I hope you don't mind if I join you. I have read all your posts and I am so sorry for what you have been through.
As for me we are ttc #1 and I have had two confirmed m/c's out of two pregnancies (early at 5wks) and one where i am pretty sure we conceived and failed about the time AF was due.
I have just started seeing an FS, who ran the hormonals first on CD2 and they came back normal. She is now going to test b/w for some other more complex things - i assume this means clotting disorders and the like. She didn't say.
We are ttc again this cycle, and I must say, I am very very nervous. At the FS appt the doc said oh it's ok, I am sure you will conceive again just fine, and I was like, yes, I know, that is NOT what I am worried about, it is keeping the pg. I am on about CD7 at the moment, so BD fest coming up soon.
Oh Sweety :hugs:
Are you going to the obs today???
I guess you need a plan... If not than tell me to go away...
If no appt with obs I would phone and DEMAND a follie scan. You need to know what those ovaries are planning for you.
It could still be gonna happen. I got a positive on cd21 of my first cycle on clomid. I hve required my doseage to be increased so this may be an option for you too (increase wasnt due to late ovulation but rather due to lower prog. levels than we would like.)
I am thinking of you
I wish I could bring back Cooper for you. I so wish I could. You WILL conceive again it will happen. Keep believing Lynn
Posted in the wrong thread.....--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ok girls.. I am here... just shaking the sand out of my ears.
OK so much has happened in here since I lost the nerve to post but I have been popping in to read from time to time.
Flowerchild - glad you are back with us.
Spring - please don't abandon us for the other forum... you input here is valued and needed, besides most of the girls want your babydust.
Lynn - there are recipies coming, I promise. Oh and thanks for sending out the little messages in your posts for me, it really touched.
Mel - I will call you soon.
Everyone else - hope you are doing well.
OK I have been in Ostrich mode and have burried my head in the sands of denial. I have been having a bit of an emotional struggle atm and so instead of facing and dealing with my demons I have been totally ignoring all the termoil and acting like everything is fine, which it is so far from being. This lead to a bit of a breakdown, I could come in here and when i did I couldn't post, I just felt sad and sick and wanted to cry. So ever the mature well balanced being that I am I just avoided it... if I can't see it its not really there right?... so I am back. I will be posting. Maybe not as much as some of you ... but I think I need to do this in baby steps. Its really hitting hard atm as I have a few pg people around me who are all due around when the twins were due and they are all having boys... sometimes its just hard to keep smiling and hoping my face wont crack.
Next time (hopefully there wont be one) I go missing have a look for me in the recipies, baby names or sick kids forums.. they are my safety haunts.
Lynn - Oh sweety it will happen, your a great mum. Blowing all the baby dust I can muster your way sweety (oh and some for Mel, and all the others who need it). Its good to let it all out...and we are hear for you, when and if you need even if it is only to vent.
Lyn - I am so sorry you are feeling like this (understandably) - just wanted to say that when I was TTC I never got a +ve on an OPK so don't rely on them totally. Are you doing your temps too?
Kerry - I wish I could remove all the hurt you are feeling right now - we all deal with the grief in different ways. When you are ready we are here for you - I was/am the same, coming onto BB with good intentions of helping everyone else out and then finding I don't know what to say. Just remember we are hear to listen though.
Hey Lynn, I'm so sorry you're having a hard time, you've been lovely since I joined the forum and wish I could give you a hug (sure everyone feels like that a lot in here!). If an OPK is an ovulation test (sorry, haven't had a chance to check abbrevs), thought I should let you know that I was using one last time I got pregnant - and the entire month it said I wasn't ovulating! Pays to keep the baby making up anyway obviously....
Flowerchild thanks for the advice about getting old - usually don't focus on it but it is difficult when you miss a month and start worrying about the time flying by - why does this whole process have to take so long!!!!!!!!!
Spring I think it was you who mentioned your hubby being away a lot as well (as usual I'm behind the eight ball in catching up on posts - I need a quieter job so I can spend more time in here!), it's just the one more complicating factor really isn't it? I don't want to turn into the obsessive woman who calls up the hubby and demands he comes home because its the right moment, but I can fully understand how it might happen!!
To everyone else who's send kind words my way after my last post thank you and hope you are all doing well and have some good news soon - think it would be nice to be able to celebrate someone elses success if it's not going so well personally. I am gradually getting my head around your histories, it would be rather nice if we could all meet up wouldn't it? Is anyone else in the group from Brisbane by the way??!
Lynn - I am so sorry you are going through this, you have done nothing to deserve this and you need to remember that (I understand its hard not to think it though). It is so hard, I really do understand - I agree with the girls though, dont rely solely on the OPKs because they are not 100% proven and (someone correct me if I am wrong) my OB told me there is a fine window of a surge and if you happen to miss that window you won't get a +ive. You know me and my cycle - 100% regular right? Well I should have got +ive on Saturday and I have been testing (yes gave in a bought more - junkie here) 3 times a day and I have not had a +ive on a single one. But I really believe I have O'd anyway because I have had other symptoms. Have you had other symptoms? I know you were saying about your temp dropping and Clare said that happens to her. Also I agree with Deb, see your OB and ask if he can check you out and MAKE SURE everything is working ok. I am thinking of you, you know where I am if you need an ear
Scarlet - Welcome to the thread (not that you want to be here)! Its easy for the drs to say it will all be fine, they dont live through it. Good luck with this cycle
Spring - That was really nice of Kirsty, what a sweet thing to do. You feeling ok with DH gone again?
Jo - Welcome back, sometimes you need some time to yourself and that is ok. Hope you are feeling a little better
Hello to everyone else. Sydney gals, how did your catch up go? Hope you had a nice day. It was absolutely sdisgustingly hot in Melbourne over the weekend, so much so that DH and I used our Gold Class tickets last night cause it was so hot in the house I felt like my head was throbbing! Too funny, we saw Music and Lyrics and we had the whole cinema to ourselves - DH said he thought it was a good place to TTC... YEAH RIGHT!!!!!
Well off to cook dinner now, occasionally I need to do something slightly domestic to justify being a "wife" LOL
Lynn: I know that there may be days when you feel like the whole world is against you but you just have to try to remind yourself that you are a wonderful mother and that no matter what, you are a mum and nothing can take that away for your. The hardest thing is being a mummy to an angel baby. I was so nice to meet you face to face yesterday, you and Bailey are as wonderful in person as your written word. Just hang in there. I agree with the other ladies, ask for the follicle scan that Flowerchild mentioned, it may give you an insight into what has happened. Huge warm fuzzy :hugs: are coming your way.
Kerry: It is nice to see you back babe. When people say this journey is a rollercoaster they are not lying. There are downs but not too many ups. I am so glad to hear from you again. We are all hear to share this painful path with you.
Scarlet: welcome to the thread honey. I am so sorry that you have to be here. I am glad that your FS is looking into doing some tests for you. You will get all the support, information and encouragement you could ever want in here.
Mish: Yes my DH is away for work all the time. It does take the romance out of TTC when you have to schedule BD'ing but.
Flowerchild, Tess and all you other wonderful women, I hope Monday has been kind to you. Take care my sweeties.
I just spent about half an hour writing a huge post, then by internet connection went and it wiped it:throw_computer: so now I have to try to remember the ramblings of a crazy woman and write again.
Lynn - How are you feeling? I just wanted to say, this afternoon I bumped into a friend who is a midwife and I asked her about OPK's. She said, that you really rely on them as they are not 100% accurate. She said that like HPK's, if they show a positive, they are usually correct, but showing a negative or no result can often be wrong. It could be that they just don't work on you or the hormone or whatever (sorry, I am useless with details) that they need to work could be just a little too low for it to pick up. She said a better way to predict is by temp's, CM and cervical position. I didn't ask her about how you check that I also tested today, and my line was slightly darker than yesterday, but still not enough for a positive, so I am not going to do it anymore!! I am just going to try to think positive (or be in denial) and assume that I will or have still ovulated....so join me and we'll keep our fingers crossed and legs open (lol, sorry - TMI I know) for the next few days! It is heartbreaking to read your post. You have done nothing to deserve this, nothing! None of us have. This is a horrible thing that has happened to you, and I wish so much that your little Cooper was here with you, but I know I don't need to tell you that he always will be in your heart. You will get your baby, I just hope that it is soon. There are so many of us sending you bucketloads of
Kerry - I am glad to see you are back, sometimes a break is a good thing isn't it?
Scarlet - I am so sorry to hear about your babies, and that you have had to join us here. But you really have come to the right place for understanding and support.
Mel - How are things going with DH's ex? I hope that it has sorted itself out abit. Yes, our catchup was really great, though we talked so much that we didn't get to eat all of the yummy stuff that we brought along. But that's ok, we got to take the leftovers home. Lynn and Spring are as awesome in real life as they are here. Surprisingly, we only used about 4 tissues between us....maybe we've all cried ourselves dry!
That said, when I got home I just lost it. To meet you guys was fantastic, but to hear your heartbreaking stories from you in person, I think it just hit me hard. This is so real! Not that it wasn't before, just that it's horrible to know people are going through this horrible experience too, iykwim? Thanks again Lynn and Spring, you and your little ones are beautiful....oh and your hubby's are pretty cute too!!
Well, if you thought I had babbled in this post, you should have seen the original. Hugs to everyone.
Hi Bailey - LOL @ the legs open comment Dont you just hate that, it happened to me on Friday and I got so angry! I am glad your catch up was good, thats a pretty good effort to only go through 4 tissues AND leave the yummies.
You will be sorry you asked about DHs ex cause alot has happened, she is an absolute psycho! She picked up the kids yesterday (and it was totally obvious she was in a bad mood to start with) and he said that he would be happy to see them on the weekend if they are missing him but that spending Xmas and Easter together was not possible, and she said she had changed her mind and he can only see them on Wednesday nights so he told her we cant because we both work so it is impossible, she got off her bike and said "the problem is they arent missing you, you are becoming a stranger to them"! So it has gone from they are stressed not seeing him to they dont know who he is. Im the one who picks them up on the w/ends (as DH works and I have that day off) and they are always waiting at the door for me and when the car pulls up they run out the door yelling to me, they usually forget to say goodbye because they are so excited... what was that about strangers? They stay with us every 2nd weekend without fail and half of all school holidays. The 6 year old boy told us on the w/end he has been crying cause he misses us too much (such a sweetie!) so DH told her this, and she said he must be lying so DH called him over and asked him if that is what he said, he said he did and his mum told him he wasnt and he argued with her saying "yeah I did the other day remember" but she kept trying to confuse him and in the end he got really upset and said "you know I am not lying you remember" so DH told her to let it go, so as she walked off she said (right in front of the kids mind you) "its your loss if you dont want to see your own children", and the 6 year old got really upset. I don't understand her, sometimes its like he cant do anything right. And, she keeps making these comments in front of them and they get upset. So DH has decided for their sake he will not enter into anymore agreements outside the court orders in place to save these situations arising. Worst of all this w/end the 2 year old came with sores all over her body. Her mum insists they are mosquito bites even though she has had them the last couple of times she has come, but this w/end they were really bad. We werent so sure they were bites so we took her to the dr and he said they are school sores and prescribed antibiotic cream, as well as oral antibiotics because they are so severe. We bought the stuff and started her on them, when her mum came we gave them to her to take home, and she said we could keep it because she knows they are mossie bites and all the antibiotics will do is lower her immune system... what the? So now we are left in the situation where her mother wont treat her, she is not with us long enough for us to do anything that will make a difference, and we are susceptible to catching these things from her (which worries me if and when I get pregnant) - she has already passed them onto my nephew. The bad thing is we are powerless to help the poor little thing I don't know too much about school sores to be honest, but apparently they are contagious and they look like infected blisters.
Sorry I know TMI, but I get so frustrated and as usual DH just says dont let it bother me. But I am so concerned about my next baby being healthy that it worries me about the 2 year old sores. I guess the moral to the story is that someone like that gets 3 beautiful, healthy children and people like us get ours taken away. Life is cruel!
Last edited by Mel1977; February 19th, 2007 at 10:17 PM.
Welcome Scarlet. I am happy that you have come to join us. Again I am so sorry that your last two babies did not stay with you. You will find lots of love and support on your journey in here.
Oh Lynn
I am so so happy you are seeing a specialist and good on you for insisting it be sooner. (a woman after my own heart!) I will be checking in frequently this afternoon to hear how it went. Since we said goodbye to our son in March 2006 my cycles are woopy without the clomid. My hunch is that you may need an increase dose of the clomid.
I know that many people say that opk's aren't accurate but just like you my cm is hard for me to recognise - mainly I think because we are doing the deed as well around that time. Many people need to do opk's a couple of times a day to get a positive.
Like you on my first round of clomid we did the deed from cd12 and I didn't get a positive opk until cd21 so it was getting pretty damn ordinary by the end. I am sorry that this is happening but it is great that hopefully by this afternoon you will have a few answers.
Mel: Ok, DH's ex has formally taken on psycho status!! How difficult it must be for you and DH trying to do the best thing by the kids and then getting such mixed confused messages from her. I think what you have decided to do is the best thing. Stick to the court orders and if she tries to negotiate again, tell her that it is non-negotiable. You must be angry about the school sores, they are contagious. Does she go to daycare? I wouldn't be surprised if the daycare teachers call her if they are obvious. I hope she gets better soon for her sake and yours.
Lynn: I hope your appointment went well today with the fertility specialist. I want nothing more for you than your body to behave itself and for you to get a BFP. I don't know if there is anything I can do but if you want to hang out on Thursday I have the day off work. I have an appointment in the morning but I am free after lunch. Big :hugs: to you and DH.
Mish: About your DH, I sort of experienced the same thing. DH felt like he was a turkey baster. I think we just expect that because they are men they will be up for BD'ing whenever. At one stage DH said, what if I demanded sex from you and you said no and I cried, how guilty would that make you feel. He was right, it was an unfair thing to do but I was just so desperate. I think we have to remember that although the might not show it as much, BDing is more than just getting their rocks off and especially when you are TTC. I found that if I didn't let DH know where I was in my cycle and just went with the flow it took the pressure off.
Bailey: I am so sorry that you got upset when you got home on Sunday. It is so emotionally exhausting but it is also such a blessing that we have wonderful caring friends to share the load. I hope you are feeling better today.
Flowerchild, Scarlet, Tess and everyone else, hope you are well, take care my sweeties.
Well me, just had my scan and bub is growing well with a strong heartbeat. The other thing that I am really happy about is that my BP is back down to 120/75. It was really high at the start of the pregnancy due to stress so I am happy with myself that I am naturally controlling it.
So happy to hear that Baby Spring is bouncing along!!! I know the relief and the smile that comes with those great scans. YIPPPEEEEE
Mel, I am sorry that things are so rough with this woman. It sounds really hard.
Lynn, you have been in my thoughts all day. Please come and tell us how you are. :hugs:
Thank you so much for your warm welcome. You are all amazing.
Lynn - sorry to hear about your frustration. I always used OPKs and they worked for me (I was very regular) but ever since the first m/c they just aren't reliable for me. Don't know why. But I still went to Priceline on my lunchbreak and dropped $20 on a new box I hope your scan went well.
Mel - wow, DH's ex sounds like a psycho. I agree with the person who said stick to the court order. Sounds like the ex won't keep her promises, and sorry to hear about the little one. For what it's worth, if DH wants more time with the kids maybe you could apply for a variation to the custody order? Then the ex would have to comply. Sorry if I am butting in but I work in the courts so it's kind of my area .. anyways HTH.
Mish: about DH, well I guess they can all be like that. But since we are three-time losers (that is just my sense of humour, by the way) he is very cute keeping up with cycle days etc. Even so, the thing that used to work for me was silence. And then...start him up! You know, so he gets all hot and bothered but has no idea whether it is ttc time or not. Actually it took us eight months to get pg the first time, so I was thinking we might have problems in that area. But ever since we seem to get pg at the drop of the hat. But thank you for your message, it is nice to know there is someone experiencing the same thing as I am.
Sorry for the long post ladies. I just got word last night that my FS is referring me to the recurrnet m/c people at her clinic, so that is good news IMO. I don't know yet when I can get an appointment though.
Ok, just warning that this could be a long post.................
DH and I went and saw the FS this afternoon and I was soooooooooooo nervous. I told him about my cycle and how I haven't o'd yet and it is CD22. I told him that I o'd last month on CD22 but AF arrived on CD29 so not good. I told him that it took us forever to fall pg with Cooper and then how we lost him. He did a scan and said that there are some follicles there but they are small and I'm likely not going to O this month. He said that I definitely have PCOS which is not good hearing but in another way is because I kept getting conflicting answers from different obs. So yes I have it! Anyway he has put me on Metformin which is what I wanted so that is good. He said that this has nothing to do with why I lost Cooper but he is going to test everything so it can be ruled out. So I had a BT today (and they took half my blood!!!!) and I have to go back tomorrow for them to take the other half! Hopefully with all the tests they are doing we will be able to see what is happening and make a plan. We are seeing him again next Tuesday to get the results and to work out a plan. He said that we can try a cycle on Clomid and Metformin or we can do both of them and FSH injections. DH joked with the FS about buying a Tarago Van - how embarrasing!!!! This is supposed to be serious and he is joking about having 6 babies!!!!! I am just so glad that I am getting things moving now and didn't wait until next month. I know that it hasn't been long since I had Cooper but I am frustrated more that I am not o'ing because without this I can't have a baby. So hopefully with the FS, he can help make it happen I am just finding it so hard lately, not only grieving the loss of Cooper but also to go through the pain of not being able to fall pg.
Deb - thank you for your help and guidance and always thinking about me. Thank you for pushing me to have the scan done. I am so glad that I have so I know what is going on. Even though I won't be o'ing this month, at least there is a plan for next month
Nat - thanks for the chat and as always making me feel so much better. You are so knowledgeable and I appreciate everything that you have done for me. I should start to call you Dr Nat
Mel - my test junkie friend how are you going? How is your testing going? I hope so much that this is your month still. I guess I can stop testing this month........nah it gives me something to do each day! lol. And it will be interesting to see what happens and what the tests say should be happening. I'm so sorry to hear about DH crazy ex - what a psycho!! That is awful about the little girl and her sores - I hope they get seen to soon and she gets better. I hope this is all sorted out quickly because you don't need the ex's drama right now and she needs to look after her kids. You said it - life is cruel. It is just so unfair when there are some wonderful mums that don't have their babies and then there are mums that need lessons on how to look after their babies.
Spring - I am so happy that your scan went well and that your BP has come down. I hope you are taking it easy and resting.
Bailey - lol at the comment about open legs - can I close mine now!!!! I asked the FS today if we still needed to bd and he said it wouldn't hurt. I thought I was off the hook now!!! I am sorry that you got upset on Sunday when you got home. It was so great to meet you and Spring and to talk face to face about our lives and our precious sweet angels. I hope you are doing ok today. You are probably busy - isn't the day about now?
Jo - it is so wonderful to have you back. I have missed you. I understand that you needed your time and I hope you are feeling ok. I hope you managed to find a smile today. Stay with us - big hugs to you.
Mish - fingers crossed for you that DH isn't too tired when he gets home. Hopefully he gets home in time for the big day.
Tess - hope you are well. Take care.
Scarlet - welcome and I'm sorry that you have joined us but I hope that you can find love and support here. Welcome to the test junkie group!
A big thank you to everyone for supporting me over the last couple of days - I've been a bit of a nutcase but I appreciate everyone being there for me.
So glad that your appointment today was productive, I have been thinking about you and hoped that you would visit. The FS sounds like he is going to do every test under the sun which is great.
Lol about DH and the Tarago. In all seriousness though, I hope one day that becomes the biggest problem that you have, where on earth are you going to fit all those kids.
Well I hope they are kind to you tomorrow and don't take too much blood. I am so proud of you for being proactive and doing what you need to do to get the answers you deserve.
Huge big proud
Scarlet: I am glad that you have the referral to the recurrent m/c clinic. Hopefully they will help you find the answers so you never have to experience this pain again.
Lynn - I am so sorry you are going through this, but I am glad you went to have the scan. I really hope the FS can help your cycle work itself out next month. LOL at the Tarago, DH and I joke about the same things seeing as he has 3 (all back seat age) and we want a couple of our own! My sis and BIL laugh at us all the time about it. I have continued with the testing but no O on test this month, I dont think I will do anymore this month though. I think I have though - mind you considering I truly believed I was pregnant last month we all know I obviously dont know my body all that well. Take care of yourself and I hope you get a good night sleep and can wake up feeling slightly better tomorrow morning LOL at the test junkie friend - its so hard to resist huh!
Spring - that is wonderful that Spring Jnr is doing so well. How exciting you will have that little bubba in your arms before you know it. Oh and really glad you got your blood pressure down, well done! Have you overcome your white coat syndrome?
Scarlet - That's not a long post! Read mine LOL! I hope you get your appointment soon. Re DH getting a variation to the orders, we are trying to avoid anything to do with courts cause it cost us almost 8K to get the court orders put in place and it will cost us even more to get a variation. He is happy enough with the time he sees them, he just worries about them because obviously he cant get any straight answers from her. But I will try not to let her affect me, we have each other and whether she likes it or not the kids love their father (and me too to be honest). What an interesting job working in the courts, you must see alot of stuff - our problems would be mild in comparison LOL.
Mish - I hope DH has saved some energy for his return Music & Lyrics was pretty good, definitely a bit of a chick flick but had some funny bits and I like both Drew Barrymore and Hugh Grant. Wow, he looks so old in it though! Even DH said it was ok (unless he was trying to be nice). Not the best movie I have seen, but enjoyable all the same - I am sure Gold Class helped a little.
Hi to everyone, hope you have a nice night. I have the day off tomorrow and an appointment at another agency. The girl from this place rang me today to ask when I could start working, I said I havent even met with you yet LOL!
I am on about CD7 at the moment, so BD fest coming up soon.
I also tested today, and my line was slightly darker than yesterday, but still not enough for a positive, so I am not going to do it anymore!! I am just going to try to think positive (or be in denial) and assume that I will or have still ovulated....so join me and we'll keep our fingers crossed and legs open (lol, sorry - TMI I know) for the next few days! It is heartbreaking to read your post. You have done nothing to deserve this, nothing! None of us have. This is a horrible thing that has happened to you, and I wish so much that your little Cooper was here with you, but I know I don't need to tell you that he always will be in your heart. You will get your baby, I just hope that it is soon. There are so many of us sending you bucketloads of
Dont you just hate that, it happened to me on Friday and I got so angry! I am glad your catch up was good, thats a pretty good effort to only go through 4 tissues AND leave the yummies.
I don't know too much about school sores to be honest, but apparently they are contagious and they look like infected blisters. 
I am just finding it so hard lately, not only grieving the loss of Cooper but also to go through the pain of not being able to fall pg. 
that is wonderful that Spring Jnr is doing so well. How exciting you will have that little bubba in your arms before you know it. Oh and really glad you got your blood pressure down, well done! Have you overcome your white coat syndrome?
Music & Lyrics was pretty good, definitely a bit of a chick flick but had some funny bits and I like both Drew Barrymore and Hugh Grant. Wow, he looks so old in it though! Even DH said it was ok (unless he was trying to be nice). Not the best movie I have seen, but enjoyable all the same - I am sure Gold Class helped a little.
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