Weddings with no kids...

[mybabylove]

im invited to three weddings this year & my baby will only be approx 6 weeks for one of them & then 7 weeks for another....
Then for the other it will be approx 4 months.

[PinkPalace]

in addition to the girls comments of ' if my baby isnt invited then im not going'
If i couldnt take my DD to that wedding that was fine, and i was fine with that - no hard feelings at all as i understand the stress of a large family (over 170 at my wedding and we are only talking imediate family/and first cousins/aunts etc)...

I would have stayed home and DH would have gone on his own out of respect for the bride and groom )

[*Ang*]

We had 220 people at our wedding and had one table of children - they were immediate family members. A couple of the younger children left early with grandparents etc.

We have a wedding in April which is child-free and it doesnt bother me. It is my closest couisn who I love dearly and they are also having a large wedding and due to additional space constraints they simply cant have everybody's kids so they are having none. Am not offended in the slightest and I certainly will not be boycotting it either. I think that guests have to realise that it is not a personal slight from the bride and groom usually it does come down to finances or space.

I have also chosen to go to weddings without children, when DD was 5 weeks old and 7 weeks old we had weddings to go to of close friends. I expressed and left her with my mum who was only 10-20 mins from the reception venue. Both times I took "time out" from the reception and went to the car to express - you could say I surprised a few smokers!

I dont think there is anything wrong with parents being honest and saying that sometimes it is nice to have an evening without their children. As much as I love my kids and they pretty much come everywhere with me sometimes it is ok to have grown up time too.

But in answer to the OP I would say that a baby becomes a kid for wedding purposes when they become mobile ie crawling as it is then that they are more likely to be for want of a different word "disruptive"

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I'm not offended if DS isn't invited - I just can't attend. No babysitters. I also think it's a bit rude to ask DH to take 3 days off work, attend a weekday wedding 300-oddkm away from my home and NOT bring a 4-month-old with me. But I couldn't attend that one because DH couldn't get the time off, not because of DS (well, not soley because DS wasn't invited).

I can understand not wanting children around. I HATE having kids running riot, running under tables, making a mess, a noise during speeches... that's the 7-year-olds, mind, not the babies and toddlers!

I had over 150 family attend my wedding and that was with no young children - the young ie under teenage children of my parents' cousins were not invited. Then friends on top of that. It's not a bad thing to want an adult day, especially if you don't have children of your own. But you also have to see that travelling a long distance with a tiny baby just after a car crash and then the baby isn't invited and you have no babysitters you can trust... not going to happen.

[paradise lost]

Yeah i think "boycott" is a little strong! If she can't go then i can't go. That's all. Same as Ryn - no babysitters. It's not as if i think them saying "no kids" is an insult to me, i just don't get it and also can't really get round it, since i have a kid. If she was old enough to stay home alone it'd be no problem but i'm sure if she WAS then she'd be invited...

Ryn i can see what you mean, people without kids are a family too. I didn't mean to offend, i just meant that most families are continued (not made) by the married (or not) couple having children. I also can't see how it's a family event if one is going to exclude all the members of the family who are too small to "count". I mean, imagine at the other end of the scale having to tell granny she's just too plain old to come! But then i suppose "family" is such a loose term anyway - if i was going to limit numbers i'd start with the cousins i never see before axeing dearest friends' kids i see twice a week from my invite list!

I actually think it's really sad that lack of space for highchairs are given as an excuse for a venue not to have kids. You can buy safe boosters good for any child old enough to go in a normal highchair that fit on pretty much ANY dining chair, Starbucks over here have them in every shop. Venue's could very easily buy them. Just another symptom of a child-unfriendly society making life difficult for those of us who have or enjoy the company of kids.

I agree that a bit of grown-up time is nice, but i prefer it on my own terms. I would literally NEVER choose to go to a wedding or do the things one does as a wedding guest with my time off!

Bx

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Aaaaah, to be in charge of your own guest list! That would mean spending money though.

I've never had a problem with seating taking DS to a wedding. High chairs are better than booster seats because you get more people around a table! But the last wedding, no food provided for DS, just a chair. I asked for a plate and we shared our dinners with the poor lad.

[Pandora]

Aaaaah, to be in charge of your own guest list! That would mean spending money though...

that was the other problem I had - very little say in who was to be invited.

[briggsy's girl]

that was the other problem I had - very little say in who was to be invited.

ahhhh being a stubborn red head has it's advantages! NO ONE was brave enough to try stepping on my toes as to guest list!

we had one family say they'd not have their kids with them, but at the last minute their babysitter fell through (4 kids) - we'd over catered though just in case - and put a few more chairs around for kids

i think a lot of it is just about how people perceive their perfect day - for us, it was spit roast smorgasboard, so it was easy to over cater - for other's it's a set three course menu, so no so easy for catering. for some, the perfect wedding venue for their ceremony has a reception venue attached so they have to cater to numbers that way.

i don't think i'd have felt right not having kidlets there to be honest! but it really is a very personal thing...

[Pandora]

our issue was my parents paid for it and we stupidly let them
I got to pick the groom, rings and dress, and had virtually no say in anything else.
If anyone cant afford a wedding or to elope, Id suggest a registry office any day of the week - you can always celebrate the way you want later on.

[Pretty Butterfly]

I had a child free wedding, except for the bridal party, purely after going to a wedding when I was 17.....

It was just awlful!!! The kids were running, screaming and knocked over the wedding cake... They were just so hyped up.. and I can still remember the bride hitching up her dress, walking over to the kids table and just going off at them....

From that minute I promised myself I would never be THAT bride, or have unruly kids ruin my day.....

I had 2 breastfed bubs at mine and dont think a b/f bub should or could be excluded...

[Rouge]

Yeah I actually WELCOME kid free events Time out for me (providing I can get a babysitter) but I think its a bit harsh to assume just because you have children you are all invited or its a no go, or offensive to your family. And often when kids aren't invited its in the best interest of a child. Weddings are boring for kids, quite simply. This is one day in a person's life that cannot be done again.

[nic]

We had children at our wedding, it just was never an option for us to NOT invite children, they are family just like everyone else. Everyone had to travel, so we didn't expect people who were travelling over 1000k's to bring their kids and leave them in a motel with a babysitter.

We were invited to a wedding last year that had no children invited (supposedly) so we didn't go.

I loved having kids at our wedding. It's so special seeing little people dressed up and joining in on a special occasion, seeing them check out the dress, dancing to the music, enjoying rich choc mud cake and other desserts and going hypo, flowers,bubbles...

The wedding we were invited to without kids, also expected my SIL to not take her BF 4 month old!

Nic

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I actually got to pick my reception venue, which did involve an argument. There was no way I was NOT having the castle for my reception though! Even if it did mean I hadn't met some of the guests before the day because they were my parents' friends.

I went to a wedding at 18 with kids - just two of them, two brothers, my second cousins - running riot. They were not invited to my wedding. My dad's cousin's children... my dad's cousins were only invited to the night do. It did put me off children at weddings and I understand people not wanting them there. But it's not the children I don't want - it's the crappy parents! (I don't like my dad's cousin's wife, well this particular one anyway.) It's not fair to just let the children run riot and run around under tables and annoy all the guests as well as the couple in question - if your children cannot behave at a wedding, don't take them. If DS was a problem, he'd be not going (and he can and does behave in Church - and doesn't get to hear the speeches). Assuming he was invited, we lived nearby and could get a babysitter!

[sneakysparkle]

Thanks all for your comments

Now there is an extra dilema... Ive just found out that my other friend (lets call her Sue) is leaving her 4mth old at her mums place for the night - even though he is normally BF - she will FF just for the day.

Now I feel ike Im going to get all the "why did you bring bub? Sue didnt bring hers and hes breastfed"

GREAT. Now Im going to get judged, and in the process of defending myself I'll probably offend Sue!!!

*sigh*

[smiles4u]

My SIL's Wedding was a no-kid Wedding ... except for my one child - my DD whom at the time was 8mths old (though no longer BF'd) ... My SIL never told us it was a no-kid Wedding until WE were at the Wedding ... I was wondering why DP & i & our DD were getting a few stares ... I think the SIL saw the looks we were getting & she explained our DD was her only niece (no nephews) & she wanted her there ... To be honest i think she knew we would have had no one look after her for the day & so therefore let us bring her

I'm all for no-kid Weddings BUT the engaged couple have to realise & be prepared there could be some inability replies because of it

[Snacks]

Oh dear, Sneaky, that's tricky about Sue. Perhaps the angle you could take with anyone who questions (and TBH I doubt anyone will!) is that your DD won't take anything but boob. It was true for my bf baby and for many others (even if you haven't tried, you have no idea, so you can't leave her to perhaps be very hungry).
We had a kid-free wedding too, except for our nieces. I know we offended loads of people - they did see it as a massive inconvenience (because our wedding was an hour away from Sydney up in the Blue Mountains) but the venue just wasn't big enough or suitable for children. There were heaps of tables squished into a small space and some quite steep stairs.
I was pretty young and more clueless than most people when we got married, so for the most part I didn't take other peoples' feelings into account. If I were older, I would possibly have suggested we hold the reception somewhere more child-friendly, given we were asking people to travel so far from home. Babies would've been welcome - I think it is only when they start to toddle and are in danger of hurting themselves and the things around them (potentially very expensive decorations!) that people suggest kids stay at home.

[Kazbah]

We actually didn't put kids on the invite list mainly because there were 2 kids we didn't want there. But if anyone asked, kids were welcome! (strangely, the parents of the 2 kids didn't ask ... )

Our reception place was great, I had my MG there and that meant 4 9mth babies + Pip + an 18mth old - they sourced highchairs for all of them!!!

To be honest, although Pip was invited to a wedding I chose not to take him, so I could enjoy my friends' special day without worry.

If you've asked your friend, and she's cool with it - then it's great. Good on her, and good on you to ask instead of getting grumpy ...

[Amaunet]

We had stacks of kids at our wedding (2-14yrs) - about 30 - 3 kids tables - close to the door! BUT we were at a country RSL and they put out "kids food" sausage rolls, party pies, sandwiches, cherry tomatoes etc - all finger foody stuff and only charged $9-10 per kid. actually the adult meals were only $25 for two courses!

However, a friend had her wedding at a place where anyone who needed a seat and food was charged at the adult rate $90-100 per person - there was no way they could afford this. To invite some kids they would have to not invite some adult friends and family. So in this case - BF bubbas or little people who can stay on laps were ok - she personally explained this to anyone with kids - and they seemed to understand. Only her neice (only young relo) attended and the two flower girls. I donlt think she was being unreasonable under the circumstances.