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Thread: TTC after Stillbirth/ Recurrent Miscarriage or Loss after the First Trimester

  1. #37

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    CD21 and no +ve OPK



    I hate my body and I hate the position that I am in at the moment. What did I ever do to deserve all of this, what did I do wrong. I waited so long to get Cooper and then he was taken from me. I just want him back so much. I also want another baby but I can't have that either. If I can't even O then how am I ever going to have a baby

  2. #38

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    Oh Sweety :hugs:
    Are you going to the obs today???
    I guess you need a plan... If not than tell me to go away...
    If no appt with obs I would phone and DEMAND a follie scan. You need to know what those ovaries are planning for you.
    It could still be gonna happen. I got a positive on cd21 of my first cycle on clomid. I hve required my doseage to be increased so this may be an option for you too (increase wasnt due to late ovulation but rather due to lower prog. levels than we would like.)
    I am thinking of you

    I wish I could bring back Cooper for you. I so wish I could. You WILL conceive again it will happen. Keep believing Lynn

  3. #39

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    Hey Lynn - I am sorry that you are going through this. I am sure that your body is still just getting back to normal and might take a couple of cycles to settle down. Can you even be certain that the OPK's are accurate? I am new to using them, but from the little bit of research I have done, it seems they aren't 100%. Did you go to the OB today? I hope you get that +OPK very soon. I am thinking of you.

  4. #40
    kerry Guest

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    Posted in the wrong thread.....--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Ok girls.. I am here... just shaking the sand out of my ears.

    OK so much has happened in here since I lost the nerve to post but I have been popping in to read from time to time.

    Flowerchild - glad you are back with us.

    Spring - please don't abandon us for the other forum... you input here is valued and needed, besides most of the girls want your babydust.

    Lynn - there are recipies coming, I promise. Oh and thanks for sending out the little messages in your posts for me, it really touched.

    Mel - I will call you soon.

    Everyone else - hope you are doing well.

    OK I have been in Ostrich mode and have burried my head in the sands of denial. I have been having a bit of an emotional struggle atm and so instead of facing and dealing with my demons I have been totally ignoring all the termoil and acting like everything is fine, which it is so far from being. This lead to a bit of a breakdown, I could come in here and when i did I couldn't post, I just felt sad and sick and wanted to cry. So ever the mature well balanced being that I am I just avoided it... if I can't see it its not really there right?... so I am back. I will be posting. Maybe not as much as some of you ... but I think I need to do this in baby steps. Its really hitting hard atm as I have a few pg people around me who are all due around when the twins were due and they are all having boys... sometimes its just hard to keep smiling and hoping my face wont crack.

    Next time (hopefully there wont be one) I go missing have a look for me in the recipies, baby names or sick kids forums.. they are my safety haunts.

  5. #41
    kerry Guest

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    Lynn - Oh sweety it will happen, your a great mum. Blowing all the baby dust I can muster your way sweety (oh and some for Mel, and all the others who need it). Its good to let it all out...and we are hear for you, when and if you need even if it is only to vent.

  6. #42

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    Lyn - I am so sorry you are feeling like this (understandably) - just wanted to say that when I was TTC I never got a +ve on an OPK so don't rely on them totally. Are you doing your temps too?

    Kerry - I wish I could remove all the hurt you are feeling right now - we all deal with the grief in different ways. When you are ready we are here for you - I was/am the same, coming onto BB with good intentions of helping everyone else out and then finding I don't know what to say. Just remember we are hear to listen though.

    T.

  7. #43
    Mish Guest

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    Hey Lynn, I'm so sorry you're having a hard time, you've been lovely since I joined the forum and wish I could give you a hug (sure everyone feels like that a lot in here!). If an OPK is an ovulation test (sorry, haven't had a chance to check abbrevs), thought I should let you know that I was using one last time I got pregnant - and the entire month it said I wasn't ovulating! Pays to keep the baby making up anyway obviously....

    Flowerchild thanks for the advice about getting old - usually don't focus on it but it is difficult when you miss a month and start worrying about the time flying by - why does this whole process have to take so long!!!!!!!!!

    Spring I think it was you who mentioned your hubby being away a lot as well (as usual I'm behind the eight ball in catching up on posts - I need a quieter job so I can spend more time in here!), it's just the one more complicating factor really isn't it? I don't want to turn into the obsessive woman who calls up the hubby and demands he comes home because its the right moment, but I can fully understand how it might happen!!

    To everyone else who's send kind words my way after my last post thank you and hope you are all doing well and have some good news soon - think it would be nice to be able to celebrate someone elses success if it's not going so well personally. I am gradually getting my head around your histories, it would be rather nice if we could all meet up wouldn't it? Is anyone else in the group from Brisbane by the way??!

    lots of love to all
    Mish

  8. #44

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    HI everyone,

    I hope you don't mind if I join you. I have read all your posts and I am so sorry for what you have been through.

    As for me we are ttc #1 and I have had two confirmed m/c's out of two pregnancies (early at 5wks) and one where i am pretty sure we conceived and failed about the time AF was due.

    I have just started seeing an FS, who ran the hormonals first on CD2 and they came back normal. She is now going to test b/w for some other more complex things - i assume this means clotting disorders and the like. She didn't say.

    We are ttc again this cycle, and I must say, I am very very nervous. At the FS appt the doc said oh it's ok, I am sure you will conceive again just fine, and I was like, yes, I know, that is NOT what I am worried about, it is keeping the pg. I am on about CD7 at the moment, so BD fest coming up soon.

    I look forward to meeting ou all.

  9. #45

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    Welcome Scarlet. I am happy that you have come to join us. Again I am so sorry that your last two babies did not stay with you. You will find lots of love and support on your journey in here.

  10. #46

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    Hi everyone,

    Lynn - I am so sorry you are going through this, you have done nothing to deserve this and you need to remember that (I understand its hard not to think it though). It is so hard, I really do understand - I agree with the girls though, dont rely solely on the OPKs because they are not 100% proven and (someone correct me if I am wrong) my OB told me there is a fine window of a surge and if you happen to miss that window you won't get a +ive. You know me and my cycle - 100% regular right? Well I should have got +ive on Saturday and I have been testing (yes gave in a bought more - junkie here) 3 times a day and I have not had a +ive on a single one. But I really believe I have O'd anyway because I have had other symptoms. Have you had other symptoms? I know you were saying about your temp dropping and Clare said that happens to her. Also I agree with Deb, see your OB and ask if he can check you out and MAKE SURE everything is working ok. I am thinking of you, you know where I am if you need an ear

    Scarlet - Welcome to the thread (not that you want to be here)! Its easy for the drs to say it will all be fine, they dont live through it. Good luck with this cycle

    Spring - That was really nice of Kirsty, what a sweet thing to do. You feeling ok with DH gone again?

    Jo - Welcome back, sometimes you need some time to yourself and that is ok. Hope you are feeling a little better

    Hello to everyone else. Sydney gals, how did your catch up go? Hope you had a nice day. It was absolutely sdisgustingly hot in Melbourne over the weekend, so much so that DH and I used our Gold Class tickets last night cause it was so hot in the house I felt like my head was throbbing! Too funny, we saw Music and Lyrics and we had the whole cinema to ourselves - DH said he thought it was a good place to TTC... YEAH RIGHT!!!!!

    Well off to cook dinner now, occasionally I need to do something slightly domestic to justify being a "wife" LOL

    Mel

  11. #47

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    Lynn: I know that there may be days when you feel like the whole world is against you but you just have to try to remind yourself that you are a wonderful mother and that no matter what, you are a mum and nothing can take that away for your. The hardest thing is being a mummy to an angel baby. I was so nice to meet you face to face yesterday, you and Bailey are as wonderful in person as your written word. Just hang in there. I agree with the other ladies, ask for the follicle scan that Flowerchild mentioned, it may give you an insight into what has happened. Huge warm fuzzy :hugs: are coming your way.

    Kerry: It is nice to see you back babe. When people say this journey is a rollercoaster they are not lying. There are downs but not too many ups. I am so glad to hear from you again. We are all hear to share this painful path with you.

    Scarlet: welcome to the thread honey. I am so sorry that you have to be here. I am glad that your FS is looking into doing some tests for you. You will get all the support, information and encouragement you could ever want in here.

    Mish: Yes my DH is away for work all the time. It does take the romance out of TTC when you have to schedule BD'ing but.

    Flowerchild, Tess and all you other wonderful women, I hope Monday has been kind to you. Take care my sweeties.

    Love
    Spring

  12. #48

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    Hi everyone,

    I just spent about half an hour writing a huge post, then by internet connection went and it wiped it:throw_computer: so now I have to try to remember the ramblings of a crazy woman and write again.

    Lynn - How are you feeling? I just wanted to say, this afternoon I bumped into a friend who is a midwife and I asked her about OPK's. She said, that you really rely on them as they are not 100% accurate. She said that like HPK's, if they show a positive, they are usually correct, but showing a negative or no result can often be wrong. It could be that they just don't work on you or the hormone or whatever (sorry, I am useless with details) that they need to work could be just a little too low for it to pick up. She said a better way to predict is by temp's, CM and cervical position. I didn't ask her about how you check that I also tested today, and my line was slightly darker than yesterday, but still not enough for a positive, so I am not going to do it anymore!! I am just going to try to think positive (or be in denial) and assume that I will or have still ovulated....so join me and we'll keep our fingers crossed and legs open (lol, sorry - TMI I know) for the next few days! It is heartbreaking to read your post. You have done nothing to deserve this, nothing! None of us have. This is a horrible thing that has happened to you, and I wish so much that your little Cooper was here with you, but I know I don't need to tell you that he always will be in your heart. You will get your baby, I just hope that it is soon. There are so many of us sending you bucketloads of

    Kerry - I am glad to see you are back, sometimes a break is a good thing isn't it?

    Scarlet - I am so sorry to hear about your babies, and that you have had to join us here. But you really have come to the right place for understanding and support.

    Mel - How are things going with DH's ex? I hope that it has sorted itself out abit. Yes, our catchup was really great, though we talked so much that we didn't get to eat all of the yummy stuff that we brought along. But that's ok, we got to take the leftovers home. Lynn and Spring are as awesome in real life as they are here. Surprisingly, we only used about 4 tissues between us....maybe we've all cried ourselves dry!

    That said, when I got home I just lost it. To meet you guys was fantastic, but to hear your heartbreaking stories from you in person, I think it just hit me hard. This is so real! Not that it wasn't before, just that it's horrible to know people are going through this horrible experience too, iykwim? Thanks again Lynn and Spring, you and your little ones are beautiful....oh and your hubby's are pretty cute too!!

    Well, if you thought I had babbled in this post, you should have seen the original. Hugs to everyone.

  13. #49

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    Hi Bailey - LOL @ the legs open comment Dont you just hate that, it happened to me on Friday and I got so angry! I am glad your catch up was good, thats a pretty good effort to only go through 4 tissues AND leave the yummies.

    You will be sorry you asked about DHs ex cause alot has happened, she is an absolute psycho! She picked up the kids yesterday (and it was totally obvious she was in a bad mood to start with) and he said that he would be happy to see them on the weekend if they are missing him but that spending Xmas and Easter together was not possible, and she said she had changed her mind and he can only see them on Wednesday nights so he told her we cant because we both work so it is impossible, she got off her bike and said "the problem is they arent missing you, you are becoming a stranger to them"! So it has gone from they are stressed not seeing him to they dont know who he is. Im the one who picks them up on the w/ends (as DH works and I have that day off) and they are always waiting at the door for me and when the car pulls up they run out the door yelling to me, they usually forget to say goodbye because they are so excited... what was that about strangers? They stay with us every 2nd weekend without fail and half of all school holidays. The 6 year old boy told us on the w/end he has been crying cause he misses us too much (such a sweetie!) so DH told her this, and she said he must be lying so DH called him over and asked him if that is what he said, he said he did and his mum told him he wasnt and he argued with her saying "yeah I did the other day remember" but she kept trying to confuse him and in the end he got really upset and said "you know I am not lying you remember" so DH told her to let it go, so as she walked off she said (right in front of the kids mind you) "its your loss if you dont want to see your own children", and the 6 year old got really upset. I don't understand her, sometimes its like he cant do anything right. And, she keeps making these comments in front of them and they get upset. So DH has decided for their sake he will not enter into anymore agreements outside the court orders in place to save these situations arising. Worst of all this w/end the 2 year old came with sores all over her body. Her mum insists they are mosquito bites even though she has had them the last couple of times she has come, but this w/end they were really bad. We werent so sure they were bites so we took her to the dr and he said they are school sores and prescribed antibiotic cream, as well as oral antibiotics because they are so severe. We bought the stuff and started her on them, when her mum came we gave them to her to take home, and she said we could keep it because she knows they are mossie bites and all the antibiotics will do is lower her immune system... what the? So now we are left in the situation where her mother wont treat her, she is not with us long enough for us to do anything that will make a difference, and we are susceptible to catching these things from her (which worries me if and when I get pregnant) - she has already passed them onto my nephew. The bad thing is we are powerless to help the poor little thing I don't know too much about school sores to be honest, but apparently they are contagious and they look like infected blisters.

    Sorry I know TMI, but I get so frustrated and as usual DH just says dont let it bother me. But I am so concerned about my next baby being healthy that it worries me about the 2 year old sores. I guess the moral to the story is that someone like that gets 3 beautiful, healthy children and people like us get ours taken away. Life is cruel!
    Last edited by Mel1977; February 19th, 2007 at 11:17 PM.

  14. #50
    Mish Guest

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    Hello ladies, I did try and jump on last night to say hi while the hubby was away but my internet connections was busted - so here I am again at work trying to do a sneaky post and hoping noone notices my pretty pink screen!

    Scarlet hello and welcome, I know it can be a bit daunting posting when everyone seems to know each other so well, I've only just re-joined the forum after a break so look forward to getting to know you better. I'm so sorry you are having to go through this pain as well, I've also heard the reassurances from doctors that 'next time will be fine' and it really doesn't help - I think I must be a bit like you, usually don't have trouble getting pregnant (except at the moment!), they just don't stick. I can't say the fear goes away, all you can do each time is it manage the best you can by being kind to yourself and doing everything you can to ease stress in other areas of your life (massages, chocolate, etc etc!!) They will probably be testing you for all sorts of conditions- I know mine included clotting disorders, inflammatory conditions, thyroid, etc etc - also chromosomal tests are usually done on yourself and hubby, do you know if they have done that? Let us know how you go with it all...

    Mel it must be dreadful trying to deal with the ex on top of everything else, I have several friends who are or have been in the same boat but she sounds particularly unpleasant! Hate the thought of the little one having untreated school sores - is there anyway the doctor can call her and talk about it maybe? Agree completely with your comment about people like that having beautiful children while we struggle - seems grossly unfair and I always find it somehow makes the whole thing worse. I used to have friends that keep saying what great parents we would make and how it would be criminal of us not to have kids - of course now that seems terribly ironic as well!

    Bailey and Lynn - I'm also hoping for the best this month, hubby gets home tomorrow which is right on CD13, I'm hoping with AF turning up on CD26 the last couple of months that maybe the timing is right??! I will also be applying Bailey's advice of keeping my fingers crossed and legs open!! Provided he's not too tired after flying home from Hawaii!!

    On a more serious note - I know this is a bit personal, but I struggle constantly with the hubby when I tell him we really need to make a baby at a particular time, it's like as soon as that's mentioned it's too much pressure and he's too tired or just doesn't want to - it's so frustrating as it's not like he has the hard part of the deal!! I should be fair, it doesn't happen all the time, but when it does I just want to cry because I'm scared that will be the one time we could have conceived..

    Hello to everyone else, Mel was Music and Lyrics good? I'm not 100% sure about going to see it so would like to know what you thought...

    xxx

  15. #51

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    The angry woman is back!

    Thank you to everyone that posted to me. Sorry I couldn't reply yesterday or write any more details, I was just so upset.

    I know that OPK are not always accurate so I am also doing maybe baby, checking CM and my temps. Well maybe baby never tells me that I am about to O, even last month when I did (eventually!!!), CM is hard - it always looks the same to me and my temps have been around the same temp all month (except the day that it dropped) but the all important rise in temps has not happened

    I saw my ob yesterday and I said that I thought Clomid was supposed to help me and he said that it is. He sent me to have a BT because he said that sometimes temps can be wrong and I may have O'd. He has now referred me to a fertility specialist and while this should be a good thing I am just so upset about it. I can't believe I have to go through all of this again to fall pg. I thought that after you had a baby, this was your best chance to fall pg - your body is cleaned out and it is your most fertile time. I know that it hasn't been that long since I had Cooper but what upsets me the most is that my body isn't working properly (whatever that is!). I thought that after I had Cooper I would go back to cycles that weren't so long and that it would be easy to track. Without the help of OPK and all the other tests I just don't know when I am O'ing, if at all.

    I rang up to see when I could see the FS and they told me 5 March - that is 2 weeks away!!!! I said that I urgently needed to see him so they got me in today at another office. DH is meeting me there which is good because I think I will just be a blubbering mess. I will ask for a scan today to find out what the hell is going on!!!!! We are keeping up the bding but as today is CD22 and I'm told to start on CD10 - well it is becoming a bit of a chore and my poor DH.................god only knows what he is thinking! He has been so good - I kept apologising to him yesterday because it is hard when I am the one with the problem and keep blaming myself for this whole thing, including losing Cooper. He always manages to make me smile even in the worst times. When I told him that i was seeing a FS today, he smiled and said are we going to have 6 babies!!!!! I smiled and said does it really matter now - we are only asking for one but if we get more we can't complain! Then he started looking for new cars!

    Sorry for being selfish and not doing any personals. I will come back later this afternoon and let you know how I went and do personals then.

    P.S. Deb I could never tell you to go away. Your advice is always so helpful - thank you

  16. #52

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    Oh Lynn
    I am so so happy you are seeing a specialist and good on you for insisting it be sooner. (a woman after my own heart!) I will be checking in frequently this afternoon to hear how it went. Since we said goodbye to our son in March 2006 my cycles are woopy without the clomid. My hunch is that you may need an increase dose of the clomid.
    I know that many people say that opk's aren't accurate but just like you my cm is hard for me to recognise - mainly I think because we are doing the deed as well around that time. Many people need to do opk's a couple of times a day to get a positive.

    Like you on my first round of clomid we did the deed from cd12 and I didn't get a positive opk until cd21 so it was getting pretty damn ordinary by the end. I am sorry that this is happening but it is great that hopefully by this afternoon you will have a few answers.

  17. #53

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    Hiya ladies

    Mel: Ok, DH's ex has formally taken on psycho status!! How difficult it must be for you and DH trying to do the best thing by the kids and then getting such mixed confused messages from her. I think what you have decided to do is the best thing. Stick to the court orders and if she tries to negotiate again, tell her that it is non-negotiable. You must be angry about the school sores, they are contagious. Does she go to daycare? I wouldn't be surprised if the daycare teachers call her if they are obvious. I hope she gets better soon for her sake and yours.

    Lynn: I hope your appointment went well today with the fertility specialist. I want nothing more for you than your body to behave itself and for you to get a BFP. I don't know if there is anything I can do but if you want to hang out on Thursday I have the day off work. I have an appointment in the morning but I am free after lunch. Big :hugs: to you and DH.

    Mish: About your DH, I sort of experienced the same thing. DH felt like he was a turkey baster. I think we just expect that because they are men they will be up for BD'ing whenever. At one stage DH said, what if I demanded sex from you and you said no and I cried, how guilty would that make you feel. He was right, it was an unfair thing to do but I was just so desperate. I think we have to remember that although the might not show it as much, BDing is more than just getting their rocks off and especially when you are TTC. I found that if I didn't let DH know where I was in my cycle and just went with the flow it took the pressure off.

    Bailey: I am so sorry that you got upset when you got home on Sunday. It is so emotionally exhausting but it is also such a blessing that we have wonderful caring friends to share the load. I hope you are feeling better today.

    Flowerchild, Scarlet, Tess and everyone else, hope you are well, take care my sweeties.

    Well me, just had my scan and bub is growing well with a strong heartbeat. The other thing that I am really happy about is that my BP is back down to 120/75. It was really high at the start of the pregnancy due to stress so I am happy with myself that I am naturally controlling it.

    Luv Spring

  18. #54

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    So happy to hear that Baby Spring is bouncing along!!! I know the relief and the smile that comes with those great scans. YIPPPEEEEE
    Mel, I am sorry that things are so rough with this woman. It sounds really hard.
    Lynn, you have been in my thoughts all day. Please come and tell us how you are. :hugs:

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