Is this rude ? ... Wedding ... Couple asking for money as a gift !!

[Chocaholic]

I will be attending a wedding in November and they want money to pay for their honeymoon. I know that this is a common practice now (OMG, do I sound old? I'm not even 30 yet!) but I still can't get comfortable with the idea.

This couple has been together for 2 years or so and are living together SO they do have everything they need. Now I am trying to determine what to get them. Major stress as it will cost us over $1000 to get to the wedding.

[Mother Goose]

When DH and I got married, we were returned to our home State to get married as that was where everyone was. We asked people to be mindful that anything they bought, we had to transport back in our car and room would be limited so suggested gift vouchers as an alternative. Some people did that and we didn't care about the amount because we just wanted to celebrate with our family and friends. For the people who travelled from Vic for the wedding, they actually bought us a gift when we got back...

And for what it is worth, I think $50-$60 is perfectly reasonable. Only give what you can afford to give.

MG

[kristy J]

i think if you ask for money than one of those wishing wells are best too. some people may not be able to afford much and that way someone can donate $10 or $100 and everyone is appreciated the same.

its not uncommon these days but i honestly hate to give money.

[~Trish~]

I think $50 is very generous! Particularly after all of your travelling. I really don't think the bride & groom will be judging everyone's gift amounts, being a Greek Orthodox wedding there will be LOADS of guests so I'm sure they won't even remember who gave them what!

[Kitt3n]

I think this is a perfectly fine gift request! I mean, if you do a bridal registery the wedding couple are going to know exactly how much everything cost anyway!

We will be asking for money as yes, we have everythign we need and will would appreciate any gifts as moeny in order to help pay for the reception. Any physical "gifts" unfortunately wouldt actually be gofts, as we would probably end up taking them back to the store or passing on as a present to someone else.

As far as how much to give - most Orthodox have a basket at the door of the recepetion where you pop in $5 or $10 and you get a flower from the region of the bride to pin on your clothing.

Personally i think you should only give what you can - and you should not be ashamed if this is $20, $200 or $2000 dollars. THEY have invited you there, therefore your presence is the present

Just a head sup about the $5 at the recepetion for you though!!

[Pandora]

I'm sure however much you can afford, if you choose to, is fine, I am sure your friends dont expect you to put yourselves under financial stress to attendtheir wedding.

[Junglemum]

If you could only afford $10 then that would be a suitable amount. $50 is more than enough if that is what you can manage. I would never judge a friend by the amount of money they gave me! i am sure your friends wouldn't either.

As other people have said, you don't HAVE to give money. If i go to a wedding and they ask for money but i have seen something i would prefer to buy them, then i buy them a gift.

Again as other people have said, presence not presents is important. And if presents are more important to the couple than presence i would seriously be thinking about my friendship!

[LisaL]

Mmm I normally give money as a gift anyway but I get a bit shirty when people ask for it specifically, Id rather they have a register, I know its easier with money but then it puts some people in a bit of a bind.. as for the $50 - thats fine as an amount, its whatever you can afford, and any amount is appreciated. What you can do, is perhaps by a nice picture frame or two large candles (from a variety/two dollar shop) and put them in a small box with some tissue paper, rose petals, and a handful of wrapped lollies or choclolates (this signifies you are wishing the couple a sweet life together) and put your card in the box and nice big bow over the top. That way you can still spend $60 and it looks like you have spent a bit more and put in extra effort which im sure they will appreciate more than the actual dollar amount...

BOL

[krysalyss]

We did a wishing well and I don't think it is rude as it was anonymous. We don't know who gave what or even if everybody gave something. Some people still brought gifts instead which was fine. We lived together before and had quite a bit of stuff and not much space so we put the money to a land deposit. I think you can ask nicely and you can ask rudely but most people feel that they would rather give you something you want or can use, not something you already have.

[aussienic]

We have been to a few weddings now where they give the option of money or a gift.. We choose the gift.. Except for 2 wedding we just put $50 in a envelope.. but like you I prefer to give a gift that might look a little exxy..

[Astrid]

We asked for money at our wedding as we were saving for a house deposit, had most things as I had been living alone for years and also we married in our home state, so it was preferable not to transport large gifts. Everyone gave money, except for my dad who gave a Myer gift voucher which we purchased a full dinner set with. I think only one person grumbled, but many others were very thankful. We decorated a large money box and left little envelopes decorated with our initials with it.

Personally I don't see any difference between asking for money and having a registry. If anything I hate being made to purchase a gift that I do not like as it is the only one that fits into my budget.

[MummaBear79]

I dont think it is rude at all. My husband and I did this for our wedding a few years ago. We had what we called a 'money tree' and everyone just pinned money to it with pegs. It was anonymous and we didnt really care who gave what. Like someone else said, every little bit helps. I think at our age (youngish) we want to buy what we want or maybe go on that special holiday, rather than recieve a whole heap of things that we didnt need. I think its a great idea and good on em for doing it. Money should be used wisely these days, not wasted.

[Phteven]

smiles, if they really have everything then they don't need money either so I think that a really appropraite gift would be one from the oxfam unwrapped catalogue.
You can order a wedding card with it

tehehehehehe


ETA -as for whether it's rude or not I guess that different cultures have different traditions so what is normal in one might seem a bit rude in another. In DH's culture everyone gives the bride gold jewelry. It seems a bit odd but it means that if something goes wrong and the woman wants out of her marriage down the track she has something of value that she can use to support herself while she finds her feet.
My Mum thought it wsn't fair in DH so she gave him some gold too lol.

[Sammiejane]

Smiles,

we are in the same situation as you - wedding in a few weeks. I dont like being asked for money, but i also understand that they have most things so $$ towards their honeymoon is more useful
We have decided that we will put money in from several people so that it looks like a big lum sum... They gave us bank account details so will transfer the money

Our rule with giving $$ is that we give about $50 per person (not including kids) so $100 from DH and I, as they would be spending at least that to pay for us to eat and drink iykwim...

I agree also that, you presence is enough and if you dont have the money to give a lot or buy an expensive pressie, well thats fine too.

We didnt judge anyone for the gifts we were given at our wedding

[briggsy's girl]

i totally agree that having something OBVIOUS if you're doing the money thing is really important!! we had a table with our cake on it, and next to that, a table with flowers, a decorated paint tin (we'd asked for vouchers towards our house renos - which 2.5 years later, we're still using up!), and cards put on it. it was easy to see, the reception staff were really helpful in guiding anyone that didn't see it - was awesome

a lot of people have a wishing well - something visible for guests...

[Karina]

We did this for our wedding. We had already been living together for a little while so didnt really need any of the house type things as we had them already. The only thing for our house we really needed was a sofa... so we just asked people for a small amount of money so we could by ourselves a sofa. lol!

We werent fussed with whether or not people gave us money. A few people couildnt afford a gift or money and I was fine with that. It was more about them being there on the day. I dint care how much money we recieved.

We just had a wishing well in the foyer of the reception venue. People just put their envelopes in it and there was no pressure for them to have the envelope with them at their table and we didnt make any fuss or mention over it. I wouldnt have wanted to have put anyone in an embarrassing situation by having people come up to me and put the envelope in the box infront of me. But we also made it pretty clear to people that if they felt wierd about giving money then they can get a goft instead. A few people got a gift for us as well and that was cool as well.

I'm sorry that you felt uncomfortable at this wedding. I do aggree that they could have done it a bit differently as it seems like quite a few people were uncomfortable with the way the money giving thing was done.

[lila]

well, we did it ourselves, it is normal were we come from (europe), so everybody does it like this.
we were able to pay for the whole reception with that money!

i don't get offended at all i don't have to think about what to ge them and not a million others get them too, i even had a couple giving us an account no. at a travel agent, so they went on a honeymoon with the money they got, i think its better then lots of things you don't really want/need/like....

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I'm from Europe and live in Europe still and it's not the norm here! It's a new thing and not many people like it. Maybe you're from a different part of Europe than I am.

I'd be horrified if I gave money and the couple used it for the reception. Stick to a budget! (Same for the honeymoon - it's not a necessity and you can go camping or just lock the doors at home if you have no cash.) I'm not giving you money to pay for having me as a guest! I find that rather rude, which is why I prefer to give a gift if I do not know how the money is planned to be spent.