Lynn, huge :hugs: to you. I so wish I could do more to help you, but the only thing I can try to do is encourage you not to let your so called sister alter your path. You have been TTC for while now and dont let her stop you, it is something that is really important to both you and DH and you need to live your life for yourselves. As I said last night, you dont have to go through a pregnancy with her. You dont have to go through anything with her. There is no law that says just because she is your sister you have to communicate with her, and there is certainly no law that says you have to be happy for her and support her! If you happen to get pregnant you will be going through it with all of us (preggies and non preggies) in here, not her. You will have all of our support through everything and, sadly for your sister, you will also have your mums support and I guarantee you her main concern is you at the moment and when you eventually get to announce your own pregnancy your mum will feel so overjoyed, and you will STILL be giving her an earth grandchild - whether your baby is first born or not I promise you yours and DHs next baby will always have a special bond with your parents simply because they will be Cooper's brother or sister.

Please dont be so hard on yourself, you did not fail anybody! Do you remember an email I wrote to my mum recently which I showed you and asked your opinion for? Well I said a similar thing in that and you told me I didnt fail, so if I didnt fail Nicholas you certainly didnt fail Cooper. Do you want to know what my mums response to that was? She told me that it made her sad I felt that way, especially because out of everyone I was the one who was missing out the most. She said I need to remember that I got ripped off in this life as well, and I really want to say that to you too (and remember mums know everything )

Ok well I have babbled enough now, you know we are always there for you and I am so proud that you found the courage to post. You have strength that you dont even realise you have, I know you feel like you have taken 200 steps back, but put that selfish person out of your mind and focus or you and the people you care about and most importantly care about you. She is totally not worth your energy and I really do believe what goes around comes around - it may not be immediately but it will be eventually.

Take care of yourself and you know how to get me if you need to b**ch or cry or anything

Love Mel