Hi everyone,

Thank you to Mel, Deb and Kristy for thinking of me and I'm sorry if I have made you worry by not being around. I just had to work a few things out.

I have come to a decision and that is that I can't worry about things that are out of my control. So that is exactly what I am going to do - I am going to just worry about myself and get to my dream any way I can. My dream is too important to put on hold for a while and Deb you right, it doesn't matter when I am TTC, I will always be grieving for Cooper. I am prepared to grieve for my little man and TTC, but I don't have enough energy for anything else (except support you girls!)

I spent the day in bed yesterday and I'm not sure I feel any better for it, but at the time it felt good. I got a lot of my chest and a lot of tears shed. So today I woke up with a different attitude.................a positive attitude!

I decided that I couldn't wait until tomorrow to speak with my FS so I tracked him down and eventually got hold of him. I told him that I was frustrated and disappointed. I said that I have paid to be monitored this cycle and I don't feel like I have been monitored correctly. I explained to him about the first u/s and being told there are follies and then a week later nothing. He said that because of my hormone levels being so low they wouldn't have been able to support the follies so it is likely that they died off. I also spoke to him about him saying that it is unlikely that I will ovulate this month and therefore prescribe Provera and told me that I would have a period within a week. I said that I didn't so I called the nurses and they said to have a bt. I said the bt came back saying that I ovulated. I told him that this was potentially a missed chance of falling pregnant. He said that my body didn't respond to Clomid so my body ovulated on his own (OMG! It actually did what it is supposed to!!!!!!! Pity it was so bl**dy late) I told him that I feel like I am on a roller-coaster and getting a lot of different info doesn't help. I am new to this and I rely on the info from professionals and I just don't feel like I have got it. He told me that he thought the critisism was a bit harsh as he believes he did everything he could for me. He said that he makes decisions at the time and he believes he made the best decision for me at the time because there were no follies and it was so late in my cycle. I told him that I feel like I have lost faith and trust in his staff and he said that he wants me to trust him as he is doing everything possible to help me. He said that we have a plan for the next cycle, we just need AF to arrive. So it is still the waiting game. He has told me that I can call him at any time if I don't understand something and he will go through it with me.

Mel, you are right, I need this TTC journey. It is what gets me out of bed every day. If I didn't have to inject myself, or have BT or u/s and eat a plate full of pills each day I don't know what I would do.

DH and I have decided that we will continue this journey and will remain positive and put our trust and faith into my FS (although we are going to go to a different clinic with machines that aren't so old!) We have decided that we need to put all our energy into this. It is time to look after #1.

Thank you so much Nat for everything over the past few days - you are a lifesaver

Thanks to you girls too for thinking of me and I appreciate all the hugs. Sending heaps of back. Your support is wonderful and what gets me through each day

Sorry for no personals now - I will be back later.

luv & hugs
Lynn
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