TTC after Recurrent Miscarriage/Stillbirth or Loss after 1st trimester ~ December 07

[Katiegirl]

Hi Everyone. Last night was fun - met the hairdresser and got to say goodbye to her the first time I met her! And yes Jo, his maintenance really only extends to his hair which he keeps short but is particular about! It was lovely to catch up with a few other people and DH appreciated me coming along. Today is his actual birthday (even though he had his part some weeks ago) so I have been spoiling him today.

Simba - feel free to join us. I would appreciate you telling us your story. We found out at 20 week scan that our baby Nathaniel had passed at 15 weeks. Due to the amount of time that had passed, I had to have a D&C which was incredibly awful but also physically numbing. I came out feeling empty and of course was never able to hold my baby Nathaniel. We do have the DVD from the 12 week scan but I have still not been able to watch it yet. We had Nathaniel cremated and have his ashes in a memorial box with his other items. I am very protective of the memorial box and only our mothers have had the privilege of looking at it. I would allow my sisters as they understand but both live in other cities.

So that is my story. I am very sorry for your loss and hope you find comfort and support here. I can not even begin to express how much this site has helped me in my grieving.

TM, I hope you and your family are coping as best as you can?

Barbara, how is the renovations coming? Are you working on them again this weekend? Are you still in the 2WW? I have about 6 days until AF is due. I am certain that it is on its way and trying hard not to get down about it.

[Anthonysmom]

Hi ladies - sorry no personals right now. I am not quite up for them. My temp took a big dip this morning. AF shoul db here tomorrow. I really thought she might stay away. We got pregnant with Anthony so quickly that I thought it would happen again just that fast. I know it is naive, I was just hoping. Part of it is I wanted to be pregnant for his due dat which is soon, April 6. I thought it would help with the pain. I have one more cycle to get pregnant before his due date. Also if I was pregnant this month then the baby would be due in November. That is when ANthony was born and thought it would make November a happier month. sorry about the ranting, i'm just pi$$ed and sad and then I feel guilty. Oh and the OB called yesterday. She said that one of my test results came back saying I have MTHFR Gene. This can cause m/c. great. now I have to take baby aspirin and extra follic acid. So now I am depressed b/c I am back on the "it was my body that failed him". alright enough ranting. back to renovating my bathroom.

Barbara

[Simba]

hi ladies,

thanks for all the welcomes.

ok so heres my story... after a dream pregnancy i went into labour 3 days after EDD. laboured at home for 10 hours and then went to hospital. as soon as we got there they found bub was in distress so then had an emergency c/s. she came out not really breathing and was covered inside and out with meconium which had been caused by a knot in her cord. NETS came and stabilised her and cooled her core temp to 33 deg. (helps stop futher brain and organ damage) after 4 hours i got to see her for the 1st time briefly as they were taking her to new hospital with an NICU. after the longest night of our lives we were transfered to same hospital to be with Lani. i was expressing milk 4 her and each day the signs looked good however on the 5th day when they started to warm her she didnt have all the normal responses and the brain had been severly damaged. she could however breath on her own so we could take her off all the machines and hold her for the 1st time (something every mum wants to do but for us it was mixed as we knew that it meant that she wasnt going to make it) we were told she couldnt feel pain or hunger and so we "chose" to stop feeding her (the hardest choice i will ever make in my life) we then moved to "Very Special Kids" where we could live in a house with Lani - be a family, have people (and our dog) visit, go for walks, give her baths, take millions of photos etc.. these lat 12 days were amazing (she opened her eyes and made lots of little sounds) but also sad as we were watching her get skinny and then eventually pass away in our arms. from then - planning a funeral, getting a new job and all the while already hoping for a little brother or sister for lani.

so thats me - i could probably go on forever but i am sure this is enough for one post - sorry its so long (not sure if there is rule about how long they can be??)

[tempus moriendi]

Simba: of course you can join. I'm so sorry for your pain and I'll keep you in my prayers. We've all had different experiences, but what we all have in common is the pain of loss. That's how we can support each other.

jo76: thanks, yeah, we're hanging in there.
But hey, there's nothing wrong with a nice quiet evening at home. We'll be celebrating a late Valentines day next month by putting the kids to bed early and renting a moving and ordering food.

Katiegirl: glad you had some fun--you really needed some.

Anthonysmom: sending cyberhug--sounds like you really need one

[Katiegirl]

Simba thank you for sharing Lani's story. I am very sorry for your loss and I am hope you find support here.

Barbara - sorry that AF is on its way. And I hope they will be able to help give you some more answers on how to control your gene (which I can't remember what it was - too many letters sorry). I understand your frustration with AF, we also had no problems conceiving Nathaniel and I just think it will be too cruel if after losing our babies we then have to suffer the trials of TTCing for months. I just hope that both of our cycles have not been affected to greatly and that we will be back on track soon. I am now 10DPO and not sure what to think - temps still relatively high (for me) but know that the next 4 days is when I will see a temp dip. I don't think I am pregnant but of course we always hold our hope. I hope your week looks up for you and take care. Big hugs.

Hi Jo - a night in sounds lovely. I am so boring these days! I used to be a big social butterfly and my mother often despaired of my partying ways, but I slowed down a couple of years ago and now basically have to force myself to go to a bar. The bar on Friday night was fun, but outside where it was nice all the smokers had congregated and it was like getting hit all at once. Not nice.

[Auntie M]

oh, Simba, i just had to pop in to give you a huge virtual hug. this thread helped me through many a dark day after our son Yeti died at 39 weeks due to a cord accident that cut him off from life. we gave induced birth to him and held his sweet smelling little body for hours before they took him to the funeral home. i'm now in the pregnancy thread and trying to keep my sanity, but i stalk everyone here too just to check on everyone. i'm so crashing this time, but your story is so painful i had to offer some hugs and tears for your awful pain at losing your sweet little daughter. your journey has been so incredibly hard; i am so sorry for your loss and wish that i had some words that could comfort you and take the pain away. BB has been such a life line to me, to share thoughts and feelings that make others so uncomfortable and to be understood and supported. i hope you find that same small comfort here. big hugs my dear, and lots of tears. m

[Simba]

thanks for letting me share my story it really means so much i wish i had of found this sooner! i found out about the support groups around but decided they werent my thing at the moment. Very Special Kids offer a lot of support so that has been good but it is nice to talk with people on the same page "TTC again"

i am getting close to when AF could be here (my cycle never really got regular after coming off the pill and getting pg with Lani so i dont really know when to expect it) i did a HPT today - it was BFN - i knew it would be as its probably too early but sometimes can help myself (I'm guessing I'm not the only one that does that!) I'm sure it will be soon - i just would really like it this month then I would be due in Nov - the same month Lani was born. also, and i feel so selfish but am hating work so much so the quicker i can finish there the better! starting a new job was not the best choice with all this going on.

wishing you all a happy week

[Katiegirl]

Hi Simba. I just wanted to say I understand how hard it is going back to work and picking up the pieces. If I was still pregnant, this would have been my last week at work. I was actually going to quit as the plan was for me to be a SAHM. Instead I am as busy as ever, and having to plan future marketing events etc etc. Sometimes my heart just isn't in it, and yet I know that it would be just as hard to quit and start a new job. I hate the fact that all the plans DH and I made for the 5 months I was pregnant, have all been put on hold for who knows how long. I think that was one of the hardest things for me after losing Nathaniel, the realisation that all our plans were not going to eventuate. It was like being handed my old life and being expected to return to how things used to be. That sounds so depressing! Sorry!!! I just wanted to let you know that you weren't alone in your thoughts - I think we all struggle with this.

Well my temp took another drop this morning - not huge but enough to make me think that AF is on its way. Feel a bit down about it, especially as yesterday I was at the naturopath and she told me that it was common for TTC to take 6 months or more. That just depressed me. I guess it was the exact opposite of what I wanted to hear. I am trying hard to keep positive and find good things that will come for each month I am not pregnant - more time to get fit and healthy etc.

[Simba]

katiegirl - thanks for that. its so true what you said about "getting your old life handed back to you" it really does feel like that sometimes. i made the choice to start teaching at new school this year and in some ways that has made it easier - most of the staff and none of the kids of parents know about Lani so i can just kind of get on with it and not have too many people worrying about me. i had to make a choice about going back to work before Lani had even passed away as it was so close to the end of the school year and i thought that this was the best rather than facing all the staff, families and kids at my old school and their "sympathy looks". but in many ways i miss my old school - if i dont get pg this year i will go back there to work next year (but hoping that wont happen)

still no AF so i guess - i didnt get into the temp charting. my DH talked me out of it as i am a bit OCD sometimes and like to plan everything and he felt it would take the spark out of DTD. he is probably right and we didnt have too much trouble getting pg last time so hopefully will be the same this time. (if not i might be coming to you all for some advice on how to do it!

good luck everyone one the TWW to us all

[Sonni]

Hi ladies,

How hard is this ttc thing!!! AF is due for me on Sat and I have now officially done 1,127,423 HPT with a BFN every time :P I hope you are all ok and thank you again

Simba, I am so sorry for the loss of your little angel Lani. There are just no words... It is so hard going back to any job after the death of your baby, but to also have to deal with the stress of a new place and unfamilliar territory must be terrible. When I went back, I had not been working throughout my pregnancy and didn't want to go back to the sort of salon I had been in. (I'm a hairdresser, colour tech) When I did go back to work it was also at a new job and I realy struggled. I hope you find happiness in your new work place and I realy hope you can share some happy news with everyone soon

[jo76]

shout out to everyone!
we need a few...


It sounds like we have all had some ups and downs lately. I am officially due now for AF and did a test yesterday but nothing. So will wait until at least mid next week to check again and in the meantime it may show up anyway. I have'nt had the AF symptoms so far so hopefully it is'nt my cycle still trying to even itself out. But since i don't show any preg symptoms either when i am, i can't even say anything for that! So i'll keep you posted...and to you guys that have them coming up in the next few days, I HOPE THEY DON"T COME! Don't have lots of time so no personals (hijacking parents computer again, only month till we move and i get my computer back!) so please take care and hope you all are ok! xxxx

[tempus moriendi]

Today a found a place with a good reputation that does drop-in day care so if I need to have a procedure done with little notice, I don't have to scramble around for somebody to watch my daughter. It's one less thing to worry about.

Simba and Katiegirl and jo76: sorry for the not-pregnant news. sending cyberhugs.

Sonni: it's not Saturday yet!!

[Katiegirl]

Hi Everyone. Simba and Jo sorry that AF is arriving - but I always try to think that at least it means our cycles are getting back to some sort of normalcy. Positive thinking!!! Hug to you both.

Jo - I am sure you are looking forward to finally getting in to your own place again. I think you have been amazing to be going through your grief and being at a friend's house. I am sure others tell you this but you come across as very strong.

In fact all the women in this thread seem to be strong, which is particularly hard given all our stories.

We went and saw our new ob today - and he is wonderful!!! Mel recommended him (as have some others since) and all she said is true. He was very compassionate and understand, as well as being incredibly competent and thorough. He is sending me off for about 1000 more tests, but I am happy to do whatever it takes. He has asked that we put of TTC for the 4 weeks until we see him again and get all the tests results. My answer was a cheeky - I will think about it. DH then piped up and said 'No we will wait'. So I was ganged up on, so if AF arrives in the next 2 days, then I am out of the TTC gang for at least 4 weeks. Not happy about it but I also see the reasoning behind it. Also, as my family has a history of coeliac and I have always had question marks over whether I am coeliac or simply wheat intolerant, he is doing a test for that. If it comes back positive, he said he would want me to wait another 4 months before TTCing again to be on the safe side. Also he said if one test for CMV came back positive, then he would want me to wait 12 months! So fingers crossed they all come back negative and I will only have to wait 4 weeks. So i really do feel i am in safe hands and that he will be understanding of my stress levels. He said that once preg he will see me every week after the 12 week scan until I get sick of coming in! I love that!!!

Barbara - how is AF? I hope you are okay and getting ready for another month - fingers crossed for you.

TM - how are you? You have had a rough ride lately, so i hope some good news is coming your way. Great news about the day care centre you found.

It would be lovely to get some BFPs in here. I think is about time.

Take care and

[Inanna]

Hi Gorgeous girls - it's time for a new thread. You will find it HERE