Well I have just spent the last hour or so on the phone to a Doula who Kelly (BB Owner) referred me to.
I cried the entire time and it was so hard to talk about everything she wanted to discuss. She was very empowering though, and discussed with me birth debriefing and hypno birthing. I am going to meet with her next weekend, I feel confident with her that she is going to help get DH and I through this and Lil Spring will be here safe and sound. I just feel so dranined, that conversation was very powerful and even after speaking to her for an hour, I feel a little more clear about what I can acheive as a woman and what I am letting fear do to my confidence.
I almost feel like I need a sleep. You know when you are a kid and you cry so hard you cry yourself to sleep? That is how I feel. Oh well, as the doula said, she will help me re-write my memories to positive ones and that this pregnancy as well as birth is a healing process not a fear ridden experience. She even said that she can help me get excited about this birth. Well we will see about that
Back later alligators. Got to hang out the sheets and clean the bathroom. Fun hey?
Sorry to Hog the thread today but I wanted to ask some advice.
Well DH and I were just discussing telling the family about Lil Spring after my 12 week scan on Tuesday. He wants me to wait until the weekend so that we can tell everyone together which I will do because I respect that he wants to do it together.
The issue that we disagree on is who to tell. I only want to tell my Mum, Dad, Big sister and best friend. DH thinks that it is only right to tell his parents (who have spilt up and remarried) also. Sounds easy enough, but I have some major issues with my MIL. She did a number of things around the time of Harrison's birth which I still can't forgive her for. For example, ringing us up and telling us that she couldn't come to the funeral because it was too difficult to organise flights, accomodation and work WTF!!! This is your grandson. Also telling me that it was God's way WTF again, and not respecting other wishes that we had on the day of the funeral that I won't go into. The other thing that really disappoints and angers me is that it has been over 5 months since I lost Harry, and I have spoken to her ONCE! That is it. She called before christmas to ask us to go to Melbourne for Christmas and I said no, that we wanted to stay home and that it was a time of grief, not celebration. Since then nothing. DH said that she has absolutely no idea how angry I am with her and to tell her. But to be honest I couldn't be bothered going through the drama of telling her and dealing with that stress. She never calls, DH usually calls her. Now my FIL is differen't he has called regularly since DH has been away and I have a really good relationship with my Step MIL and can talk to her about anything. She has been wonderful support.
So what should we do? DH's opinion is, if we are going to tell your parents, it is only fair to tell his also. But I think I would rather keep Lil Spring a secret from everyone, until the 19 week scan, then have to tell my MIL. I guarantee she will say something stupid like "that was quick" or "lets hope it works this time". I don't usually hold grudges, but I feel protective of Harry, DH and Lil Spring and I just don't want her to know.
At the same time I want to respect DH and the fact that she is his mother.
This is not an easy one, but I do have to agree if you tell one set of parents its hard not to tell the other. May be you can tell yourside of the family and FIL and stepMIL and let DH to his mum, that way he can break the ice and filter any "comments" that she may have.
I know how very special this time is for you and you only want positive thoughts and wishes......Im not to sure if this is any good maybe the other girls have a better idea but its hard not to upset our other halfs. Great news on finding your Doula, sometime it is just so good to cry like that a bit like a great rainfall after months of nothing it cleans everything out and makes it feel new again. You are a strong women who now can achive anything you want, Harrison has helped you be able to do that, you just have to listen to your innerself and go with it....I know very deep but I think we are all such amazing women who need to be tolds that a little more.
As to the washing, it must be the weather I did all our beds today, so did one of my girlfriends! I cant wait to get into bed tonight.....nothing like fresh sheets and clean PJ but it also means no ... btween the sheets, I always tell DH this, I like to feel nice and clean for the first night! Im not sur if I helped but I hope you can come to a decision that makes both of you happy.
well so much for my relaxing weekend I had to go into the office and do work WTF, do these people not know how much I hate that!!! but I did get out of having to vaccum, go down to the beach and get the soccer boots, work was not that bad much easier then being at home cleaning the bathroom and running around. Thats what I told my DH and im sticking to it.
We are out for dinner tonight and then hopeful taking it easier tomorow. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend with loved ones, rest up and be safe.
Thanks for your advice Dream, you are right about one in all in, but I just don't want her to know. DH and I talked about it a bit more and I said 'if we told your Mum, do you believe she would not tell the rest of the family until at least 19 weeks?" and he said that he didn't trust her to keep quiet. That makes me even more cautious of telling her. I would be so angry if yet again she didn't respect our wishes.
Oh well, I am not going to complain too much, it is a good problem to have. I hope work wasn't too full on. I know what you mean about clean sheets. I love washing the sheets and the towels and a hot shower, clean PJ's and then to bed. It is the ultimate recipie for a good nights sleep.
Spring - 12 weeks!! Yay!! I don't think anyone can offer any advice that could top the wisdom from Dream. I think you really are stuck, I can understand that you are reluctant to tell everyone, I always said the same thing, that I would try to keep the next one a secret until I could'nt hide the belly anymore. It's a hard one. It just sucks that we feel that we can't shout this happy news to the world, that we have to fear telling people we are pregnant until we reach a certain time. Maybe have another chat to DH and just explain your reasons and I am sure he will have to agree with you. I am sure you can be very convincing That is great you found a good doula, Lil Spring is picking up quite an entourage huh!
Dream - I know what you mean about them maybe not wanting the cuddles in a few years I always say that to DP, what will we do when he is embarassed to be seen with us, or when he swears at us. Lol, I think my world will crash then. Every morning after DP goes to work, I grab DS a bottle of chocolate milk (he still likes a bottle every now and then) and we cuddle up in bed and watch cartoons together, it's my favourite time of the day, I can't imagine life without it.
Flowerchild - Lol on your fish drama....it sounds like an episode of some sitcom. Glad there was a happy ending for everyone.
Lynn - Where have you been? How are you doing?
Mel - How did you go today? I have been thinking of you all day. I hope you guys are well.
I had a hard night last night, nothing really specific, just we went out to dinner with a group of friends and one of them has a 5 month old daughter, so cute. Holding her just made me think of what I am missing out on iykwim. Asha would be roughly the same age and size etc. Just kind of made me feel jealous, not in a bad way to my friend, just in a sad way for us. All of us, we all don't have what we should. it all just sent many thought's buzzing around in my head. I used to always think that things happen for a reason. I'm not religeous or anything, I have no idea what goes on out there, but I have no idea what the reasons are for this happening to all of us. Is it just random?? Or is there a big plan?? I don't know.
Sorry, much rambling isn't there...lol, it's funny when you just write and see what comes out...I'm not crazy, I promise.
Oh, I don't think I have told you all, I am making an honest man out of DP in 2 weeks. Lol, we have decided to get hitched, finally after 10 and a half years of putiing up with eachother. Just going to the registry, it's quick, cheap and they supply the vows. Lol, that is so me, I am so half-@rsed in everything I do.
Well after all that rambling, i will talk to ya'll later.
12 weeks!! Yay!! I don't think anyone can offer any advice that could top the wisdom from Dream. I think you really are stuck, I can understand that you are reluctant to tell everyone, I always said the same thing, that I would try to keep the next one a secret until I could'nt hide the belly anymore. It's a hard one. It just sucks that we feel that we can't shout this happy news to the world, that we have to fear telling people we are pregnant until we reach a certain time. Maybe have another chat to DH and just explain your reasons and I am sure he will have to agree with you. I am sure you can be very convincing 
That is great you found a good doula, Lil Spring is picking up quite an entourage huh!
I always say that to DP, what will we do when he is embarassed to be seen with us, or when he swears at us. Lol, I think my world will crash then. Every morning after DP goes to work, I grab DS a bottle of chocolate milk (he still likes a bottle every now and then) and we cuddle up in bed and watch cartoons together, it's my favourite time of the day, I can't imagine life without it.
Bookmarks