howdy everyone! i've been on a bit of a downside and couldn't manage to jump in the conversation. today i'm no better, but i'm forcing myself to do something.

lynn- yippee on *Hope*'s heartbeat! what a breath of joy.

mel-your posts are too funny. i think you have a line on letting some of the ttc stress out. crimped hair, what a blast. i tried to recapture some of my 80's joy this weekend by dying a stripe of my hair bright blue. i thought it would finally be a good answer to "how are you" -- "kinda blue". made dh laugh, anyway. ikwym, i wasted lots of braincells memorizing lyrics to songs that would be better left unknown.

spring- i hope you get loads of help for your move. also, happy birthday a day late. nothing seems right anymore, but here's hope for the future.

nat- i'm sorry your sister was so insensitive to your pain. sometimes i think it is fear that makes folks say hurtful things. if they can distance themselves from the situation, then they don't have to fear that it could happen to them. hugs for you.

tommysmum- good luck on the house extension and on the sweet babe being in it.

bailey- i wish there were a scan that would make you feel better, less fear. Faith feels your love, that's all i know for sure.

deb- hugs to you, and sending you all the positive thoughts i can. each moment of your time with *Col* is precious, no matter if you are positive or strong or not. he or she feels your love -- that's why *Col* waived at you "hi mom!"

i had a bit of a downward spiral beginning with finding out a good friend is pregnant for five months and told everyone but me months ago. i felt so hurt and alone and like the grim reaper no one wants to let into the party. i know they all held back to try to protect me from my own pain, but they also kept me from the joy of sharing her joy. and they added the loneliness and the fear that i will lose all my friends because i have become this depressed sad person who reminds everyone of death. the next day would have been Yeti's third month birthday, and sunday was so hard for dh and i couldn't help him at all. what a spiral. i'm trying to force myself out of it today, being at work and pretending to care. sorry for the downer. m