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Thread: TTC after Stillbirth/ Recurrent Miscarriage or Loss after the First Trimester May 07

  1. #37

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    Chelle
    I was so sorry to read your news - I am sending hugs and best wishes to you and your family. I hope you manage to find a doctor who is willing to help you real soon.



    Take care, Tess.

  2. #38

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    I have to get this off my chest, when they told me the bad news again, which I was just absolutly numb I tell you, it felt like the room was just spinning, they left me for what seemed like forever! I looked up at the screen(I refused to look at it the whole time) and I saw the wee what I will call baby(even tho I know it wasnt). It seemed so perfect and so still, and I just couldnt believe it was just there sitting with no movement. I cant explain how I feel this time, but Im so mad that God has taken another of my so much wanted and so precious children... Im a catholic, I go to church not all the time, but I do go, my children all go to catholic school, Im trying so hard not to be so angry at him.I prayed everyday, all the time for this wee soul to stay. NOw Im mad at this wee soul for not wanting to stay. I look at all my darling children and I think Im so blessed to have them, becausethey chose to stay with us...My youngest especially so, because the most of my losses have happened since I had him. All I wanted was a mate... boy was I wrong.This is probably all sounding so very wrong and I apologise, but I think I feel better thru my tears and sobs. I know Im also being selfish, because Lynn, you are waiting for some good results and here I am blabbing on. You are all wonderful woman who are all wanting the same results, and I know you will get them. Time is such an awful thing, when you want it now.
    There is so many things I want to say to all of you, but for now just a big thankyou for all your kind words.
    Much love Michelle

  3. #39

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    Chelle honey, you have every right to feel the way you are. Your feelings are very valid. When we are faced with this sort of tradgedy we often search for answers but there are no answers that are ever going to be good enough.

    Just know that neither you nor your baby choose this, it is just an aweful aweful thing to have happened to you and I just want to reach through this screen and give you a massive cuddle. :hugs:

    hold on babe.

    Lv Sring
    Last edited by Spring Angel; May 8th, 2007 at 09:33 PM.

  4. #40

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    Well ladies, I am off to bed.

    I seem to miss you night owls with your late night posts, but I'll pop back tomorrow after work. I hope each one of you realises how special you all are.

    Until tomorrow.

    Nighty ni

    Chelle: You will be in my thoughts and my heart tomorrow and always.

    Lv Spring

  5. #41

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    Chelle - I just want to say how sorry I am to hear about your baby. Please stay here if you want to talk.
    to you and your family.

  6. #42

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    Chelle

    I am so sorry to hear of you losing your angel baby. You have every right to feel the way you do - it is so easy to get angry at times like this - why does it happen to us and why so often to others - it is just not fair. I am thinking of you and your family - just give them all a big kiss and hug.:hugs:

    Take care

  7. #43

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    Oh Chelle, I am so sorry that you are going through this. I just want to give you a big hug Just know that nobody chose this, it is just part of this cruel life we live in. No-one deserves to lose one baby let alone seven. Just know that my big boy is looking after your little ones and taking care of them.

    You are not selfish :hugs: You are the opposite, to be going through what you are and to think of others, me, is selfless. To be honest I didn't want to post my results yesterday because it just didn't seem right with what you are going through. I guess we are all here for each other and we hurt when our special friends hurt.

    Come in and say whatever you want but don't ever feel like you are being selfish. You have ever right to be hurt, angry, upset and all these things. We are here for you, anytime. Take care and be kind to yourself

    luv & hugs
    Lynn
    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  8. #44

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    Chelle - thinking of you

    Mel & Klee - how was last night at S&K? I hope having each other there helped you get through it. It can be quite draining.

    Well I got my results yesterday. It is such a long day waiting for the results and I was so worried that I made myself sick. I guess I just have so much pressure for it to be good news for a change. Anyway they called and said that the est had gone up to 341. WooooHooo I'm in the three hundreds!!!! Not high enough but up none-the-less. I am going back on Thursday for a bt and u/s so they can see what is going on in there. They want to check the lining and also to see what the follies are doing. So it is another dreaded wait!!! I hate this waiting! What am I going to do when I get to the 2ww!! (if I ever get there ) I spoke with Nat last night and she said that it is good because at least it is going up and that it is 'me'!!!! Meaning I have the worlds longest cycles so don't give up just yet. Thanks Nat At least I will know something in the morning when I have the u/s and then it is just the waiting all day for the bt results. Hoping for a miracle!!!!!

    oh btw - I am a big, brave girl now, I am doing my injections myself!!!

  9. #45

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    chelle, i am so sorry that you have to go through this again, I am so sorry for your loss. words fail me at this time, as I cannot imagine what you are going through, please however know that we are here for you whenever you need us. I may not have the words to give you, but I give you my thoughts and prayers.

  10. #46

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    lynn hon thats wonderful that its gone up, at least you know something is happening. good luck for your u/s and bt results tomorrow. will be thinking of you.
    well i met up with mel at the S&K meeting last night, wow what an emotionally exhausting night. Mel if I hadn't of read your posts from yesterday today I would not have thought anything was amiss last night, you and DH handled yourselves wonderfully. your honesty and matter of fact attitude was a breath of fresh air in a such an emotionally charged environment.

  11. #47

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    hi
    Lyn - good luck with your u/s and next bt any rise is a good one and those numbers look high to me.

    I have a quick question - I think I ovulated around 05 May - is it too early to start feeling sick and faint? I have been feeling really crappy all morning and don't want to start getting excited just in case.

  12. #48

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    Hi Tess,

    Thank you :hugs: I also meant to say in my last post that I haven't forgotten about your question about pre-term labour.

    Stillbirth is defined in Australia as the loss of a fetus who shows no signs of life at birth and is at least 400 grams in birthweight or at least 20 weeks in gestation.
    If I understand correctly, Thomas was born alive? If so he would be classified as a neonatal death. As I understand Neonatal deaths are not included in Stillbirth statistics. I am waiting for the Stillbirth Foundation to comfirm this for me. I can understand your need to do research. This is what I did after I lost Cooper and I continue to do today. I think if you google neonatal deaths you might be able to come up with some information. I hope that you can find the information that you are looking for. Have you talked to your ob about this?

    Dr Deb will be able to help you out with your question about feeling sick and faint. From what I know after ovulation your progesterone levels increase and this can cause you to feel tired. Progesterone stays elevated if you are pg or will eventually decrease if AF is about to arrive that is why it is hard in the 2ww to know exactly what is going on because your progesterone levels are high and so it is a similar feeling.

  13. #49

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    Chelle: YOu have every reason to feel as you do. I remember yelling at the Universe/God and telling her/him to just leave me alone. Leave my babies. I understand... I wish I could sit with you through this pain. It is a terrible pain and I just wish you weren't going through it. Your pain is no less than anyone elses. This is what this thread is for - for supporting pains and joys. Right now we are here for your pain.
    I hope you slept okay - sending you a massive hug...

  14. #50

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    Lynn: WOO HOO it's a rise!!!! I am hoping for a wonderful report after tomorrows visit. This is a long process isn't it. All the appointments and the waiting for results. It's really hard work...
    I hope this is your month but if it isn't next month they will know much better what doseage to give you so your cycle isn't as long and drawn out. But, let's hope that you dont' need to go back for seconds!
    Yay at self injection! It's not so bad when you get used to it... Mind you there are other things I would rather do too!

    Hi to everyone else - I am feeling a little low today. A girlfriend lost her baby last night at 9 weeks. She is 44. She is determined to TTC again soon but of course she is sad...
    I'll come back later when I am a bit chipper...

  15. #51

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    Thanks Deb It definitely is a long process.............a lot of waiting! But I have been waiting for over 3 years to hold an earth baby in my arms so I know a lot about the waiting game. I am so scared and nervous about tomorrow. I just keep thinking what if the 11mm follie has gone like it did last month. Or what if my levels haven't gone up again. I know I should be more positive but it is really really hard. I don't want to have to this again for another cycle. It just takes so much out of you mentally. And my poor battered and bruised body!! But it will all be worth it in the end

    Deb you might be able to help me with a question that I have had in my head for a few days now. Is it possible to ovulate on a low level of est? I just keep thinking what if my body (because it is so not normal!!!) doesn't need a high level. Is it still possible to ovulate? My FS wants to see my est level at 600. What are your thoughts?

    I am so so sorry to hear that we have lost another baby. It just breaks my heart that so many babies are taken from their mothers that so desperately want them. Why is life so unfair and cruel?!? I know that you will support your friend and give her strength. She will be in my thoughts :hugs:

  16. #52

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    Hi Lynn,
    I may be able to help a little bit. The mid cycle peak expected for estrogen is 400-1400. So if you use those figures you have a little way to go. The follicular phase (prior to the LH surge) is expected to be 110-400. So, as we know you are in that phase of your cycle.
    Generally on medicated cycles we expect hormone levels to be on the higher end. BUT as I said often with that first cycle it's getting the medication doseage correct. REmember for me it was my cycle on the higher doseage of clomid that finally got me a BFP. Prior to that I wasn't ovulating as well as I should. It can take some time to get it right. The good thing is once you've got it right it's much less mucking around.

    I hope that helps and I hope tomorrow shows some nice forming follies. Do you have any pelvic congestion yet?

  17. #53

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    I've had pelvic pain ever since I started on the injections!!!!! So I don't think that is any indication for me unfortunately. When I first raised it with FS he said that the pain is good because it means that something is happening down there. I asked for an u/s because I was concerned with the pain and that was CD15 which showed the 11mm follie. Well we are now CD22 so hopefully tomorrow it will show what is going on. So frustrating!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  18. #54

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    Lynn - Woo Hoo on the rise!! Hopefully it will have sky-rocketed by tomorrow!

    klee - My first S& K meeting was exhausting too. I came out with a huge headache which lasted the whole day. I think I cried for the whole 2 hours. Just having to tell my story and hear everyone elses was so sad, but I found that the next one was alot easier and I really looked forward to it as I felt that I got such relief from it. It's great that you met up with Mel and had eachother there.

    I will come in later and visit everyone, I hope you are all well

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