which seem to be "to stitch". At first I was inclined to just get a stitch because it was something I hadn't tried. But now, I am not so sure. My ob says he has patients who have had stitches and had successful pgs. I think I am just a conundrum.

Blessed - never underestimate what you and DP have been through. It's hard, and sometimes I think we all forget the hidden effects of bereavement. You are both strong and you will both work on this in your own ways. Glad you didn't move out. The best place to work on your rel, is when you are together. I think well done to your DP for at least agreeing he'd try counselling. That is pretty big. I hope with the help of someone else, you can mend those communication bridges. My BB sister comradre side says I want to agree with you and say DP has to change, but the other part of me, says relationships are complex and it takes two, and maybe you both need to think about things differently in order to bloom again. I learnt that from my own experiences. I used to think DH needed to be the one that changed, he was the one who wronged me etc, and then I realised, I had so little control over that, but what I did have control over was me. I went through the things I thought he needed to change and really assessed what was important to me, and whether I could change the way I thought or felt about them or reacted to them. Still a work in progress, but I am much happier. DH seemed to respond to me better and was more willing to think about change. I love my DH,and he has been my rock, but when it comes to his feelings and thoughts, they are not really something he thinks about or if he does, he can't answer questions about them. I asked him yesterday if he thought about our babies. It wasn't an argument or anything, and he said yes. When I asked in what ways, he couldn't answer. Even when I prompted him, about when they were growing or born or died or what might have been? Other days when I ask a question he can give a fuller response. If I let it, it would upset me, but I have to realise that's just him. His talents lay in other areas. I just realised, I truly adore that man.

I suppose what I am trying to say, is please don't go into counseling thinking it's DP that has to change, because unless your counselor is good, that's a very steep road to climb to recovery. If you can, try and have an open mind.

I guess you're hurting and I am not saying in any way your pain should be minimised or isn't valid.

Really, all these words I am typing? I am trying to tell you that I want the best for you and DP, and I really hope it works out.... I just can't help trying to give advice

Oh I found or maybe even rediscovered your blog, so I have book marked it and hopefully I can still keep up with you via your blog. Take care my friend.

Samcougar - sorry, but I LOVE your can do attitude. Go get them girl.

AFM - worried I might be coming down with gastro. Seem to have the squirts, and felt a little sick last night. But I can't stop it, only can take care of myself. I am just hoping its my IBS playing up, which I actually suspect it is. Time will tell.