Yeah it has been quiet in here huh - noone loves us anymore
Thanks Deb, Alex and Spring for not making me feel too stupid about the less than perfect sexual experience LOL. I really hope you are all right and that the deeds that were done prior will be enough to work. We did it again last night as it was technically CD14 so better to be safe, and fortunately all ran smoothly this time! So we will leave it tonight and maybe give it one more go tomorrow for old times sake. DH still doesnt know that I got the OPKs so I think he has felt pretty relaxed about everything, well as much as possible cause he kinda does know my cycle but I have pretended that I am not too stressed about it so I guess that helps him. Anyway, enough of the dirty talk ...
Spring - Probably a good idea to tell work soon and I am sure they will be so happy for you. Besides you are really not going to be able to hide it all that much longer and you would probably be best to tell everyone before you become the talk around the water cooler - you know... is she, isnt she? It does a bit sus about the aunty but what can you do, innocent until proven guilty I guess. I hope for your sake she really does just want to catch up and a nice night. Maybe if she brings up anything about MIL just cut her off and tell her point blank I dont want to discuss it, lets just have a nice time.
Deb - I agree with Spring you must be the bestest friend, you always do so much for them... wish there were more people in my life so selfless. I noticed your new location, very clever - funny though, I am living just around the corner from you now LOL.
Alex - Are your kids not back at school yet? I thought today was the first day of term 2? But then what would I know LOL.
Hey, has anyone heard from Lynn? I dont want to call her cause I dont want to be too pushy you know but I am just really worried about her, I hate the thought of her feeling alone and all. Oh well, if she doesnt pop in after her appointment tomorrow I might have to at least send her a text message to put my mind at ease.
Lynn - If you do pop in and read this I hope you are ok and that your appointment is ok tomorrow. I too hope you get a HUGE apology for the F*** UP and mainly just that you get some answers you are looking for. When you feel up to it pop in and let us know how you are
Hey, I wonder if Bailey got that BFP or not? Cant wait to find out.
***WARNING!!! VERY LONG VENT ABOUT THE EX WIFE FOLLOWING***
Well I will be hanging around on the computer tonight. DH is doing BAS (oopsie, its a bit late) and I am going to write a letter on DHs behalf to CSA because his B**** of an ex-wife is disputing his child support payments. In the past he has always worked as a contractor but has recently taken a staff position so that he can have holidays off with the kids and get paid for it, because when they spend the weeks with us he still has to pay her despite the fact we also have to support them for that time. And as a contractor he obviously only gets paid for the time he works so we just couldnt afford to do it. It was getting to the point that he had to decide whether he takes a staff job or stops having the kids on school holidays, which obviously is not fair of anyone especially the kis. So anyway, because staff jobs are paid less than contract work his income has gone down and she has disputed it claiming it is unfair on her and that she should be paid based on his "earning capacity" rather than his actual income! Does anyone else think this woman is as crazy as I do? I mean so is she saying that, for example, if he earnt 100K one year (I wish) and then only 50K the next that he would have to pay based on the fact he is earning double the income and therefore double the payments to her? Does she think we dont have to eat and pay bills too? Part of her complaint is that I work full time as a nurse (where she got that from I have no idea but I am certainly not a nurse) and that should be taken into account and be included in his annual income - hello!!! they are not my children, I dont get the joy of being "Mum", so why should a percentage of my wage go to her?; and also she says that as the children get older they become more expensive to look after - this is true but if she actually researched her facts she will find that after the age of 12 he is made to pay more for the children than when they are under 12; another point she has made is that because of the little amount she get from him ($900 per month - 33% of his wage in fact) she is forced to work 32 hours per week to support the children - does she think most families these days dont have 2 working parents?; SHE pays for all of the day-to-day living expenses of the children including travel, accomodation, schooling, and food - well I dont know what DHs child support money goes towards but as far as I was aware it was supposed to contribute to all of those things, nevermind the fact that when they stay with us we have to provide clothing (which she does not provide to us) and food and not only that, what is not taken into account is that we also have to provide accomodation for them, with 3 children living here every 2nd weekend and half of all holidays we can hardly live in a 1 bedroom flat can we? no we have to provide a house big enough to accomodate everyone and in turn more costly. She seems to think it is her god given right to be supported by DH forever so that she doesnt have to work. Our argument is that while he is definitely responsible for his children, he is not responsible for supporting her and also that she chose to have children as well so surely she has some financial responibility towards them as well?
Anyway, sorry for going on about it but it really makes me heated. DH says he doesnt care about it cause he knows there is nothing she can do, as far as CSA are concerned they only take into account what your income is at the present time but they have to at least humour her by asking for our response. I swear this woman seriously needs to get a life and move on. I will feel alot better after the writing the letter, I already feel a little better having got it off my chest in here. Again, sorry to put you through that LOL.
Thank you to Mel, Deb and Kristy for thinking of me and I'm sorry if I have made you worry by not being around. I just had to work a few things out.
I have come to a decision and that is that I can't worry about things that are out of my control. So that is exactly what I am going to do - I am going to just worry about myself and get to my dream any way I can. My dream is too important to put on hold for a while and Deb you right, it doesn't matter when I am TTC, I will always be grieving for Cooper. I am prepared to grieve for my little man and TTC, but I don't have enough energy for anything else (except support you girls!)
I spent the day in bed yesterday and I'm not sure I feel any better for it, but at the time it felt good. I got a lot of my chest and a lot of tears shed. So today I woke up with a different attitude.................a positive attitude!
I decided that I couldn't wait until tomorrow to speak with my FS so I tracked him down and eventually got hold of him. I told him that I was frustrated and disappointed. I said that I have paid to be monitored this cycle and I don't feel like I have been monitored correctly. I explained to him about the first u/s and being told there are follies and then a week later nothing. He said that because of my hormone levels being so low they wouldn't have been able to support the follies so it is likely that they died off. I also spoke to him about him saying that it is unlikely that I will ovulate this month and therefore prescribe Provera and told me that I would have a period within a week. I said that I didn't so I called the nurses and they said to have a bt. I said the bt came back saying that I ovulated. I told him that this was potentially a missed chance of falling pregnant. He said that my body didn't respond to Clomid so my body ovulated on his own (OMG! It actually did what it is supposed to!!!!!!! Pity it was so bl**dy late) I told him that I feel like I am on a roller-coaster and getting a lot of different info doesn't help. I am new to this and I rely on the info from professionals and I just don't feel like I have got it. He told me that he thought the critisism was a bit harsh as he believes he did everything he could for me. He said that he makes decisions at the time and he believes he made the best decision for me at the time because there were no follies and it was so late in my cycle. I told him that I feel like I have lost faith and trust in his staff and he said that he wants me to trust him as he is doing everything possible to help me. He said that we have a plan for the next cycle, we just need AF to arrive. So it is still the waiting game. He has told me that I can call him at any time if I don't understand something and he will go through it with me.
Mel, you are right, I need this TTC journey. It is what gets me out of bed every day. If I didn't have to inject myself, or have BT or u/s and eat a plate full of pills each day I don't know what I would do.
DH and I have decided that we will continue this journey and will remain positive and put our trust and faith into my FS (although we are going to go to a different clinic with machines that aren't so old!) We have decided that we need to put all our energy into this. It is time to look after #1.
Thank you so much Nat for everything over the past few days - you are a lifesaver
Thanks to you girls too for thinking of me and I appreciate all the hugs. Sending heaps of back. Your support is wonderful and what gets me through each day
Sorry for no personals now - I will be back later.
Lynn - I am so glad you got to speak to your FS and that you are feeling positive today I am so happy you have decided to continue TTC, I didnt want to say to much so as to not try to "persuade" you but I was seriously worried about how you would cope without all the stuff, as crap and hard as it is to go through. I said after this month I was gonna give up but yeah right, like that is gonna happen - I like you rely on it! Have you decided if you tell other than you are not TTC anymore or are you just gonna leave things the way they are? I am so pleased to hear you say you are only going to worry about yourself, you are right - everyone else can look after themselves - you guys worry about each othe and dont lose sight of your dreams, and you will get there... when I dont know but persistence is the key
Lynn: It is great to hear from you. I think you made the right decision continuing TTC but a decision that you needed to come to in your own time. I am also glad that you gave your FS a talking to and that he realises how much his actions affect your life and Dh's life. It is great that you will be able to speak to him personally whenever you need to. I am sorry you spent yesterday in bed crying, but it seems like that is what you needed to give you a chance to re-focus and build up your emotional stores to continue on this journey. I am very proud of you. Big
Mel: I'll write a complete reply about DH's ex wife tomorrow but boy does she seem to be pushing the limit of what is reasonable. It is so much more important that DH can spend time with his kids and that is worth so much more than a few extra bucks a month. I hope she comes to her senses soon and realises that those kiddies are the number 1 priority. Hopefully it gets sorted soon, you don't need the stress.
Deb: I know what you mean about the slow cooker, there is actually a slow cooker thread somewhere which you should check out. I make an awesome apricot chicken in the slow cooker, takes 10 hours but it is worth every minute. Ohh and the house smells so nice when it is on. You'll have to share your recepies, I would love to know your favourites.
Well, off to bed for me.
Big day at work tomorrow (yet again) so I need my sleep.
...
2nd wife (Mel)
I am so happy you have decided to continue TTC, I didnt want to say to much so as to not try to "persuade" you but I was seriously worried about how you would cope without all the stuff, as crap and hard as it is to go through. I said after this month I was gonna give up but yeah right, like that is gonna happen - I like you rely on it! Have you decided if you tell other than you are not TTC anymore or are you just gonna leave things the way they are? I am so pleased to hear you say you are only going to worry about yourself, you are right - everyone else can look after themselves - you guys worry about each othe and dont lose sight of your dreams, and you will get there... when I dont know but persistence is the key 
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