Sorry ladies, am not going to do personals, I have my "cranky pants" on and am feeling pretty crappy having just come down with a cold.

Warning vent coming, well a vent to my extent:

I popped in to a friends birthday dinner on Saturday night, I didn't know what to expect. I walked in to the place and zoomed in on the friend. I went and sat down and was having a chat, when out of nowhere a baby was kind of popped in my face, trying to stay calm, I tried to laugh it off and sort of say "who's this?", but it felt like it was done to see my reaction. Anyway I didn't stay long, but went and had a little chat around the table, anyway, it seemed that whoever I was talking to would always pass the baby on, I don't know if it makes sense but I kind of got the feeling that they thought I was going to take the baby and run. I mean give me credit I'm not some psycho who's gonna do something like that. Besides people don't realise that all I want is my Phoebe. Anyway I have come to the realisation that I'm not ready to sit down with friends (not family) who don't say anything about what happened, yet I am not ready to see those who want to discuss it either. It’s a strange feeling

Anyway I had another party on Sunday, I was a worker for the day, my sister only meaning well showed a friend of hers a picture of Phoebe. I lost it, I couldn't contain myself, it is so not like me. Her friend actually said to me, express how you feel you are only human. I don't know, I usually can contain my feelings and keep them in check, I know I shouldn't have to, but I actually feel like I am getting worse. I don't know I think it might just have to do with how I feel physically, and having this cold has bought me down. When I am okay physically, I am okay mentally. Does anyone get the same?

Enough of my whinging, sorry ladies

Lynn – can you send me an email with your proper email address, I only have the other one, just want to send you a catch up email