i think with how common it is for couples to live together before marriage - and often to have a family BEFORE they tie the knot - traditional "gifts" are rarely appropriate. it used to be that your smaller household items (toaster, kettle, microwave at a stretch) were normal wedding gifts, but there are few people who don't already have these by the time they wed - and i can't see the point in people stressing over trying to find something unique to fit in a house that is already complete. we did get a couple of gifts - a lovely vase and matching candle holder set, a photo frame that matched these (no idea how - they came from people that didn't know each other!) - but in all honesty, most people thanked us for taking the pressure out of finding something. we didn't ask for cash cos we wanted people to know what their "money" had gone toward. we still haven't finished painting the house through as we're doing it ourselves - but we know that the guests at our wedding have paid for the reno's we're doing - and several have commented that they appreciate knowing that we've been able to make use of their "gift". i guess we will all have differing views on this one from our own personal experiences. i've been to several weddings where a wishing well was available - for most of them, we have given money, but for one couple, that asked for money to build a fence, i refused to give them money as i knew it wouldn't happen. i found them a gift i knew they could use instead. and i was right. 3 years later, they still don't have a fence up!

do what it is YOU are most comfortable. if you don't want to give them cash - simply don't! find them something you're comfortable giving them. and don't let the family attitude towards your financial status get to you - not worth it! go and join the couple as they celebrate their day



oh yeah - FWIW - the most treasured "things" from our wedding day are the cards - the personal well wishes that i look at and remember those people sharing our day with us. their words, and those memories, will be there forever. very few "things" will last that long